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Old 10-13-2012, 07:46 PM   #1
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Originally Posted by Martina View Post
Weird eery heteronormative music started playing in the background when I was reading this thread.
Are you saying it's weird to not date other femmes and to prefer butches? Not saying I don't find femmes to be *beautiful* but it saddens me to be boxed into the weird category once again because I prefer dating the more masculine end of the spectrum. Cues Radiohead *I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo*....
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Old 10-13-2012, 07:54 PM   #2
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Gender is much less important to me when this boundary issue exists than the fact that I want to honor my friendships and maintain loyalty to my heartfriends.

I would feel exactly the same way if say Just_G, whom I consider to be one of my close Butch friends, suddenly started dating Butches, got into a long term relationship, was all in love and shit, and they then split up. I wouldn't date G's ex partner, Butch or Femme or Transman, for the exact same reason I don't date my girlfriend's exes.

The bonds I have with my Femme girlfriends are special though, no doubt, and whether it's het-normative or not, those relationships are a type of bond that is specific, intentional, and some of the most affirming space I have in my life.
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Old 10-13-2012, 07:55 PM   #3
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I don't see heteronormalitive being played out at all. If i were into femmes and i had had a close femme friend i wouldn't date her either. No difference whatsoever.

And besides, all butches are not male identified for sure.

Has nothing to do with ID that i see.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:08 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Angeltoes View Post
Are you saying it's weird to not date other femmes and to prefer butches?
No. I wasn't saying that.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:14 PM   #5
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I am trying to understand Martina.

Aren't we talking about dating a friend's ex here?

I don't think anyone is saying they are out to get someone's partner if they aren't a friend.

Exes is the key work i believe.

Again, i don't see anything heteronormalitive about it.

This is the femme zone. So it's femme's talking to other femmes. Never crossed my mind this would be seen as heteronormalitive due to any loyalty to other femme's. I must be missing something.
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Old 10-13-2012, 09:00 PM   #6
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I am trying to understand Martina.

Aren't we talking about dating a friend's ex here?...

Actually, there are 2 discussions going on. The original post stated the two women were NOT friends, they were acquaintances. The thread did go off on another discussion of dating friends' exes, and ex's friends, and other combinations.

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Old 10-13-2012, 09:09 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks View Post
Actually, there are 2 discussions going on. The original post stated the two women were NOT friends, they were acquaintances. The thread did go off on another discussion of dating friends' exes, and ex's friends, and other combinations.

Yes it did.

Edited to add: All of our threads do. Well, most of them. Good convos happen that way sometimes.

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Old 10-13-2012, 08:06 PM   #8
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I get the friend thing. I don't get the femme code thing. That strikes me as sexist and heteronormative.

Sexist in the sense that if we didn't claim this great loyalty bond, we'd be out there conniving to get each other's partners.

Heteronormative in grouping like gender people "friends" and the other gender as "potential dates."
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