A straight girl enters the queer world...

Quintease · 03-13-2012, 12:44 PM

It's a funny thing, the transperson and the ID of others.

I read an article recently about a happily married woman who transitioned believing her husband would leave. He didn't. At the time the article was written he didn't believe he was gay, nor did his former wife believe he was gay, despite them being two men in love.

I'm not not bisexual nor straight and I'm not the only lesbian I know who has kept her lesbian ID despite being happily partnered with a man.

As far as I know straight men tend not to question their ID when getting involved with a transwomen, pre or post op. If she says she's a woman and he's a man, then they are straight. The end.

Which is interesting as gay men will also date transwomen without changing their ID, as will gay men date pre-transition transmen.

In short it seems that sexual ID appears to be irrelevant when it comes to dating someone trans.

DeviantDaddy · 03-13-2012, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintease

In short it seems that sexual ID appears to be irrelevant when it comes to dating someone trans.

You know, this is actually a very interesting statement you've made. When I first began my journey of embracing my identity as a transman and not a stone butch, I was partnered to a femme who identified as a femme lesbian. She was very supportive of me in my decision to proceed with this immense change yet she did make it perfectly clear that, were I to decide to transition, she would not remain by my side as my partner because she was a femme, lesbian.

This stayed with me and perhaps is why I do take interest in women's views when they begin to get to know me. Fortunately I no longer have to worry about such things... chuckles. However, when kitten and I first met it was something that I did ask her. I was very curious as to how she felt about her identity and whether or not this would change it.

No, labels aren't necessary. However we as individuals tend to find ourselves once we have already looked into the greater binary system of defining men and women, gays and straights, etc. I have always been conscious of the fact that to some, partnering with a transman can lead to some very deep soul searching for whatever reason. Their identity may come into question and I wouldn't like to downplay that in any way.

Quintease · 03-13-2012, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeviantDaddy

she did make it perfectly clear that, were I to decide to transition, she would not remain by my side as my partner because she was a femme, lesbian.

I have always been conscious of the fact that to some, partnering with a transman can lead to some very deep soul searching for whatever reason. Their identity may come into question and I wouldn't like to downplay that in any way.

I think it's different when someone you already love begins to transition. It's like they're taking the person you know and love away and replacing them with someone else.

As for my ID I went through a lot of soul searching, but in the end realised I'd fallen for a person, not a gender. Had anyone told me that by 2012 I would have married a man, I would have rolled my eyes and assumed they were being homophobic. As it was, I may have married a man, but that didn't change my sexual identity at all.

Melissa · 03-13-2012, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintease

I think it's different when someone you already love begins to transition. It's like they're taking the person you know and love away and replacing them with someone else.

As for my ID I went through a lot of soul searching, but in the end realised I'd fallen for a person, not a gender. Had anyone told me that by 2012 I would have married a man, I would have rolled my eyes and assumed they were being homophobic. As it was, I may have married a man, but that didn't change my sexual identity at all.

Great point Quintease. The same happened to me. I Have identified as a lesbian for over 20 years but am now married to Rufusboi who transitioned nearly two years ago. I realized quickly though that he wasn't having a personality transition and that gender and pronouns doesn't change how I feel either about him or myself or how I identify. Julie mentioned in an earlier post that it is all about communication. It doesn't matter if you have been with someone for 2 weeks or 10 years you have to talk, share fears, ask questions and figure it out together.

Melissa

03-13-2012, 12:44 PM	#1
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	It's a funny thing, the transperson and the ID of others. I read an article recently about a happily married woman who transitioned believing her husband would leave. He didn't. At the time the article was written he didn't believe he was gay, nor did his former wife believe he was gay, despite them being two men in love. I'm not not bisexual nor straight and I'm not the only lesbian I know who has kept her lesbian ID despite being happily partnered with a man. As far as I know straight men tend not to question their ID when getting involved with a transwomen, pre or post op. If she says she's a woman and he's a man, then they are straight. The end. Which is interesting as gay men will also date transwomen without changing their ID, as will gay men date pre-transition transmen. In short it seems that sexual ID appears to be irrelevant when it comes to dating someone trans. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.