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Old 10-14-2012, 12:33 PM   #1
The_Lady_Snow
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Thumbs down Thought

Someone mentioned in the CIJS thread about Femmes having to release exes, I'm not sure how that assumption was made from the discussion being had. Dating/fucking doesn't peg you in an ex category for me.

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I'm going to try to articulate what I know has turned into icky sexist stuff.

I'm bothered that the conversation we're having is now in another thread being discussed as if Femmes are holding EXes hostage and now a release the Ex thread needs to be made.

I'm not sure how this conclusion was made from the posts here hence my frustration and post
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Old 10-14-2012, 01:34 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow View Post
Someone mentioned in the CIJS thread about Femmes having to release exes, I'm not sure how that assumption was made from the discussion being had. Dating/fucking doesn't peg you in an ex category for me.

-----------------------


I'm going to try to articulate what I know has turned into icky sexist stuff.

I'm bothered that the conversation we're having is now in another thread being discussed as if Femmes are holding EXes hostage and now a release the Ex thread needs to be made.

I'm not sure how this conclusion was made from the posts here hence my frustration and post
yuck. i didn't read this thread as a "releasing exes" issue at all. i also wanted to say - even though i've disagreed with a lot of folks, i'm super grateful to anya for starting the discussion and to june and angie and everyone else who's posted. this is one of the most thought-provoking threads i've read in awhile. it did make me really stop and investigate some deep shit in my own self.

and can people not drag shit from thread to thread. please.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:00 PM   #3
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I don't see the scenario Aishah outlined as messy. That's me. I have to say that I haven't been involved in something like that since my twenties, when several friends had similar issues. But I wouldn't even associate it with youth and all that could mean.

I also don't even see it as putting romantic relationships above friendships if that is the overarching issue.

The fact is that rules work until they don't. I make decisions based on circumstances.

There were two situations like this among friends when I was in my twenties. In one case, I supported the friend who felt betrayed by her ex and good friend when they hooked up not long after the friend and her partner had broken up.

In the other, I supported the new couple. In that situation, the offended ex had cheated on her partner when they were together. She had not been a good partner. I felt that her ex deserved a shot at happiness and supported him. He is still with that person. Their eldest just went off to college this Fall.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:07 PM   #4
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the thing about messiness is...another value that is very important to me personally is growing my friends, family, and community.

so, no, i wouldn't want to make decisions or encourage others to make decisions that might cause discord or cause family or community to break. in the situation with shannon and nick (my friend who set me up with her ex), that actually could have been a big problem because we're all very deeply involved in the same communities locally and they started a community space together that i participate in.

that said, i also know that no family or community can be 100% happy or un-messy or not problematic all the time. to me, avoiding these situations could potentially be more unhealthy than confronting them.

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The fact is that rules work until they don't.
yes this!!
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:12 PM   #5
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Lightbulb More out loud thinking

I'd be just as upset if Jeff started dating boy of weather, I think it's because my heart is attached, I wouldn't care if Jeff dated TC though, I'd probably invite them to dinner!

Interesting.. I guess right now I can't think of mine being mine cause I like mine and happen to love mine and therefore why it makes me a lil sad to picture boy of weather kissing Jeff, June, Ken, Julie, etc etc kissing them on the neck in that way he do me. Though him taking them to Happy Hour at European Street really makes my head reel. I'd have to call my therapist A LOT!
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:00 PM   #6
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for me, utterly: rules work until they don't. I've had some serious eye openers in the last year about situations. I never, ever EVER though I would do polyamorous. Non-monog I didn't want to go back and do again, but I would consider it if pushed. I was recently asked about a poly thing I would have absolutely done. And it shocked the hell out of me.

At the age of 43, I am still shocked at how I can change given situations I had never thought of. Or been in.

I can no longer say "Oh I would *never* do X" because I have finally realised that my weirdo personal god or spirit familiar or talisman or ruling ancestor (all of which I don't believe in but because I don't it's funnier for them, I'm sure) is a Trickster. There is something about my life that resembles a practical joke when I get all up in my own about something. Or make absolutes. I get smacked with a big fat lesson about it. bang.

never ever want to get married cause you don't agree with it? Bang! I'm married. Be absolutely certain, beyond even a shadow of a doubt, that my partner would never, ever cheat or lie because of her high level of integrity? smack! suprise. Never do poly? Bang! guess again. Never do monog? TA DA! Never be the other woman? well look at what you've found yourself in? never EVER do that again!!! Oh *really*??

I could go on and on and on. the only thing I can say now is

"I haven't got a fucking clue what I would do" cause if I'm sure about it, I'll get put in place by that Trickster that follows me around.

And I can be really stubborn and willful. So life has some serious tricks for me up her sleeve.
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