June Cleaver : Femme Friend or Femme Foe

[easygoingfemme]

I think it's time to visit the Housekeeping Monthly Good Wife's Guide from 1955: Printed May 13, 1955

The Good Wife's Guide

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
7. Be happy to see him.
8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
10. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
11. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
14. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
15. A good wife always knows her place.

[girl_dee]

Hey i got #3 down pat!

[JustJo]

So, let me start by saying I have never taken a women's studies course and have zero academic background on this era....so thank you to Martina and to pinkgeek for bringing in some of that context. I appreciate it greatly.

Here's my gut reaction to that 1955 "be a stepford wife" guide....

I think men, in general, were scared. WWII saw women stepping out of their former roles in massive numbers. Women were working out of the home, and not just as teachers and nurses....we were welders and truck drivers and machinists and every other thing that had been previously perceived as "men only."

And we did it well.

Women provided immense labor towards keeping the war effort, and the nation, moving...and we did it by doing things that men (in general) thought we could not do. I imagine that scared the crap out of them, because suddenly we were showing (not just saying) that we could do everything that men could do, and that we were their equals.

I don't think it's too big of a jump to say that seeing women perform work that had been percieved as too hard, too dirty, too whatever for them, was no less frightening to men than seeing former slaves learn to read and write was to former slaveowners. The biggest backlash towards any group has always happened when they try to step out of "their place."

I think the 1950s was about backlash, and men (and many women, too) trying to stuff women back into the box they had jumped out of.

I absolutely adore images of women from this time.

[easygoingfemme]

JustJo
Absolutly
I've had the thought in my mind to do research on the rate of suicide among women during that transition time when they were put back into housewife role after being in the work force. I did a little work on that when I was in college (women's studies major here) but didn't come up with much, but that was "back in the day" when there wasn't much available in online research and my work was more in letter writing, phone calls, library books. I might revisit that.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by easygoingfemme

The Good Wife's Guide



--Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

--You have no right to question him.

Ugh. I can't even.

I find these examples of male privilege still so prevalent today...in the workforce, everyday interactions with some men etc.-- that arrogant (implicit or explicit) attitude of his words are FAR more important than mine, and who am I to contribute/question his authority on this subject? Just listen (to him).

In fact, I think some students (high school) don't question a male teacher's authority/knowledge half as much as they do female teachers (we have discussed this).

[iamkeri1]

This thread is producing some incredible thought provoking stimuli for me. Many I may respond to as time passes, but which would now take more time and words than I have available. What I like best is Lady Snow's courage (which she generally seems to have in abundance) to just say out loud (write out loud?) what is so often argued about on other threads. That "femme" is queer.

Straight women are not "femme." I would go further to say (though I know this ideas truly lights some people's fire) that a person is "femme" only if she is attracted to butches. The terms grew up together and IN MY MIND are inextricable linked. There are lots of wonderful feminine appearing lesbians, attracted to other wonderful feminine appearing lesbians. But to me they are not "femmes". For me "femme" carries a political aspect to it that disassociates it, (but does not alienate it) from straight women or feminine lesbians. Straight women do not face negativity for being attracted to men. They may be hassled over a particular guy they are attracted to, but not the attraction to men in general. Feminine women may face all kinds of negativity for being attracted to other feminine women, but they do not challenge the norms of society in the ways that a femme butch coupling does.

Outsiders may see the pairing as hetero-normative, but the couple is, in fact, merely responding to their own attractions. Within the couple, they determine their own dynamics. Femme may be an auto mechanic and Butch may have the children. Femme may be the high powered attorney and Butch may be the stay-at-home partner, meeting Femme at the door when she returns from her hectic day in the courtroom with a flute of Champagne, wearing nothing but a jockstrap. (oops, slipped into my own personal fantasy with the jockstrap image, LOL.) But they still live (and love) the butch femme dynamic. They challenge others to re-think what they have previously defined as "male" and "female." in a way that other pairings do not.

As a child I never liked the "Leave it to Beaver" show, (two stupider boys never existed, and Dad was pretty much of a whining pain in the butt.) I never liked June Cleaver, and I never thought she was particularly feminine. I did not aspire to that particular style of beauty. It was too straight-laced for me. Now that I am an adult, looking back at the fifties and early sixties, I look at Ms Cleaver, and see the public image of many butches of the day. Short smoothed back hair, tiny earings, little or no makeup and the manliest dress they could get their hands on. Dresses were required attire for any female worker outside of a factory. You had to shut up and fit in or be unemployed. Home was the freedom place ... and the gay bar. I am single since the death of my darling, and I am registered on. well, lots, of dating sites, (lesbian dating sites.) Many of the women on these sites closely resemble June Cleaver.


For those of you who found Ms Cleaver's perfection to be challenging or daunting, remember - it is much easier to be perfect when you only have to do it for 1/2 hour per week.


Keep writing, my beautiful femmes, you are so smart.

Smooches,
Keri

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

This thread is producing some incredible thought provoking stimuli for me. Many I may respond to as time passes, but which would now take more time and words than I have available. What I like best is Lady Snow's courage (which she generally seems to have in abundance) to just say out loud (write out loud?) what is so often argued about on other threads. That "femme" is queer.

Straight women are not "femme." I would go further to say (though I know this ideas truly lights some people's fire) that a person is "femme" only if she is attracted to butches. The terms grew up together and IN MY MIND are inextricable linked. There are lots of wonderful feminine appearing lesbians, attracted to other wonderful feminine appearing lesbians. But to me they are not "femmes". For me "femme" carries a political aspect to it that disassociates it, (but does not alienate it) from straight women or feminine lesbians. Straight women do not face negativity for being attracted to men. They may be hassled over a particular guy they are attracted to, but not the attraction to men in general. Feminine women may face all kinds of negativity for being attracted to other feminine women, but they do not challenge the norms of society in the ways that a femme butch coupling does.

Outsiders may see the pairing as hetero-normative, but the couple is, in fact, merely responding to their own attractions. Within the couple, they determine their own dynamics. Femme may be an auto mechanic and Butch may have the children. Femme may be the high powered attorney and Butch may be the stay-at-home partner, meeting Femme at the door when she returns from her hectic day in the courtroom with a flute of Champagne, wearing nothing but a jockstrap. (oops, slipped into my own personal fantasy with the jockstrap image, LOL.) But they still live (and love) the butch femme dynamic. They challenge others to re-think what they have previously defined as "male" and "female." in a way that other pairings do not.

As a child I never liked the "Leave it to Beaver" show, (two stupider boys never existed, and Dad was pretty much of a whining pain in the butt.) I never liked June Cleaver, and I never thought she was particularly feminine. I did not aspire to that particular style of beauty. It was too straight-laced for me. Now that I am an adult, looking back at the fifties and early sixties, I look at Ms Cleaver, and see the public image of many butches of the day. Short smoothed back hair, tiny earings, little or no makeup and the manliest dress they could get their hands on. Dresses were required attire for any female worker outside of a factory. You had to shut up and fit in or be unemployed. Home was the freedom place ... and the gay bar. I am single since the death of my darling, and I am registered on. well, lots, of dating sites, (lesbian dating sites.) Many of the women on these sites closely resemble June Cleaver.


For those of you who found Ms Cleaver's perfection to be challenging or daunting, remember - it is much easier to be perfect when you only have to do it for 1/2 hour per week.


Keep writing, my beautiful femmes, you are so smart.

Smooches,
Keri

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I'd like to touch on my personal perception of Femme, Femme is my gender, it's an evolution from dyke. My gender (Femme) isn't tied to butch, it really isn't tied to anything other that it's my gender presentation. AND because my Femme/gender varies I am comfortable with it because of the very fact that Femme is variant.

So with that thought process I am comfortable in my gender and I can express it fully from one end of the spectrum to the other and not skip a beat or worry about being *less than* when doing so comfortably in the real world. The only time I catch myself questioning my Femme "status" is online, but that's on me for letting others words fuck with my head.


I am Femme period. That means I am Femme as I sit here in my pajamas with my nappy hair pulled back, no make up, crusty ass feet cause I need a pedi, my hair all kinky and unruly and I am Femme.


That also means I can get up, shower, slap a dress on (I only wear dresses here no because it's Florida and it's fucking hot) and go to the store in flip flops no make up and I am jamming on my tunes as Femme.

Which also means when I am at work be it with stains all over me or a bit more cleaned up I am Femme.

I am Femme each time a piece of leather hugs my skin and I am Femme when applying my falsies and I am Femme when my thick cock is bursting from my hips and wiggles as I walk to my bed.


Femme, not tied to anything but me Snow... Who happens to be Queer and who came to her Femme via Queer experiences and Queer models I looked up to. I knew I was born Female yet I knew I wasn't *straight* (and what I guess I should say is heteronormative) that's why *I* feel that Femme is Queer because I know of no other woman who gets it when I say

"I'm Femme"

As a Femme I embrace all other Femme's and do get upset and riled up when a *straight* (hetero) woman is used as a Femme icon that I as a Femme should up hold.


I can't, she's not Queer, gay, lesbian, trans, bi she is a woman who's life is so different from mine and always will be our small similarities as women born into female bodies ties us via the ism highway.


I have that same bond with butches, but that doesn't make me butch.

[Medusa]

Ouch.

I just read Keri's post.

That one stings.

I don't think Femme needs Butch to exist. I think I'm a Femme no matter who I fuck.

And I think that Femmes who fuck Transmen and other Femmes are still Femmes.

And I think that Femmes who don't want to fuck anyone are Femmes.

I don't think gender is defined by orgasm.

[Nat]

If June Cleaver defined femme for me, I wouldn't consider myself a femme.

[Julie]

This almost reminds me of a long ago post in which...
If you are in a sexual relationship with a Stone Butch - You are not a Lesbian!
If I don't eat Pussy - I am not a Lesbian. (sorry for being crass - but this is the statement that was presented).
If I don't fuck my partner - I am not a Lesbian.
Stone Femme's who do not touch are merely women who gain pleasure and are selfish!

Julie (Femme - Lesbian - Woman)