Long Distance - How do you cope?

[LaneyDoll]

Riley and I are in a LDR. Right now, there is approx 280 miles and 4.5 hours between us. When he moves, it will cut down on some of the miles but the travel time will be the same.

We see each other 1-2 times per month, depending on our schedules and finances. Last month, we spend my birthday together and this month, we will have two weekends because my family vacation will happen about an hour from him.

In between visits, we talk/text daily. He calls me on his lunch break & on his way home plus we spend about an hour together on the phone before we say "good night."

Aside from communication, I think that biggest thing that helps me cope is how busy we each are. We both work full time; he is in school full time and I am raising a family. Additionally, we are in a D/s relationship and have a decent amount of rituals in place. These serve as reminders of our commitment and responsibility to each other.

Finally, our relationship had a strong foundation in friendship and I think it as really helped us learn each other and grow together.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Riley and I are in a LDR. Right now, there is approx 280 miles and 4.5 hours between us. When he moves, it will cut down on some of the miles but the travel time will be the same.

We see each other 1-2 times per month, depending on our schedules and finances. Last month, we spend my birthday together and this month, we will have two weekends because my family vacation will happen about an hour from him.

In between visits, we talk/text daily. He calls me on his lunch break & on his way home plus we spend about an hour together on the phone before we say "good night."

Aside from communication, I think that biggest thing that helps me cope is how busy we each are. We both work full time; he is in school full time and I am raising a family. Additionally, we are in a D/s relationship and have a decent amount of rituals in place. These serve as reminders of our commitment and responsibility to each other.

Finally, our relationship had a strong foundation in friendship and I think it as really helped us learn each other and grow together.

I can handle 4 hours and a few times a month. In fact it might work great for me. I'm so busy. But LDR are very hard especially if you can't afford to fly or meet up often.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Sachita

I can handle 4 hours and a few times a month. In fact it might work great for me. I'm so busy. But LDR are very hard especially if you can't afford to fly or meet up often.

Yup this is so true.

i would love to calculate airfare costs just from this site and see how many millions has been spent.

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i would love to calculate airfare costs just from this site and see how many millions has been spent.

It's an interesting question. I think a lot of it would be spent anyway. Certainly, for me I've got a sense of wanderlust so I travel often, irrespective of whether I'm in a LDR or not.

I think many people are the same - they get a bit restless in the same place and need regular breaks elsewhere, whether for a weekend or a week and whether to meet up with a partner or to travel with a partner or friend. A LDR may be an excuse to travel but I've plenty of other excuses too.

[Darbonaire]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Yup this is so true.

i would love to calculate airfare costs just from this site and see how many millions has been spent.

I can only imagine......lol...I know I've spent a bunch over the years !

[mplsgrrl]

I'm thankful this thread has been revived.

I have always thought long-distance relationships were not for me. They still aren't. Not really. I cannot believe I am in one. We've been "dating" for the last 3 months or so. She lives in Canada. I live 1100+ miles away in the states.

I have fallen. Hard. I met her through a dating site and flew out within the first 2 weeks to meet her in person. I wanted to see if we would really be a "match". It went well. Almost too well. I flew out a second time. And she has visited me once. I will be going out there again for 2 weeks at the end of this month.

It is very difficult to not be physically present with someone (for me). We talk and text everyday (lots) and often use Skype.

I feel like we've gotten a bit caught up in - how are we going to make it not a LDR? It would involve a marriage and me moving to Canada. Whoa! Huge step! (And yes it's only been 3 months.) I'm very well-established (career, home owner, etc) where I live and I would be unravelling all that to move there. It will also be a major culture change: urban to rural.

So... now I've decided to back up a bit and really think about the relationship part of it... A LDR is a new experience for me. I think I'm willing to work on it though because the alternative would be not having this person in my life. And I'm not willing to give that up at this point.

[Silverseastar]

I'm really enjoying reading the variety of experiences and responses.

I'm like Ciaran and love travel so I think it can make LDR exciting for me. I'm also a very physical person so that is where the challenge comes in. If I'm in love I want to make out, hold hands, lay on their chest, snuggle to sleep...etc... and that can't happen LD nearly as often.

But that all being said, the right person is the right person and that is something special and worth pursuing like mplsgrrl was saying.

[Darbonaire]

Originally Posted by Silverseastar

I'm really enjoying reading the variety of experiences and responses.

I'm like Ciaran and love travel so I think it can make LDR exciting for me. I'm also a very physical person so that is where the challenge comes in. If I'm in love I want to make out, hold hands, lay on their chest, snuggle to sleep...etc... and that can't happen LD nearly as often.

But that all being said, the right person is the right person and that is something special and worth pursuing like mplsgrrl was saying.

I feel you are right in this. I, while not being really as physical focused as some, do enjoy haolding hands & snuggling. I also enjoy knowing that the person is THERE. But, for me anyway, LD will work since I'm only looking to establish friendships. In time though, I will want a "no distance' relationship....lol....I wish for ALL of us to find what makes us happy, comfortable, & secure ! Whatever that looks like & feels like !

[Darbonaire]

Originally Posted by mplsgrrl

I'm thankful this thread has been revived.

I have always thought long-distance relationships were not for me. They still aren't. Not really. I cannot believe I am in one. We've been "dating" for the last 3 months or so. She lives in Canada. I live 1100+ miles away in the states.

I have fallen. Hard. I met her through a dating site and flew out within the first 2 weeks to meet her in person. I wanted to see if we would really be a "match". It went well. Almost too well. I flew out a second time. And she has visited me once. I will be going out there again for 2 weeks at the end of this month.

It is very difficult to not be physically present with someone (for me). We talk and text everyday (lots) and often use Skype.

I feel like we've gotten a bit caught up in - how are we going to make it not a LDR? It would involve a marriage and me moving to Canada. Whoa! Huge step! (And yes it's only been 3 months.) I'm very well-established (career, home owner, etc) where I live and I would be unravelling all that to move there. It will also be a major culture change: urban to rural.

So... now I've decided to back up a bit and really think about the relationship part of it... A LDR is a new experience for me. I think I'm willing to work on it though because the alternative would be not having this person in my life. And I'm not willing to give that up at this point.

It's always best to step back a bit....always....<IMHO anyway>

[Sachita]

I really don't want to be a Debbie Downer or discourage any type of love but I did have a few bad experiences want those of you embarking on this journey to also be realistic.

back in early 2000 I met someone and we had a LDR for almost 8 months. After 3 months I insisted she fly to see me or I could not continue the relationship. I offered to even pay for half of the ticket. I was taking care of rescued animals at the time and had no one to watch them while I traveled. She would make arrangements and then cancel last minute with some excuse I later discovered was all lies. She painted this picture that was so far from who she really was. Where she lives, worked, family, all big lies. There were a few red flags but I chalked it off as fear. Countless phone conversations and online chat. Its easy to fall in love with a dream.

She finally arrived and almost right away it things began to unfold. Once I had discovered the magnitude of deception I ended the relationship but we kept in contact, or at least she did claiming that she was afraid and there were countless excuses. But there really wasn't any reason to invent the grand stories she told. If you need to be private, say nothing, don't invent lies. I believe in being forthright and honest at the start of any relationship. I don't need to invent BS to make myself look good in someones eyes. If they can't accept the real me then I'm not going to invest my precious time. Its that simple.

I'm a smart ass woman. I can see things but i admit that sometimes I'm busy or I just don't pry. But you gotta wake up pretty early to pull the wool over my eyes, HOWEVER because of love, being lonely and often removed from my community (living rural) I fall into traps.

This has happened to me a few times. Thankfully the last time I spotted it right away and didn't allow it to continue. I am still open to a LDR if they make the time to meet face to face within a reasonable time, they are forthright and not hiding a lot of shit. I will not continue a lengthy online/phone thing beyond 3 months. After I will expect both of us to travel often and carefully get a glimpse into each others lives- our friends, families, etc. this is important to me. After a year I would expect us to begin to make some decisions on being in the same state. I would not leave my granddaughter, therefore if I were to move it would mean selling or moving my business and moving my family, otherwise they would need to be happy on the farm!

Its easy to project your inner most desires. We are passionate human beings and our community presents some challenges. But its important to keep a clear and level head when investing so much emotion.