When a Femme meets a Butch... dating advice!

Fatale · 10-24-2012, 07:28 PM

I've always been a big advocate and embracer of the direct approach. I couldn't quite suss out when next you will see this woman. I think you said you are considering or actually planning on doing some volunteer work for an group in which she's quite active, yes? What about simply going up to her as things are winding down and tell her that you'd like to continue discussing what you learned, observed, experienced with "Perhaps we can do that over coffee now if you have the time" approach. That way you at least have an initial platform. You could always slip in the ol' "Unless your girlfriend would mind, of course." tidbit. Yeah, it's a bit cheesy, but it might answer that particular question for you. I know, I know, it's a total throwback way of doing it. I'm just tossing out ideas.

Regarding whether she IDs as butch, how vital is that to you? You like her, are attracted to her, is it of utmost importance because that dynamic, or the lack of it, is not a negotiable for you?

I have been known to approach someone and say, "I find you attractive. If you'd care to know more about that, please give me a call." hand them my card, and leave. I know it's a bit brazen for some, but because it tends to catch people a little off guard it intrigues and it works. As many others have said, I think the technique is much less important than the gesture. A simple, "I would like to get to know you." can do wonders. Really, who doesn't want to be known?

Good luck. Yay, romance.

DapperButch · 10-24-2012, 08:07 PM

You said she was on Facebook. What does her relationship status say (or whatever it is called on there)?

Dance-with-me · 10-24-2012, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

If I had the time back I spent listening to these angsty convos, . . . . well, I'd have a lot more time. If you do ask her out, use the word "date."

LOL yes, my very best friend and I started with me asking her on a date that she didn't know was a date, and then freaked out when she realized that I considered it a date. We still laugh about it almost 20 years later - and I learned that lesson well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fatale

I've always been a big advocate and embracer of the direct approach. I couldn't quite suss out when next you will see this woman. I think you said you are considering or actually planning on doing some volunteer work for an group in which she's quite active, yes?

Unfortunately not quite that - she runs the program that I am volunteering to help, but most of what I'll do will not bring me into face-to-face contact with her.

Quote:

Regarding whether she IDs as butch, how vital is that to you? You like her, are attracted to her, is it of utmost importance because that dynamic, or the lack of it, is not a negotiable for you?

When I first re-entered the dating scene a few months ago I thought I would be ok with someone who was not butch, but I realize that I need that dynamic. I'm not a lipstick lesbian, I'm a femme who needs that butch/femme dance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

You said she was on Facebook. What does her relationship status say (or whatever it is called on there)?

She has it locked down private, no information visible.

Mike · 10-24-2012, 10:09 PM

hand her a card with your phone number on it and a question on the back. How bout a coffee date? and then just walk away. I bet she calls for no other reason than to see what you meant

easygoingfemme · 10-25-2012, 06:42 AM

Coming back to this to say: Because I know you and I know you over-think (And I say that with big love!)

Just let it happen.
Don't over flirt, over do, over worry, over mastermind the situation.
Just get to know her/hym.
There's already a process in place for you two to see each other on a regular basis. Start there.
Breath, enjoy, take your time.

10-24-2012, 08:07 PM	#2
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,814 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	You said she was on Facebook. What does her relationship status say (or whatever it is called on there)? __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-24-2012, 10:09 PM	#4
Mike In Loving Memory and Many Thanks Relationship Status: connected, emotionally and physically Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 511 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,188 Thanked 2,454 Times in 416 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	hand her a card with your phone number on it and a question on the back. How bout a coffee date? and then just walk away. I bet she calls for no other reason than to see what you meant __________________ Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein

10-24-2012, 07:28 PM	#1
Fatale Member How Do You Identify?: Not your average babe in the woods. Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: The edge Posts: 210 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 896 Times in 166 Posts Rep Power: 12150547	I've always been a big advocate and embracer of the direct approach. I couldn't quite suss out when next you will see this woman. I think you said you are considering or actually planning on doing some volunteer work for an group in which she's quite active, yes? What about simply going up to her as things are winding down and tell her that you'd like to continue discussing what you learned, observed, experienced with "Perhaps we can do that over coffee now if you have the time" approach. That way you at least have an initial platform. You could always slip in the ol' "Unless your girlfriend would mind, of course." tidbit. Yeah, it's a bit cheesy, but it might answer that particular question for you. I know, I know, it's a total throwback way of doing it. I'm just tossing out ideas. Regarding whether she IDs as butch, how vital is that to you? You like her, are attracted to her, is it of utmost importance because that dynamic, or the lack of it, is not a negotiable for you? I have been known to approach someone and say, "I find you attractive. If you'd care to know more about that, please give me a call." hand them my card, and leave. I know it's a bit brazen for some, but because it tends to catch people a little off guard it intrigues and it works. As many others have said, I think the technique is much less important than the gesture. A simple, "I would like to get to know you." can do wonders. Really, who doesn't want to be known? Good luck. Yay, romance.

10-25-2012, 06:42 AM	#5
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,682 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,014 Thanked 14,950 Times in 3,308 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Coming back to this to say: Because I know you and I know you over-think (And I say that with big love!) Just let it happen. Don't over flirt, over do, over worry, over mastermind the situation. Just get to know her/hym. There's already a process in place for you two to see each other on a regular basis. Start there. Breath, enjoy, take your time.