Dating other femmes exes: what do you think?

Angeltoes · 10-13-2012, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

Weird eery heteronormative music started playing in the background when I was reading this thread.

Are you saying it's weird to not date other femmes and to prefer butches? Not saying I don't find femmes to be *beautiful* but it saddens me to be boxed into the weird category once again because I prefer dating the more masculine end of the spectrum. Cues Radiohead *I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo*....

Medusa · 10-13-2012, 07:54 PM

Gender is much less important to me when this boundary issue exists than the fact that I want to honor my friendships and maintain loyalty to my heartfriends.

I would feel exactly the same way if say Just_G, whom I consider to be one of my close Butch friends, suddenly started dating Butches, got into a long term relationship, was all in love and shit, and they then split up. I wouldn't date G's ex partner, Butch or Femme or Transman, for the exact same reason I don't date my girlfriend's exes.

The bonds I have with my Femme girlfriends are special though, no doubt, and whether it's het-normative or not, those relationships are a type of bond that is specific, intentional, and some of the most affirming space I have in my life.

princessbelle · 10-13-2012, 07:55 PM

I don't see heteronormalitive being played out at all. If i were into femmes and i had had a close femme friend i wouldn't date her either. No difference whatsoever.

And besides, all butches are not male identified for sure.

Has nothing to do with ID that i see.

Martina · 10-13-2012, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Are you saying it's weird to not date other femmes and to prefer butches?

No. I wasn't saying that.

princessbelle · 10-13-2012, 08:14 PM

I am trying to understand Martina.

Aren't we talking about dating a friend's ex here?

I don't think anyone is saying they are out to get someone's partner if they aren't a friend.

Exes is the key work i believe.

Again, i don't see anything heteronormalitive about it.

This is the femme zone. So it's femme's talking to other femmes. Never crossed my mind this would be seen as heteronormalitive due to any loyalty to other femme's. I must be missing something.

QueenofSmirks · 10-13-2012, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I am trying to understand Martina.

Aren't we talking about dating a friend's ex here?...

Actually, there are 2 discussions going on. The original post stated the two women were NOT friends, they were acquaintances. The thread did go off on another discussion of dating friends' exes, and ex's friends, and other combinations.

princessbelle · 10-13-2012, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

Actually, there are 2 discussions going on. The original post stated the two women were NOT friends, they were acquaintances. The thread did go off on another discussion of dating friends' exes, and ex's friends, and other combinations.

Yes it did.

Edited to add: All of our threads do. Well, most of them. Good convos happen that way sometimes.

Martina · 10-13-2012, 08:06 PM

I get the friend thing. I don't get the femme code thing. That strikes me as sexist and heteronormative.

Sexist in the sense that if we didn't claim this great loyalty bond, we'd be out there conniving to get each other's partners.

Heteronormative in grouping like gender people "friends" and the other gender as "potential dates."

10-13-2012, 07:54 PM	#2
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,684 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	Gender is much less important to me when this boundary issue exists than the fact that I want to honor my friendships and maintain loyalty to my heartfriends. I would feel exactly the same way if say Just_G, whom I consider to be one of my close Butch friends, suddenly started dating Butches, got into a long term relationship, was all in love and shit, and they then split up. I wouldn't date G's ex partner, Butch or Femme or Transman, for the exact same reason I don't date my girlfriend's exes. The bonds I have with my Femme girlfriends are special though, no doubt, and whether it's het-normative or not, those relationships are a type of bond that is specific, intentional, and some of the most affirming space I have in my life. __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

10-13-2012, 07:55 PM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I don't see heteronormalitive being played out at all. If i were into femmes and i had had a close femme friend i wouldn't date her either. No difference whatsoever. And besides, all butches are not male identified for sure. Has nothing to do with ID that i see. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

10-13-2012, 08:14 PM	#5
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I am trying to understand Martina. Aren't we talking about dating a friend's ex here? I don't think anyone is saying they are out to get someone's partner if they aren't a friend. Exes is the key work i believe. Again, i don't see anything heteronormalitive about it. This is the femme zone. So it's femme's talking to other femmes. Never crossed my mind this would be seen as heteronormalitive due to any loyalty to other femme's. I must be missing something. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

10-13-2012, 08:06 PM	#8
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,283 Times in 4,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I get the friend thing. I don't get the femme code thing. That strikes me as sexist and heteronormative. Sexist in the sense that if we didn't claim this great loyalty bond, we'd be out there conniving to get each other's partners. Heteronormative in grouping like gender people "friends" and the other gender as "potential dates."