A question for the Femmes

[atomiczombie]

Thank you everyone for your input and encouragement. It has given me a lot to think about. Having had some time to reflect on this latest rejection has made me realize something. The right woman for me will be interested in dating me because of who I am and not what I am. The girl I asked to date, she makes a good bit of money. But I would have still asked her out if she was homeless and living in her car. It's because of who she is that I love her, not her money, or house or car or her 401k. That's the difference, I guess.

I am making a lot of progress with my PTSD and panic disorder. My panic attacks are not something that result in me hurting or lashing out at anyone else. It's more like I curl up into a ball and shake and cry uncontrollably. The things that trigger it are loud noises, large crowds and the smell of smoke, although occasionally I get an attack and have no idea what it was that set me off. But this is something that is getting better. My agoraphobia is getting a lot better. I am getting out of the house more to see friends, with whom I feel safe. My depression has lifted and I am feeling optimistic about my future. I have occasional set backs, but the general trend has been encouraging.

I am ready to date I believe. As for a relationship, I am someone who takes a long time to decide if I want to take that step with someone. I will date a girl for months and months, even a year before I will consider a commitment. I believe it takes time to get to know someone and you have to spend time with them in various contexts before you can know for sure they are the right one. So I am in no hurry to commit. I would like to be further along in my healing process so that I will have more to bring to the table in a relationship anyway.

So there's my thoughts. Thanks everyone, again for your support and feedback!

[Vlasta]

I just finished read your thread . You received a lot of good advice, sincere one and very encouraging . Please , don't give up !!!!!!
Only thing I can add , I am very independent femme and thanks to my career regardless to my written English , I can't care less about the money someone has . I dated people that had no jobs , I support partners in need for whatever reason .
It's so sad to me that in 21 St century it's still such a stigma about a mental disorders by some people . I honestly would like to meet person that has no problems whatsoever . I have been in the medical field for decades and I honestly understand what are you saying . It's hard to start , but don't let discourage you by one femme expectations . There it's someone for you and will be happy for your affection and a good heart .

As I said do not give up , you are ready to date and I wish I could say the same . My last relationship was with someone I knew for over five years and I was thinking we were compatible and it was not a person that many assume from this website , No , it was not that one , but someone I knew for a long time .

If your agoraphobia it's better go out , meet people without expectations . There is a difference from what I need and from I want . Some of us are happy that is this economy we have what we need , I know I am .

I am wishing you the best and find a femme that will appreciated you .

sending you cyber hugs and good luck

Vlasta

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

I don't mean to change the subject as I completely agree with what you said Gemme in so many ways. But I'd love if you'd explain what you meant by your waking up being choked because your partner thought you were the enemy as being 'your stuff.' I'm sure I'm misunderstanding. It sounds a bit like you are saying that it is your stuff that you were being abused (even if it was not intentional abuse and came from PTSD, being choked is being abused and it doesn't seem like it could be 'your stuff' even if it wasn't your partners fault. Can you clarify?

Of course, you may have meant it gave you some stuff after the relationship was over. Or because of your mom, you had issues and couldn't stay? I'm not sure and I'd love to hear more if it doesn't end up changing the topic.

And back on topic - getting to know someone is the best way to find out if their issues (as has been mentioned - we all have issues - lol) mesh with your issues. So don't worry about the having 'issues' part. And being friends first is really sound advice. It gives you time to see how you interact without all the baggage and insecurity that sometimes surrounds dating. And rejection by a friend just seems so much more pleasant (although still a bummer). But friends first is no guarantee either. I do admit that some of my friends would be lousy matches for me and yet are great friends.

I'll expound more in a pm, but for the vein of the thread, my learned responses and prejudices from my experiences are MY issue to deal with and should not color how I interact with another person who may have that particular condition or experience. That's where I was going with that.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

The person who I asked if I could date her, she is someone I have been friends with for over 5 years.

Sometimes friends are meant to be just that.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Thank you everyone for your input and encouragement. It has given me a lot to think about. Having had some time to reflect on this latest rejection has made me realize something. The right woman for me will be interested in dating me because of who I am and not what I am. The girl I asked to date, she makes a good bit of money. But I would have still asked her out if she was homeless and living in her car. It's because of who she is that I love her, not her money, or house or car or her 401k. That's the difference, I guess.

I am making a lot of progress with my PTSD and panic disorder. My panic attacks are not something that result in me hurting or lashing out at anyone else. It's more like I curl up into a ball and shake and cry uncontrollably. The things that trigger it are loud noises, large crowds and the smell of smoke, although occasionally I get an attack and have no idea what it was that set me off. But this is something that is getting better. My agoraphobia is getting a lot better. I am getting out of the house more to see friends, with whom I feel safe. My depression has lifted and I am feeling optimistic about my future. I have occasional set backs, but the general trend has been encouraging.

I am ready to date I believe. As for a relationship, I am someone who takes a long time to decide if I want to take that step with someone. I will date a girl for months and months, even a year before I will consider a commitment. I believe it takes time to get to know someone and you have to spend time with them in various contexts before you can know for sure they are the right one. So I am in no hurry to commit. I would like to be further along in my healing process so that I will have more to bring to the table in a relationship anyway.

So there's my thoughts. Thanks everyone, again for your support and feedback!

Excellent to hear, Drew! Good luck, my friend.