New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Yes, my answer varied a bit from the original question. I was thinking of all the different things mentioned as I was responding. The thread in general has taken a few twists and turns, which is good, I think. I did not mean to veer too far off the original topic, however. My apologies.

[Martina]

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

[JustBeingMe]

I am a butch and when I am in a serious enough relationship with a femme and we're going to enter into the realm of having a sexual encounter in this relationship, I don't bring old toys with me, I have left my old toys with my ex's because it was toys we used on my ex. I prefer to purchase new toys that my new partner and I pick out for her. It's not about anything but being respectful to the person I am going to be intimate with. This is something I choose to do. And you may agree or disagree, but it's my decision to not bring the old into a new relationship.
I highly reccommend using condoms as well, because if you share your toys with one another in usage, it prevents HPV possibly being passed to your partner that can cause issues for her. It's just a safety thing for me.
Anyway, if my partner already has some particular toys she wishes to use, I will discuss with her how they were cleaned, etc and then together make a comfortable decision with both parties involved about the usage of said toys in our relationship. I know toys are expensive at times depending on what you purchase, etc. But safety for me is a huge factor, and so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

Again, I don't get this and feel it is judgmental. Why bring this in at all in this context?

[kittygrrl]

I am really enjoying the commentary in this thread. I don't agree with all of it but it has certainly given me a chance to re-examine my own perspective. This is just how i see it- but to me a cock isn't a toy. I realize not everyone is going to agree with that and think i am rilly lala. And while it's true I can't get into a butch's head about how he thinks & uses his body and/or extensions what it means to me is tied very securely to the psyhic sync I have with him and some kind of deep primal need I've yet to decipher. So when it comes to what he uses as his cock it's not considered by me a toy in any way..although I totally respect everyone does not see it like that. I don't use gloves because I've never fluid bonded with many. For me the idea is a total turn off on many levels. I understand this probably makes me look irresponsible to those here, you're probably right. If you are dating & having sex with someone you haven't known for a long while you can't be too careful when I was younger sex wasn't this complicated.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I am really enjoying the commentary in this thread. I don't agree with all of it but it has certainly given me a chance to re-examine my own perspective. This is just how i see it- but to me a cock isn't a toy. I realize not everyone is going to agree with that and think i am rilly lala. And while it's true I can't get into a butch's head about how he thinks & uses his body and/or extensions what it means to me is tied very securely to the psyhic sync I have with him and some kind of deep primal need I've yet to decipher. So when it comes to what he uses as his cock it's not considered by me a toy in any way..although I totally respect everyone does not see it like that. I don't use gloves because I've never fluid bonded with many. For me the idea is a total turn off on many levels. I understand this probably makes me look irresponsible to those here, you're probably right. If you are dating & having sex with someone you haven't known for a long while you can't be too careful when I was younger sex wasn't this complicated.

Did you know that every pronoun you used for a butch is clearly without a doubt a male pronoun?......HE......I hope you do not believe butch=he.

I'm curious what the turn off is about gloves? I used them for anal sex long before HIV came into existence..... It was easy just to add vaginal penetration with gloves. What I highlighted in red is confusing to me. Can you explain it?

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Did you know that every pronoun you used for a butch is clearly without a doubt a male pronoun?......HE......I hope you do not believe butch=he.

I'm curious what the turn off is about gloves? I used them for anal sex long before HIV came into existence..... It was easy just to add vaginal penetration with gloves. What I highlighted in red is confusing to me. Can you explain it?

Contrary to the opinions had by some who think they know me i ' havent had numerous encounters. I had one lover that lied to me about her casual encounters with men and as a result had to endure 2 hiv tests scared and completely convinced i had contracted hiv. From that point on I made it a priority that before & until I got to know someone well I wasn't going to put myself in that position again, hence by the time we are involved we've both been tested and i feel safer. Gloves, it's just a personal thing, it's a turn-off..i've no problem with saran wrap.
Regarding he/hi/hym/her/hir. I have a tendency to use whatever term appeals to the person i am with..it's automatic..her is also totally fine but i haven't been with anyone in many years who hasn't expressed issues with her. No disrespect intended I am comfortable with both him/her etc. Just a habit of late, real time it's usually easy to pick up but this is a forum so tend to project from my current experience.

[JustBeingMe]

Originally Posted by Martina

Again, I don't get this and feel it is judgmental. Why bring this in at all in this context?

I am not being judgemental about anything. It's a new fresh relationship so why not use brand new toys is what I think about. It's about respecting my partner enough to not share old toys with her, even if I used a condom on them. I want brand new ones period. As for her own personal toys, that she already has, we will have a discussion on that issue and things.
Why can't you understand what I am sayin. It's written in plain English.
What is it that you don't get in your head


ETA: In fact, I in my past relationships, a few of them, the femme always requested a new toy and for us to go shopping for it?
this is something we talk about together.

[bright_arrow]

As far as new toys in reference to hygiene reasons, I have only been with three partners who used toys. Two of the partners had brand new toys, just by chance, I was not involved.. another partner was very against fluids, so there was safe sex involved and it only happened a handful of times so we were not together long enough to even have that conversation. It was a part of him, as opposed to being a "toy", so that would of been a big factor.

I talked this over with the wife, and she said she would get new toys as a show of respect. I never had to think about it before, so I can not say for 100% what my view on it would be. I think ideally I would want new toys for a hygiene/old memories reason, but would be realistic about it and realize sometimes that is just not possible - and go from there.

Someone mentioned buying a new bed.. The wife actually bought us a new bed frame once we got serious [as in coupled for two years, together every weekend, now moving in together], we got new bedding somewhere in that time frame [it was faded, change of color scheme was desired], and we just got a new mattress [old mattress be old and worn out!]

She says she got the new frame because she wanted to make new memories.. The frame had prior owners and she wanted it to be OURS.



So, we say sex toys in our case are purchased for memories/pleasure reasons as opposed to health reasons, and have been since day one. We are, what's the term, fluid bonded? Condoms are the best thing next to microwave popcorn, so those are always used too! Don't realize how important those are until you roll over in a big wet puddle on the bed from over-application of lube.. and honestly [TMI ALERT] I don't know about y'all but I HATE lube trickling down my ass.. It takes like 100 paper towels to get it all off!

Is it just me who gets a bit of a thrill from that puddle of girl juice and lube then?

Ok, so the antonym for respect is disrespect. By making buying new toys or even a chap's very own willy for each sexual partner about respect you are inferring that other folks who don't do that are disrespectful. That's what makes it judgemental.

Hope that clarifies

[Martina]

I get that cleanliness and safety are indices of self-respect and respecting others.

I don't get the rest of it. What does owning a new anything or a "just ours" anything have to do with respect? And, if one doesn't do that, is one disrespecting oneself and others?

It sounds puritanical to me. If something is clean, it is clean. But people are attaching meaning to the fact that an item has been used by or touched another person. OK. People do that sort of thing. But that has nothing to do with "respect" by any definition. It is not respect or disrespect to choose any of the options discussed in this thread. It is personal preference.

To me this kind of comment seems to invoke some standard of purity that we have inherited from a patriarchal ideology. Why must the stuff be new? Is the idea that fucking is somehow polluting and that the things we fuck with have been contaminated and could pollute others?

Really, if there is no health risk to the new partner, how is buying new a sign of respect? It might be a sign that you are willing to spend money on her, which could mean that you value her. I wouldn't call that respect, but it does indicate regard. But you could buy anything to show that, and it's not anything you are buying.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Is it just me who gets a bit of a thrill from that puddle of girl juice and lube then?

Ok, so the antonym for respect is disrespect. By making buying new toys or even a chap's very own willy for each sexual partner about respect you are inferring that other folks who don't do that are disrespectful. That's what makes it judgemental.

Hope that clarifies

I think this is semantics to a point...

How does someone define what is respect? *humming Aretha now

To say that for me it's a matter of respect is my personal definition. I don't throw it on anyone else unless we are swapping fluids - then it becomes personal.

If others do not define it as imperative/a matter of respect, then it's not. If others define respect differently and set their own parameters for what encompasses safe sex, then that's okay to me, at least.

I started this thread because I was curious what others do, how they feel, and perceive this concept. It has been interesting to see what people have posted.

*P.S. No, it's not just you ....

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Martina

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

I'm a germaphobe (from the Urban Dictionary: Germaphobe - 1) Someone who has a genuine phobia of germs and is obsessed with cleanliness)