Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex? - Page 2

VintageFemme · 12-05-2012, 11:46 AM

I think so. If given enough to time to heal any wounds or put away any left over baggage, yeah I believe so. I am friends with all of my exes save for one, and I think I would be now with that one as well. Of course I've never been in a relationship that included infidelity or something equally as hurtful so perhaps I might feel differently if I had been, but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to carry around anger or bitterness for too long. You have to learn to let go & forgiveness truly is freeing. And there was something that brought you two together in the first place anyhow, so in the end hopefully that something is still there and each of you can learn to love that something in a different light, together apart.

GraffitiBoi · 01-06-2013, 04:08 AM

I used to think you couldn't, and then I thought you could. But now I think it depends on the ex.

My ex 'J' and I cannot be friends and have actually ended our friendship for good yesterday. I won't get into the details, but I will say that trying to be friends with her got in the way of me being able to be in a relationship with anyone else. It took getting my heart broken recently to see that clearly. Lesson learned. I only wish I had learned this lesson much earlier.

My ex 'A' and I are actually good friends. We tend to forget we ever dated since there never was really any passion there. We did love each other but it was never in a romantic way. We basically were roommates with occasional benefits. She doesn't ever get in the way of me being with someone else and she never tries to control me in any way. She's like a sister to me and is the only person I have really ever trusted with anything important. We don't talk often, and see each other even less, but if I was in trouble she'd try and help or listen without judging me or lecturing me. When she needs a babysitter for her 2 year old daughter I often volunteer. So although she is an ex, I don't think of her that way. She's just another friend.

Other than that, I have no contact with any other exes. I see no reason for it. I never loved them. I cared for them at one time but that's about it.

PoeticSilence · 09-13-2013, 11:53 AM

I'm friends with most of my exes. Some it's taken longer to be friends with. Others, well...it could be easier if they put some effort into it and realized that there are no hard and fast rules that say I have to accept any lies going forward.

JAGG · 09-13-2013, 12:12 PM

Absolutely. I am friends with most.

Happyfemme · 09-13-2013, 01:05 PM

Yes definitely, as I stop and think about it I am friends with several of them. The degree to which I have contact with each of them varies. I think if the person cheated, lied or had difficulty making good choices about certain things then that might be a different situation.

SaltyButch · 09-13-2013, 08:24 PM

I am friends with most of my ex's, oddly enough the only one I'm not, clearly stated from the get go, should we break up she would never be my friend. I find it interesting that you chose to give yourself to this person for one reason or the other, so why when things end and granted it depends how it ends you wouldn't at some point still cherish what you shared...but still even if it ended badly they were special at some point. I'm a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason, even if it's to learn a lesson you wish you could have lived without.

JDeere · 08-11-2014, 12:18 AM

Yes I think you can if the relationship was left on good terms. I am friends with say 4 of my ex's only due to that fact. But I can see why some folks are not friends with their ex's.

12-05-2012, 11:46 AM	#1
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think so. If given enough to time to heal any wounds or put away any left over baggage, yeah I believe so. I am friends with all of my exes save for one, and I think I would be now with that one as well. Of course I've never been in a relationship that included infidelity or something equally as hurtful so perhaps I might feel differently if I had been, but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to carry around anger or bitterness for too long. You have to learn to let go & forgiveness truly is freeing. And there was something that brought you two together in the first place anyhow, so in the end hopefully that something is still there and each of you can learn to love that something in a different light, together apart. __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

09-13-2013, 11:53 AM	#3
PoeticSilence Member How Do You Identify?: dodges labels Relationship Status: Estranged Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Midwest Posts: 454 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 919 Times in 277 Posts Rep Power: 10661585	I'm friends with most of my exes. Some it's taken longer to be friends with. Others, well...it could be easier if they put some effort into it and realized that there are no hard and fast rules that say I have to accept any lies going forward. __________________ Love is all you need.

09-13-2013, 12:12 PM	#4
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,528 Times in 4,137 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Absolutely. I am friends with most. __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

08-11-2014, 12:18 AM	#7
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Yes I think you can if the relationship was left on good terms. I am friends with say 4 of my ex's only due to that fact. But I can see why some folks are not friends with their ex's. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

01-06-2013, 04:08 AM	#2
GraffitiBoi Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine Preferred Pronoun?: Male ones Relationship Status: Playing around and having fun Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Minnetonka, MN Posts: 903 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 990 Thanked 3,663 Times in 824 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I used to think you couldn't, and then I thought you could. But now I think it depends on the ex. My ex 'J' and I cannot be friends and have actually ended our friendship for good yesterday. I won't get into the details, but I will say that trying to be friends with her got in the way of me being able to be in a relationship with anyone else. It took getting my heart broken recently to see that clearly. Lesson learned. I only wish I had learned this lesson much earlier. My ex 'A' and I are actually good friends. We tend to forget we ever dated since there never was really any passion there. We did love each other but it was never in a romantic way. We basically were roommates with occasional benefits. She doesn't ever get in the way of me being with someone else and she never tries to control me in any way. She's like a sister to me and is the only person I have really ever trusted with anything important. We don't talk often, and see each other even less, but if I was in trouble she'd try and help or listen without judging me or lecturing me. When she needs a babysitter for her 2 year old daughter I often volunteer. So although she is an ex, I don't think of her that way. She's just another friend. Other than that, I have no contact with any other exes. I see no reason for it. I never loved them. I cared for them at one time but that's about it.

09-13-2013, 01:05 PM	#5
Happyfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Engaged Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: United States Posts: 1,666 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,303 Thanked 4,931 Times in 1,494 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Yes definitely, as I stop and think about it I am friends with several of them. The degree to which I have contact with each of them varies. I think if the person cheated, lied or had difficulty making good choices about certain things then that might be a different situation.

09-13-2013, 08:24 PM	#6
SaltyButch Member How Do You Identify?: Old School Butch Preferred Pronoun?: he/she/hey you..... Relationship Status: open to the possibilities Tournaments Won: 5 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: mississauga ontario canada Posts: 345 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 432 Thanked 1,633 Times in 301 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I am friends with most of my ex's, oddly enough the only one I'm not, clearly stated from the get go, should we break up she would never be my friend. I find it interesting that you chose to give yourself to this person for one reason or the other, so why when things end and granted it depends how it ends you wouldn't at some point still cherish what you shared...but still even if it ended badly they were special at some point. I'm a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason, even if it's to learn a lesson you wish you could have lived without.