Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Fatale

Years ago I hired an emotional baggage porter and that has helped a lot. I let him do the heavy lifting so I'm free to do me.

I don't know that I can call my issue a scar, really, but I think it might scar and scare others. When I speak about it, perhaps because I'm femme, or particularly because I'm femme, I've actually had people say things akin to, "Wow, that's such a guy thing to say, think, feel, act." The simple truth is, I don't think I'm wired for the long haul. I don't foster fantasies about finding my one and only and spending the rest of our lives together. I don't think I want that. I'm okay with falling in love with someone even as I understand that it will likely be a finite thing. I learn from every relationship I have, each adds its threads to my tapestry and then I move on. I don't mean that to sound as scavengeresque as it might. Yes, growing with someone is a lovely thing. It can strenghten and deepen the relationship. I just don't want to do it for years and years with the same person. At least at this point in my life, that idea bores the fuck out of me. Does that make me seem callous, heartless, pity worthy? I don't know. While I think there's definitely something to be said for the whole "leave 'em wanting more" philosophy, it's neither my ambition or intent to leave forlorn lovers in my wake. I'm always up front about my feelings and were they to be honest about it, none of my exes would ever be able to say they didn't know my feelings on the topic. I truly believe I am a serial monogamist. After each parting I take time for myself because I also really dig being single for stretches.

Perhaps this will change in years to come, but right now I cannot imagine it.

Fatale -- I don't think that makes you callous or horrible in any way! I know some women (more women than men actually) who look at love as something that comes and goes throughout someone's life. Different people come into your life for a while and then things go another way. You learn something from each one and you grow throughout the process. It's not a bad way to look at things. It helps you to appreciate what you have.

I think, for you, dating someone like me would be a nightmare. You would have to find someone who either shares your attitude or is secure enough to realize that you will last as long as things are good and confident enough to think they're going to make it good for a long time.

For me, my ideal would be to love the same person throughout my life (and possibly afterlife), but I understand not everyone gets that. And for some people, it happens more than once. We play with the cards we are dealt.