Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[adorable]

I know for sure that when I was 13 my mother walked into my room and accused me of being a dyke because I had wallpapered my room with Madonna posters. I also know that I took it all down in horror. It was said with such distaste and hate that no way did I want to be associated with that “dyke” thing. That was a choice I made.

I also know that I was accused of being bisexual by people here in my real time community. I know that it was said with the same distaste and hate. I know in an effort to fit in with the gay crowd I had to distance myself from my past of being with men. The only thing worse than being a man, it seemed, was to sleep with them. My distancing was a choice, due to being young and wanting to belong.

I’m no longer young, nor do I give a shit if I belong. I make different choices today.

We clearly were (or are) seen as traitors and get no stars. I have two beautiful girls. I loved a man enough at some point to make those babies. I can say today that I will partner with men and it’s just fine if people try to take my birthday away for it. Many of us made choices based on limited knowledge, youth, inexperience or all those things. We all walk around making choices every day of our lives. Most of us too, no matter how we ID, have been accused by society in general of being wild sex crazed maniacs hanging from chandeliers who can’t control ourselves and freaks set out to destroy innocent children.

I have said this before, and (surprise) I’m saying it again, it is NOT OKAY for ANY group to hate another group, but it’s especially disturbing when a minority group hates on another minority group. That is exactly what those in the larger society who hate us WANT US TO DO. It is much easier to divide us into small manageable factions and take away the “other” other’s rights first. Divide and conquer.

It’s so nonsensical, that it would seem like it would go without saying.
Evidently, not.

Let me say to everyone reading this that what has been said here was hateful, bigoted, stereotypical, and untrue. Bisexuality doesn’t make a person promiscuous. Bisexual people are not dirty lepers running around transmitting diseases. Bisexuals are not living a double life. They are not trying to “have their cake and eat it too.” Bisexuality doesn’t cause people to molest children. Being bisexual doesn’t mean that you are not a feminist or are a sellout. Nor does it mean you bring sperm home. Heterosexuals are not stereotyping us based on what bisexuals do or don’t do.

Those who are against the gay community, are against us ALL - across the board. THEY don’t give a shit what we call ourselves or how we identify. We, as a collective minority, need to STOP discriminating against members in our own community. It’s a matter of life and death. Even under the guise of “my experience,” clear bisexual stereotypes must be called out. I’m calling it out.
These exact stereotypes are perpetrated against us ALL every single day in our society. They justify our collective rights being taken away. This includes ALL OF US – you, me, us and them. Stereotypes that justify everything from discrimination to hate crimes.

Everyone should be outraged whenever hate or intolerance is directed at any minority group. It is silence that allows this bullshit and stereotyping to continue.

(To be fair I did manage to stay out of this thread for several pages...in case any ribbons are being handed out.)

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by adorable

Being bisexual doesn’t mean that you are not a feminist or are a sellout.

I'm going to take that one step further and say that shaming bisexual women is anti-feminist. It's not okay to try and police my body.

[Corkey]

I don't care if someone is Bi, Str8, Queer, Trans, Butch or Femme. What I care about is their integrity, their humor, their humanism. We are All Human beings, degrading anyone for their choice of whom they sleep with is offensive. Broad brushing Humans into boxes and defaming them because of ONE persons actions is offensive. If one cannot separate one person from a group then it is offensive. I do not understand why this is hard to get.
Rage is something that is not in this discussion, it is however something that fuels hate, as well as ignorance.
My .02

[Medusa]

All -


Wanted to come in here for a minute and address the direction that the conversation has taken and hopefully move past the ugly stuff so we can get back to talking about Cynthia Nixon and her clumsy-ass comments.

First off, not only do we have a clause in the TOS about hate speech but I've also talked about this being a welcoming community on every level. Just to be clear, this community is sexuality-positive meaning that whatever your sexuality is, it's perfect and absolutely correct just the way it is.

This means we are bi-positive, poly-positive, fetish positive, kink positive, asexual positive, vanilla positive, Butch on Butch positive, Trans on Trans positive, Femme on Femme positive, Mommy/boy positive, Daddy/girl positive, Top positive, bottom positive, simple sex positive, penetration positive, frottage positive, dolphin vibrator positive, dildoes-that-look-like-real-dicks positive, oral positive, ass positive, vagina positive, Butchcock positive, Transcock positive, Transwoman vagina or cock positive, hairy pussy positive, shaved pussy positive, monogamy positive, and any other kind of sexuality or sexual appetite positive that you can think of. It's ALL good.

Here's the deal, however you get off or partner or fuck is CORRECT!

However the person next to you gets off or partners or fucks is CORRECT, even if it's different from how you do it!

I don't think anyone here gets to have an opinion on how or who I fuck unless they are paying my bills, also fucking me, or living in my house. That goes for everyone here.

As a side note to Vlasta: I know you are a good person Vlasta and it looks like you have been through a lot in your life that is incredibly painful. I get that your experiences have jarred you and given you a historical context that is very negative. I do hope you will consider that what you have been through was done to you by individual people, not by how they fuck and that even if they had been straight or gay that it probably wouldn't have changed things if they were dishonest or a person who didn't think about how what they did would hurt you. That comes in every form and in every sexuality.
On this website, we have a lot of people of all different sexualities. I want you to be a part of what makes this website welcoming, not what might make someone think they weren't welcome here.

I do hope we can get the conversation back on track.

Much love,
Dusa

[WickedFemme]

I have been so busy with work and life that I missed all this. For me, being gay isn't and wasn't a choice. I feel offended by Cynthia's statement because she is in the spotlight of the media and the Right Wing Anti-Gay movement is solely based in the belief that being gay is a Choice. That is the problem with her statement... it's a problem because mainstream people are ignorant for the most part and will believe that it is a choice for all Gay people. This belief will further the Anti-Gay movement.

As far as Vlasta is concerned. She had her experiences and it looks like she harbors much resentment. I don't think her intent was to harm anyone here on this site. I know Vlasta, I lived with her for awhile and she is a good friend and the best friend I ever had. What most of you don't know is that Vlasta is from another country and I think Culturally, she is often very misunderstood due to the fact that English is her second language as well as her Cultural background and upbringing. A lot of people can not even begin to understand, but please if you have an issue with a statement she or anyone else makes - take it offline before making wild accusations and assumptions. AT the very least try to gain some cultural competence. I'm not saying that I agree with her statements. I am saying that i know her and I know some of her history, which I am not at liberty to discuss... just ask before jumping to conclusions based upon her attempt to convey her thoughts in a language that is foreign to her as well as the Culture of this Country.

sorry Vlasta - don't be angry with me... I just felt like I had to say something as your friend and someone here who truly knows you.

[Reader]

Fascinating, illuminating posts here...