Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness)

[Ginger]

I'm glad this thread is here.

I think people's identities are all so unique.

If someone takes credit for liberating or waking up or setting free the femme in you, beware.

That honor is yours only.

Anyway, that's what I believe.

[Artdecogoddess]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I'm glad this thread is here.

I think people's identities are all so unique.

If someone takes credit for liberating or waking up or setting free the femme in you, beware.

That honor is yours only.

Anyway, that's what I believe.

This is wonderful! Thank you for posting this!

ADG

[girl_dee]

When you are out with your SO at dinner and the server looks at you both, back and forth and then looks away and says:

*is this on the same ticket?*



or at the end of the meal they come over and slideeeeeee the dinner ticket between you so as not to ask *who's paying*


i love the old guys who stare at Syr, then at me, then back at Syr.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

When you are out with your SO at dinner and the server looks at you both, back and forth and then looks away and says:

*is this on the same ticket?*



or at the end of the meal they come over and slideeeeeee the dinner ticket between you so as not to ask *who's paying*


i love the old guys who stare at Syr, then at me, then back at Syr.

I find that most people who ignorantly ask if I'm with mine that they're so stuck on straight privilege that they forget their manners. It's rude, unprofesional, and ignorant.


As for the check it's 9 times out of 10 handed to me, I tend to make it very clear in the world who's Master & Commander of our voyage in the world.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I find that most people who ignorantly ask if I'm with mine that they're so stuck on straight privilege that they forget their manners. It's rude, unprofesional, and ignorant.


As for the check it's 9 times out of 10 handed to me, I tend to make it very clear in the world who's Master & Commander of our voyage in the world.

i find the patrons are way more rude/ignorant than most waitstaff. i suppose the staff are so cautious about making assumptions that they just stumble at times.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i find the patrons are way more rude/ignorant than most waitstaff. i suppose the staff are so cautious about making assumptions that they just stumble at times.

We're foodie, traveling, food truck experiencing kinda folk so with patrons it regional .



When we've travelled out West, up North our dynamic wasn't a biggie with staff or patrons we can either enjoy our meal as a couple or as a family.


In Wyoming and The South regardless of how deep it is staff and patrons are down right rude, imposing, and irritating.


I'm not a fan of having my experiences in life ruined by isms from anyone I'm handing my money to. If you're stupid enough to stare as I walk through to be seated I'm going to br vocally expressive and ask that they mind their business. If it's not a known Queer safe establishment or town I'm pretty prepared to deal with idiots in a calm demeanor. That goes out the window if the man cub is around and anyone chooses to cross into our space. It's not pretty but it's something not new when it comes to assholes.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

We're foodie, traveling, food truck experiencing kinda folk so with patrons it regional .



When we've travelled out West, up North our dynamic wasn't a biggie with staff or patrons we can either enjoy our meal as a couple or as a family.


In Wyoming and The South regardless of how deep it is staff and patrons are down right rude, imposing, and irritating.


I'm not a fan of having my experiences in life ruined by isms from anyone I'm handing my money to. If you're stupid enough to stare as I walk through to be seated I'm going to br vocally expressive and ask that they mind their business. If it's not a known Queer safe establishment or town I'm pretty prepared to deal with idiots in a calm demeanor. That goes out the window if the man cub is around and anyone chooses to cross into our space. It's not pretty but it's something not new when it comes to assholes.

Yaknow i thought it was just me but i have noticed a difference in wait staff in regions.

Even in the language they use to address us.

[spritzerJ]

I should start with a bit of a warning... I am tired today.

Embracing my femmeness is recent. Like the pendulum swung in the femme direction and hovers there now. I've spent most of my adult life being blah (my own word since I really tried not to stand out), middle of the road, androgynous looking. I've not questioned my connection to being a woman. Overall, I've felt no disconnect from the body I was born into (my eyelashes are very thin and I don't like that since it is strictly out of proportion to the rest of my bodies dimensions).

These days I don't mind standing out and being more "girly" looking. Dressing in a way that feels good to me. I am very tired of the assumptions that go with the "girly" look. This may be one of the reasons I didn't dress this way before that I forgot.

Assumptions that irritate me:
1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she?

2. that I am more concerned with how I and others look than ideas/thoughts. My brain is so much more important to me than my body when it comes to how I want people to experience me. It is what I focus on in getting to know other people.

3. the but you are so girly looks/statements when I speak about feminism, sexism, classism, and racism. People share their -isms more openly, as if I will condone them or something. I am sure I am not adequately describing this phenomenon but it freaks me out. the oh I thought you'd be okay with it looks or statements.

4. my dry and subtle sarcasm is totally misunderstood more now than it was before. I really don't want to change that part of me so I use more disclaimers which totally ruins the punch line or the thought provoking nature of saying the exact opposite of what I really think with a straight expressionless face.

Being at work really highlights how femme I am and how femme I am not. That maybe because I work in a very weird section of the state. I am considering going for the hippy look. Just so people won't be so limiting. I am currently experiencing considerable femme angst right now.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

Assumptions that irritate me:
1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she?

That one really bugs me too. Mostly because it comes from LGBTQI people the most. I understand about being 'blah' and kind of inconspicuous. In my experience, it's more about not being seen by potential attackers or competitors (women and men).

Again, this is a great thread and I love the perspective y'all share here. Thanks!