What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

lusciouskiwi · 09-21-2012, 09:35 PM

I used to say that the three "C's" were important to me (in no particular order):

culinary stimulation
cerebral stimulation
clitoral stimulation

These days I would say:

1. You enjoy using your intellect - I'm not such a snob that I would only be with someone who has a university education but I will be bored to tears if you're not interested in talking/reading about anything. So I should add to #1, enjoy talking about everything and anything.

2. Enjoy food - different food, experimenting at home, trying new restaurants. 5 star is lovely but not something I can usually afford. Street food is good. TGIF and Outback Steakhouse, etc are fun every so often but I'm just as happy to go down to the local Vietnamese restaurant or fish and chips on the beach.

3. Sex. I'm never going to be in a relationship again where my partner isn't sexual with me. Of course we go through periods - so damn tired and stressed from work, sick, etc where sexual drive takes a bit of a hammering, but still, if you aren't prepared to be sexual with me AND not prepared to work out why, then I hope I have the balls to end the relationship.

4. Why stop at 3? You need to be interested in me. I don't mean hanging on to every word I say or being joined at my hip. Like others have said, we each had our own lives previously right? And if we didn't perhaps we shouldn't start this journey. If you can't describe who I am then it means you don't really know me or understand me, so why would you be with me?

And as staunch as I may sound,

5. Be gentle with me. And patient.

Oh yeah, also gentle and patient with Madam Butterfly.

For the hell of it, I'm going to add #6

6. We are each other's Number #1 Fan Club.

Corkey · 09-21-2012, 10:20 PM

Integrity
Intelligence
Self confidence.

Luckily my wife is all of these and more.

Darbonaire · 10-18-2012, 07:49 PM

Hmmmm...

Honesty.

Intelligence

A sense of humor

there are more but that's a start

Kent · 10-18-2012, 08:37 PM

Lying
Cheating
Doping

MissItalianDiva · 10-18-2012, 11:02 PM

I have too many perhaps but here are three...

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life

3. Dishonesty in any form

Scuba · 10-19-2012, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

AMEN to this!

JAGG · 10-19-2012, 04:38 AM

Must like physical activity IE. running biking hiking camping swimming kayaking golf tennis etc...

Must keep a clean house, can't stand a slob or clutter.

Must be affectionate and high sex drive.

I need to add one more

A partner in projects. I have lived alone all my life and I really want someone who understands teamwork. And wants to do their part in home projects.

easygoingfemme · 10-19-2012, 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

I have too many perhaps but here are three...

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life

3. Dishonesty in any form

These three for me too please and thank you- in addition to my above noted three. I know, it makes six but... it's just talk right?

Oh, and Jealousy. Maybe that goes with the territorial disclaimer but no jealous natured people need apply.

Darbonaire · 10-19-2012, 06:04 AM

Don't ask or expect me to change to please you. Same goes for you....don't change to please me. If you aren't honest from day 1 about who you are & what you find important, then how will we know if we're compatible?

Football....if you are SO into football that it's all that matters for the 13 weeks of college games....we aren't a match....at all! <I really mean this....lol>....it's great if you love it & I support that....the "different drum thing" but, it isn't for me at all.

Stone.....I'm not being disrespectful...it's just that it's not what I want or need in a partner. <hoping I don't get flamed for this>....

imperfect_cupcake · 10-19-2012, 03:38 PM

1.) Wet. dear god. have a spine and and don't be afraid of confrontation
2.) I really would rather deal with many troublesome attributes and "difficult" people than someone who is so calm I find them to have no spark. I know many girls like the quiet strong types who are on an even keel. I'm glad there are people who like them. But it's not me. Laugh loud, live with bright colours and I'll put up with you being a pain in the ass.
3.) humour - as in sarcasm, irony, crusty and gritty warmth.

Darbonaire · 10-19-2012, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

1.) Wet. dear god. have a spine and and don't be afraid of confrontation
2.) I really would rather deal with many troublesome attributes and "difficult" people than someone who is so calm I find them to have no spark. I know many girls like the quiet strong types who are on an even keel. I'm glad there are people who like them. But it's not me. Laugh loud, live with bright colours and I'll put up with you being a pain in the ass.
3.) humour - as in sarcasm, irony, crusty and gritty warmth.

SO many people would rather have the easy, calm, nothing ruffles them types....LOL..I am SO not that...ask my ex...it drove her nuts !....Great list Honey!

imperfect_cupcake · 10-19-2012, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

SO many people would rather have the easy, calm, nothing ruffles them types....LOL..I am SO not that...ask my ex...it drove her nuts !....Great list Honey!

heh. if someone can make an idiot of themselves to make me laugh, tease me, take the piss, argue with me in a fun way even thought they are frustrating as hell, I don't care if they can't do their paperwork. Can't change a light bulb. I don't mind slightly helpless in some ways - I need to feel useful too. But as long as they love to make me laugh, love to make me smile, like to show off for my attention, I'm a fabulous audience. And I don't mind a ranty temper (as long as it passes quick) as long as they love people and know how to suck up to me after. And I'd much rather have the high end sizzling chemistry that goes with all of that. I'm a passionate person and I like big colour

Just so long as it's not the mindf*ck off-on shit and they know how to cuddle a lot.

Angeltoes · 10-19-2012, 05:25 PM

Rather than thinking about what I won't tolerate I prefer to think about what I require in a partner. I don't want to enter into a relationship with rules in my head. I think relationships depend on flexibility and compromise. I just want someone who makes me happy.

Intelligence
Makes me laugh
Is tolerant/forgiving/understanding... because I am.

wahya · 03-29-2013, 04:13 PM

No cheating, supportive, and love of animals.

DJ Bear · 03-29-2013, 05:00 PM

nonnegotiables for me:

We BOTH Communicate with each other.
No Lies by either of us.
She craves affection and I crave her.
Respect, goes both ways.
She loves surprises, getting flowers, little gifts.
She loves the holidays and enjoys decorating for them.
She wants a Butch/Daddy.
Lastly, she loves all animals especially my dog.

Jean_TX · 03-29-2013, 05:48 PM

What a challenge to limit my "non-negotiables" to just three things! For me, the top three are fundamental and absolute:

1. Honesty - the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when it comes to those things that can affect our lives. I will not tolerate deception (overt lies, concealment, or weasel wording).

2. Fidelity - in thoughts, words, and deeds. True fidelity is the product of one's deep love; it is not merely a matter of following some 'rules' that have been imposed on oneself by one's partner.

3. Kindness - which, in addition to thoughtfulness and affection, implies treating one another respectfully.

Velvetkitten · 03-30-2013, 10:10 PM

Just Three?? As someone said in an earlier post after having to go through heartache and having those experiences there's a lot more then three but the top three would have to be:

Honesty

Must be a Daddy, a real one don't just talk the talk. I am use to being the boss and I want to come home and surrender completely and know I am being taken care of mentally and physically

Must love animals...you know that saying "If you don't like pet hair stay off my furniture" My animals are allowed on the bed, on the couch and just about wherever they are comfortable

MysticOceansFL · 03-30-2013, 10:12 PM

Don't Lie, Cheat or steal

09-21-2012, 10:20 PM	#2
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,268 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Integrity Intelligence Self confidence. Luckily my wife is all of these and more. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

10-18-2012, 07:49 PM	#3
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	Only 3 ? Hmmmm... Honesty. Intelligence A sense of humor there are more but that's a start

10-18-2012, 08:37 PM	#4
Kent Member How Do You Identify?: Male Relationship Status: Single Tournaments Won: 2 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: TX Posts: 1,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,564 Thanked 2,058 Times in 720 Posts Rep Power: 19241326	What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)? Lying Cheating Doping __________________ Kent

10-19-2012, 04:38 AM	#7
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,531 Times in 4,137 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Must like physical activity IE. running biking hiking camping swimming kayaking golf tennis etc... Must keep a clean house, can't stand a slob or clutter. Must be affectionate and high sex drive. I need to add one more A partner in projects. I have lived alone all my life and I really want someone who understands teamwork. And wants to do their part in home projects. __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

10-19-2012, 06:04 AM	#9
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	3 more....lol....sorry... Don't ask or expect me to change to please you. Same goes for you....don't change to please me. If you aren't honest from day 1 about who you are & what you find important, then how will we know if we're compatible? Football....if you are SO into football that it's all that matters for the 13 weeks of college games....we aren't a match....at all! <I really mean this....lol>....it's great if you love it & I support that....the "different drum thing" but, it isn't for me at all. Stone.....I'm not being disrespectful...it's just that it's not what I want or need in a partner. <hoping I don't get flamed for this>....

09-21-2012, 09:35 PM	#1
lusciouskiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme lesbian feminist Preferred Pronoun?: Anything except for "aunty" Relationship Status: Happy with my butch. Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Aotearoa New Zealand Posts: 2,681 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 25,494 Thanked 9,095 Times in 1,899 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I used to say that the three "C's" were important to me (in no particular order): culinary stimulation cerebral stimulation clitoral stimulation These days I would say: 1. You enjoy using your intellect - I'm not such a snob that I would only be with someone who has a university education but I will be bored to tears if you're not interested in talking/reading about anything. So I should add to #1, enjoy talking about everything and anything. 2. Enjoy food - different food, experimenting at home, trying new restaurants. 5 star is lovely but not something I can usually afford. Street food is good. TGIF and Outback Steakhouse, etc are fun every so often but I'm just as happy to go down to the local Vietnamese restaurant or fish and chips on the beach. 3. Sex. I'm never going to be in a relationship again where my partner isn't sexual with me. Of course we go through periods - so damn tired and stressed from work, sick, etc where sexual drive takes a bit of a hammering, but still, if you aren't prepared to be sexual with me AND not prepared to work out why, then I hope I have the balls to end the relationship. 4. Why stop at 3? You need to be interested in me. I don't mean hanging on to every word I say or being joined at my hip. Like others have said, we each had our own lives previously right? And if we didn't perhaps we shouldn't start this journey. If you can't describe who I am then it means you don't really know me or understand me, so why would you be with me? And as staunch as I may sound, 5. Be gentle with me. And patient. Oh yeah, also gentle and patient with Madam Butterfly. For the hell of it, I'm going to add #6 6. We are each other's Number #1 Fan Club. __________________ happiness is a form of courage. George Holbrook Jackson Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Katherine Mansfield Motivate yourself or be miserable. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Wayne Dyer

10-18-2012, 11:02 PM	#5
MissItalianDiva Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status: divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SLC Utah Posts: 2,284 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,768 Thanked 7,159 Times in 1,793 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I have too many perhaps but here are three... 1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant 2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life 3. Dishonesty in any form

10-19-2012, 03:38 PM	#10
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	1.) Wet. dear god. have a spine and and don't be afraid of confrontation 2.) I really would rather deal with many troublesome attributes and "difficult" people than someone who is so calm I find them to have no spark. I know many girls like the quiet strong types who are on an even keel. I'm glad there are people who like them. But it's not me. Laugh loud, live with bright colours and I'll put up with you being a pain in the ass. 3.) humour - as in sarcasm, irony, crusty and gritty warmth.

10-19-2012, 05:25 PM	#13
Angeltoes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Nunya Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Bernlandia Posts: 1,740 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,286 Thanked 5,525 Times in 1,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Rather than thinking about what I won't tolerate I prefer to think about what I require in a partner. I don't want to enter into a relationship with rules in my head. I think relationships depend on flexibility and compromise. I just want someone who makes me happy. Intelligence Makes me laugh Is tolerant/forgiving/understanding... because I am. __________________ Now say you're sorry for ushering in the fourth fucking reich- anonymous

03-29-2013, 04:13 PM	#14
wahya Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: im good Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 296 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 506 Thanked 857 Times in 240 Posts Rep Power: 0	No cheating, supportive, and love of animals.

03-29-2013, 05:00 PM	#15
DJ Bear Member How Do You Identify?: Daddy, Papa, just Me Preferred Pronoun?: he, him, sir, bro, hey you Relationship Status: Married to library_girl Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Illinois with my baby girl Posts: 144 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 404 Thanked 552 Times in 138 Posts Rep Power: 8324586	nonnegotiables for me: We BOTH Communicate with each other. No Lies by either of us. She craves affection and I crave her. Respect, goes both ways. She loves surprises, getting flowers, little gifts. She loves the holidays and enjoys decorating for them. She wants a Butch/Daddy. Lastly, she loves all animals especially my dog.

03-29-2013, 05:48 PM	#16
Jean_TX Junior Member How Do You Identify?: via driver's license Preferred Pronoun?: Jean Relationship Status: Not available Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 78 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 197 Thanked 216 Times in 61 Posts Rep Power: 1155756	What a challenge to limit my "non-negotiables" to just three things! For me, the top three are fundamental and absolute: 1. Honesty - the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when it comes to those things that can affect our lives. I will not tolerate deception (overt lies, concealment, or weasel wording). 2. Fidelity - in thoughts, words, and deeds. True fidelity is the product of one's deep love; it is not merely a matter of following some 'rules' that have been imposed on oneself by one's partner. 3. Kindness - which, in addition to thoughtfulness and affection, implies treating one another respectfully. __________________ Why not just remove all the warning labels and let Nature take care of the problem?

03-30-2013, 10:10 PM	#17
Velvetkitten Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Bratty Daddys girl Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Girl,Girl, friend Relationship Status: My soul is torn leave be Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Boston Posts: 217 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 303 Thanked 350 Times in 100 Posts Rep Power: 0	Just Three?? As someone said in an earlier post after having to go through heartache and having those experiences there's a lot more then three but the top three would have to be: Honesty Must be a Daddy, a real one don't just talk the talk. I am use to being the boss and I want to come home and surrender completely and know I am being taken care of mentally and physically Must love animals...you know that saying "If you don't like pet hair stay off my furniture" My animals are allowed on the bed, on the couch and just about wherever they are comfortable

03-30-2013, 10:12 PM	#18
MysticOceansFL Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Preferred Pronoun?: People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status: Not Single, Not Desperate. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 3,833 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,645 Thanked 4,033 Times in 1,720 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My thoughts Don't Lie, Cheat or steal __________________ Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "......