Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[Soft*Silver]

[QUOTE=key;70926]
Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

[key]

[quote=softness;70931]

Originally Posted by key

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

I did not interpret it that way. For instance, my dream lover is very self assured (sassy, confident, capable). This woman would most likely want to be with someone equally capable and confident, out there moving and shaking it up in the world. So, I guess in a way it would be fulfilling her needs for me to get more out there, beefing up my self confidence. But really, that is who I want be anyway. Like attracts like right?


I interpreted it to be more of a round about way to motive people to "be all they can be" rather than seeking others to bring these qualities out in them.

[Soft*Silver]

I think I get it. I like the idea of working on yourself to actualize your potential. Its good to do that BEFORE you enter into a dating situation.

I have actually dated a few people based on their potentials and I can promise you, if they havent gotten there on their own, they surely dont have reason to once they got what they want. I refuse to date "potentials" anymore. I date who and what they are at the present time...

I agree that likes attracts. So do opposites, tho. In my own way of thinking, water rises to its own level.

ahh..the beauty of cliches....they are almost as good as

[key]

I definitely prefer to cliches.

If you are willing, can you write more about dating, just dating and enjoying that process.

I am so ambitious, just in life in general, but it spills into my romantic life. I have difficulty not putting a purpose (a label, a goal) to the process. Would like to learn more....if you would care to share.

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by key

I definitely prefer to cliches.

If you are willing, can you write more about dating, just dating and enjoying that process.

I am so ambitious, just in life in general, but it spills into my romantic life. I have difficulty not putting a purpose (a label, a goal) to the process. Would like to learn more....if you would care to share.

I love to date. I am good at dating. I dont jump into a relationship just because someone opened the car door for on the date and then called me the next day. Those are NOT cues signifying an instant relationship!

Just because I find out someone likes to dunk their toast in their coffee and watches CSI and SVU religiously like I do, (I dont, these are just examples) doesnt mean they are partner material...

what they do mean...is that they are likely to offer pretty good dates.

Dates do not mean their shoes get slid under my bed. Dates dont even mean coming inside my house. And depending on how we met, dates might not even mean knowing where I live...

what a date would mean, is a step closer..to smell my fragrance..perhaps to even embrace it so that it might cling to you after I leave...

Dating isnt about how fast we can sum it all up. Just the opposite..it means slowing down the heat so it doesnt burn on the edges...so the middle is cooked thoroughly...and the syrups of the fruit come out hot and steaming when it is time for pie...

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by softness

I love to date. I am good at dating. I dont jump into a relationship just because someone opened the car door for on the date and then called me the next day. Those are NOT cues signifying an instant relationship!

Just because I find out someone likes to dunk their toast in their coffee and watches CSI and SVU religiously like I do, (I dont, these are just examples) doesnt mean they are partner material...

what they do mean...is that they are likely to offer pretty good dates.

Dates do not mean their shoes get slid under my bed. Dates dont even mean coming inside my house. And depending on how we met, dates might not even mean knowing where I live...

what a date would mean, is a step closer..to smell my fragrance..perhaps to even embrace it so that it might cling to you after I leave...

Dating isnt about how fast we can sum it all up. Just the opposite..it means slowing down the heat so it doesnt burn on the edges...so the middle is cooked thoroughly...and the syrups of the fruit come out hot and steaming when it is time for pie...

Amen to this statement...so many are in such a rush im not shure is they know how to just take it step at the time.I told a date once I wanted to take it one date at the time ,injoy the moment,smell the flowers ect...She thought I was plane nuts.

[key]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Amen to this statement...so many are in such a rush im not shure is they know how to just take it step at the time.I told a date once I wanted to take it one date at the time ,injoy the moment,smell the flowers ect...She thought I was plane nuts.

Wow, that is really hard for me. It just is. Not that I am trying to jump into bed with the next woman I meet. But if I am really into someone I get really excited and want to explore, more, asap. (no not sexually, mostly I mean emotionally actually). I know this can (and often does) crush any tender little relationship sprouts that might be germinating without me even noticing them.


I know I need help in this department. I don't want to crush relationship sprouts....

I guess that is why I am attracted to such sassy, self-satisfied women. It really is something I aspire to. And the funny thing is, when I am alone (as I have been for a long time now) I am very self satisfied, loving my own life, doing my own thing. But if I meet someone I crush on I can just toss all that out the window.

[Sachita]

In an ideal world my partner would be my equal; intelligent, spiritual. mover-shaker, as you put it Key. In reading this all this somethings occurred to me.

I have lived a very full and interesting life. There are many aspects to my nature and although some have met the end of that journey, nonetheless they are still part of me. I am a strong alpha femme that also has a complete opposite. Over the years I have learned to find balance with everything I am.

One thing that has happened in my recent past relationships is that I completely closed parts of me because they couldnt deal with it or felt threatened by it. It use to really piss me off when my ex would make some shitty comment like "Stop trying to top me." every time I voiced an opinion. After a while you start putting up walls because you get so sick and fucking tired of being misunderstood.

I need to be able to put my cards on the table and not be judged but honored for all that I am. This is going to take a very confident, self assured and spiritual person. In their strength they also need to adore and worship me as the Goddess I feel I am. (ok no eyes rolling)

Only a strong and intelligent human can relinquish control and still be strong. They really don't give a shit what people think when it comes to how they love their SO.

damn I think I had a point - lol- I'm sick today, in bed, bored and my mind going a million miles. I think the bottom line for me is I want it all. Did I say that already? lol - even when I'm feeling kinky, no matter what it is, my partner doesnt go "wtf?" and start judging me. Instead they smile and ask "what can I do for you?" That same person wakes up, brings me coffee in bed and then go bites the world in the ass!

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by key

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

Originally Posted by softness

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

I am of the belief that we attract the kind of energy we are expressing.

At points in my life, I have been in dark/angry/sad or general crappy places and I attracted those kinds of people to me...of course at the time, I may have said "why do I attract all the crazies?" but really it was where I was in my mental/emotional space.

I have spent many years on a journey to figure myself out, my "stuff", understand it, process it...basically understand myself better and be able to own my shit. I'd like to be the best human I can and a good partner to another human. And it's a continuous journey...

Some years ago, my father suggested I make a list - describe the kind of person I would like have as a mate. I made a point to write the things I wanted, rather than those I didn't. It sounds very simple, but it was pretty profound when I finally did it. It actually helped me weed through all those who did not work for me...and I kept getting closer.

[Soft*Silver]

Sassy, just like your daddysuggested to you, I suggested to my daughter, that she make up a list of what she wanted in someone. She took it to heart and came up with a very serious checklist. She had on it, he had to open car doors and let her be seated at a restaurant before he sat down himself. She told me she wanted her men to treat her as well as she has seen my butches I dated, treat me.

Hats off to the ones she admired....and to all the good butches out there that are like that, too.

Sassy Leo, I like how you say that we attract the energy we are expressing. I do believe that I could hold that against any relationship I have had and it be true....

[Jet]

Dark hair

Blue eyes preferably

Smile is everything

No smoking

[Kobi]

I have been reading and rereading this thread for a while and its made me think a lot.

Attraction is such a subjective thing and I find it difficult to put into words something that, to me, is more instinctual then intellectual.

It seems I can make a list of what I like and dislike but we all use words differently i.e. "sassy" to me may not mean "sassy" to another.

I find with each relationship, be it a lover or a friend, we fine tune the things we like and dislike in general, the things we want and dont want in our lives, the qualities that are important and the ones we give leeway on.

It is easier to discern those things that are deal breakers more so then those things that work. And I say this because even if someone can meet a list of qualities or things I look for in a person, it doesnt means there is the type of chemistry that will lead to a relationship or friendship. In the same vein, I am pretty sure of the types of things that are immediate no-no's to either.

I do find that as I age, I am more self contained, self sufficient, and less prone to things and people who require too much of my time, energy, or attention. And I find, I like people who are similar.

[StrongButch]

I have to be attracted on all levels.

[bcelly1894]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

She had on it, he had to open car doors and let her be seated at a restaurant before he sat down himself. She told me she wanted her men to treat her as well as she has seen my butches I dated, treat me.

Hats off to the ones she admired....and to all the good butches out there that are like that, too.

Comments like these makes me love being a butch.

[bcelly1894]

I just love the long, dark, preferably curly or wavy hair of a femme.

Seeing a femme's long, dark hair, Reminds me of a beautiful waterfall and waves in the ocean, and beautiful fluffy waves of clouds in the sky.

Just watching a femme brush her long hair mesmerizes me for a moment.
I actually enjoy when a femme fusses over her long hair, saying at times that it has a mind all its own.

I enjoy watching the way that the weather affects a femme's long hair.
How the femme's long hair flows and moves in the wind.
The rawness of a femme's long hair when I get the pleasure
of feeling her hair between my fingers,
when her hair is wet from a shower, or the rain.
How extra soft the femme's long hair feels within my finger's touch,
As the waves or curls makes different patterns,
glistening and sticking together because of the sweat from her skin.
This is usually the time when she is fussing that her hair is a mess.
But not to me.
I love all of the complexities as well as the simplicities of a femme's long hair.

I crave the sweaty wet feel of a femme's long hair on my face and on my body while we make love.
And how her hair makes different patterns that I can feel and see when I brush the sweaty hair from her face.
And I can even smell the scent of me in the femme's long beautiful hair,
from her making love to me.
I Enjoy the femme's natural body smell thru the locks of her long hair,
All mingled with the scents of her perfume or the shampoo,
or the hair beautifiers that she has put in her hair that day.

I love the fascinating way the femme's hair seems to change,
in thickness, body and shine,
When she gets her period or when she is pregnant.
I feel like a baby being cradled when I have my face in the femme's beautiful long hair-
Whenever I hold her in my arms.
My face surrounded by the comfort, softness and aroma,
of the femme's beautiful long hair.

But nothing beats the security that the femme feels,
while I'm holding her in my arms,
while we snuggle on the coach or in the bed.
Sometimes, I like to think that a big part of that femme's heartfelt love,
comes thru some kind of energy in her hair,
which is resting on my chest, my shoulder or under my chin.

[thedivahrrrself]

For me, the #1 thing is mental attraction. Someone who can really stimulate my mind will peak my curiosity regardless of how they look.

Physically, I tend to like Butch, and that's usually what I attract. I think regardless of how your partner sees herself, you see her masculine qualities as a turn on. I think those qualities would be present regardless of how she looks. Not all butches "look Butch", but there are certain traits that trigger us to respond to those we consider masculine. They are not always physical traits.

[Nomad]

yesterday someone said to me, "oh [Nomad]! you're not a stone femme. why would you call yourself that? it's totally homosexist"

homosexist?

'm glad that i'm not in a dating situation with that person because a lot of things attract me but one of the things that would kill every level of attraction for me is someone telling me how i feel, what i think, or how i ID. it wouldnt matter who you were, i'd no longer be attracted in any way. it takes a lot for me to relax and be myself these days. hanging out with someone who denies my identity would make it impossible.