Original Bad Prose or Stories!

[SoNotHer]

TS gives this a thumbs up, and Hollylane is right. This needs to be shared here as well. As usual, Fry and Laurie nail "bad poetry":



“Mr. Drip tells me that it’s one of the most mature and exciting poems he’s received in some time. Don’t suck your thumb boy.”

“’Inked ravens of despair crawl holes in the ass of the world’s mind.’ What kind of title for a poem is that?"

“Scrotal threats unhorse a question of flowers.”

“I asked for answers and got a head of heroine instead.”

“When time fell wanking to the floor…”

“My body disgusts, damp grease wafts sweat balls from sweat balls and thigh fungus.”

“Unhappy bubbles of anal wind popping and winking in the mortal bath”

“If this is poetry, then every lavatory wall in England is an anthology.”

[Hollylane]

I drank the Patron
I licked the lime and the salt
But still got shivers

[WomenMoveMe]

Never tried Haiku...therefore...writing bad Haiku should be a snap!

She sits idly by
never to let herself live
what's a girl to do

[SoNotHer]

From -

http://theverybadpoet.blogspot.com/2...n-19-easy.html



1. Iambic Pentameter can go f%#@ itself

2. Always use clunky words you don’t really know (e.g. incorrigible & verisimilitude)

3. Try to fit a knock-knock joke in whenever possible

4. If you must Haiku, please clean up after yourself

5. Irony isn’t dead but it has been hit on the head with a frying pan

6. Inappropriate rhyming will always save you (e.g. moose and Jews)

7. The good news is no one else knows what e.g. stands for either

8. If you run into writer's block, try writing in a foreign language you don’t speak. It's de rigueur

9. If you write a ‘concrete’ poem, try to use actual concrete or cement

10. If you accidentally use ‘alliteration’ simply type the letter A for the
duration of the poem. This gives it much more meaning.

[SoNotHer]

11. Contrary to popular belief, people really do want to know what you had for breakfast as long as it’s in verse form

12. If you’re worried about meaning in your poem, don’t. We’ll all be dead soon enough

13. When making a ‘list’ poem, be sure add toilet paper to it. No one likes to drip dry or use your clean hand towels next to the sink



14. Poems to imaginary childhood friends will most likely win you a Pulitzer

15. Don’t worry about your ‘audience.' They don’t give a crap about you either

16. The best poems are the ones you plagiarize (see previous blog entry)

17. It helps if you were dropped on your head as a child

18. Things you should know as a poet: Along with Leaves Of Grass, Walt Whitman also wrote several Motown hits for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

19. If you've been looking for your ‘voice’ as a poet and can't find it, there’s a good chance someone stole it on purpose

[Hollylane]

Two words, three words, tops
Really full conversation?
Should we grunt instead?

[Truly Scrumptious]

Oh yes, grunt away
Conversation hurts my brain
Please skim the surface