The Art of Online Communication

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Linus

Another curiousity:

Do you ever stop "listening" in a thread?

Do you think that you "listen" (and I mean listen, not just read to understand but fully appreciate)?

A behaviour I've noticed is that when two people are presenting opposite views or slightly similar views but described differently, it's almost as if we don't listen to what another says (e.g., "I understand where you're coming from but for me, it was.."). I'm beginning to wonder if this is why we often feel like we're disrespected (whether based on what we say, how we say it or who were are). It creates, to me, a feeling of dismissiveness of others experience (as if the other person's life has no value or meaning).

Granted these are my view of things ... but what do others think?

Yes, I do stop listening, really listening, in threads that I feel defensive in. Once I've been attacked or my viewpoint has been attacked, I tend to 'fight fire with fire'. I also stop listening to what is being said when I'm not interested in what is currently going on. I go on auto skim mode until something else peaks my interest. If that doesn't happen after a while, I unsubscribe.

I do try to 'see' what the other person is saying, when I feel that they have something worthwhile to say. I think we'd be lying if we said differently. We all judge everyone else. It's not only how we function but how we survive.

Dark alley, lone guy walking with an odd gait and something under his jacket? Instinct says to pick another alley, right? He may be a deranged fellow who likes to chop people up with the cleaver in his jacket or he might be a gentle and shy guy who has a limp and a cold Chihuahua under his jacket. How many of us would go into that alley and get close enough to find out? Not many I'm sure.

Our beliefs, ideals, faith, thoughts....etc....are part of us. I know that, when I feel as if I am being attacked or dismissed in a thread, I feel as if "I" am being....not my beliefs, ideals, faith or thoughts...attacked or dismissed. It's a hard pill to swallow. I shut off the 'hearing you' part and my inner troups gather and retaliate with 'take that!' or I just shut down or off or both.

We all like to be 'heard'. Sometimes that need overwhelms our desire to see others' viewpoints.