Marriage Titles

TheUltimateButch · 04-06-2013, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverick

I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject.

Thanks,
Maverick

Been married a year and still trying to figure it out! Thanks for sharing. Glad not to be the only one trying to figure this out!

jac · 04-07-2013, 07:56 AM

We will also be exchanging vows and becoming legally married thanks to the new law passed in last election and then we will be called _____ ummmm not sure yet what the titles will be.

As for right now I was calling her my girlfriend but since the time I asked her to marry me I have been referring to her as my fiancée. I love the ring that has and it helps folks adjust to the idea that we will be getting married in our future.

I don't foresee having issue with calling her my wife but as for how I am to be referred, well, let's just say that I am not keen on using the typical hetero terminology. I am also not into the whole husbutch thing either. I know for a fact I would never use that term out in my everyday public life. Spouse is okay, but it too is really not doing it for me.

When I became a grandparent, I refused to have the "grnadma, granny, grammy" sort of names. I researched ways to address a grandmother in other languages. I am of Spanish and Yiddish descent. Most of my family uses the Spanish terminologies so I figured why not try the Yiddish... and that's how I came up with the title of Boobeh.

I'm pretty sure I will do the same for this. Much to consider but plenty of time to do so.

Bevidotcom · 05-20-2013, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheUltimateButch

Been married a year and still trying to figure it out! Thanks for sharing. Glad not to be the only one trying to figure this out!

Since you are a veterinarian...how about Doctor & Mrs. ________!!

psykftm · 05-24-2013, 11:09 AM

I'm so happy this thread is here, just thought about this yesterday. My gf are struggling a bit right now anyway, but I had thought about what would happen if everything worked out enough for us to want to get married in the future. We are both butch...I think she would be fine with wife if only I would be. I would prefer husband, but I'm sure my gf would not. We both hate that "who wears the pants" question, we always answer we're equals, so it would have to be an equal reference too.

Gonna have to follow this thread for sure

TheUltimateButch · 05-24-2013, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bevidotcom

Since you are a veterinarian...how about Doctor & Mrs. ________!!

I am down with that and we are addressed that way. My problem is more about how she refers to me. Neither one of us are going to refer to me as her wife( dying just thinking about it). I am not her husband , just trying to find something that comes easily to both of us. Are you married? What do you refer to one another as?

pinkajl · 06-23-2013, 07:34 PM

Chiming in late to this thread. We love "husbutch", as we both think it captures the essence perfectly. I actually used it with a bunch of straight friends recently and it got an overwhelmingly positive response.

cinnamongrrl · 06-23-2013, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkajl

Chiming in late to this thread. We love "husbutch", as we both think it captures the essence perfectly. I actually used it with a bunch of straight friends recently and it got an overwhelmingly positive response.

I heard a similar term that I love...."husbian" I give marks for creativity

imperfect_cupcake · 06-24-2013, 01:41 AM

my ex-wife is butch. She was into butch-femme and was absolutely fine with it. I wouldn't have called her "my Mrs." though. Wife, to me, is not feminine. it's just female. She saw it the same way. But neither of us bought into hetero ideas of marriage either so we were fine.

I personally loved look across the room, grinning and say "oh the loud shouty laughing dyke? Yeah. that's my wife." I loved saying "that's my wife." thrilled me too bits. saying "that's my spouse" wouldn't really have the same... impact. for me. But I know if one is transqueer in terms of sex (not female) then I can see it not fitting. absolutely.

I wouldn't be able to call someone husbutch. It makes me cringe a bit. It just doesn't sound right to my ears, it sounds clunky and awkward. I'm sure to some couples it's great, but to me it's like writing "wimmyn" - constructed and uncomfortable. I'm just not one for it. But then I don't say "oh my femme friends..." or "see that butch over there?"

I think I just spent a long time in London where although people ID, it's just not called up much. It just kind of is. So all the qualifiers seems really... over used? to my ear. it's sounds like putting "gay" in front of everything. I'm taking my gay partner to see my gay friends and we're going to to a gay BBQ to eat some gay meat.

I prefer saying "me and the awesome fuck puppet are headed out with some mates to shove some nutrients in our talky holes. You in?" people know who I am and my friends genders and sexuality is irrelevant. No one's gender or sexuality is needed in that sentence.

But I know lots of people might find that verbiage awkward. Viva la difference...

DapperButch · 06-24-2013, 05:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I wouldn't be able to call someone husbutch. It makes me cringe a bit. It just doesn't sound right to my ears, it sounds clunky and awkward. I'm sure to some couples it's great, but to me it's like writing "wimmyn" - constructed and uncomfortable. I'm just not one for it. But then I don't say "oh my femme friends..." or "see that butch over there?"

Husbutch is very old school. It made me smile when I saw it because I haven't heard it in a while. Like you, though, it has always sounded clunky, just like wimmin has felt awkward. Perfecta adjectives for my experience, as well.

You helped me see wife in a different way...I did always think of it as "woman", rather than "female". Useful. Thanks!

06-24-2013, 01:41 AM	#8
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,710 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	my ex-wife is butch. She was into butch-femme and was absolutely fine with it. I wouldn't have called her "my Mrs." though. Wife, to me, is not feminine. it's just female. She saw it the same way. But neither of us bought into hetero ideas of marriage either so we were fine. I personally loved look across the room, grinning and say "oh the loud shouty laughing dyke? Yeah. that's my wife." I loved saying "that's my wife." thrilled me too bits. saying "that's my spouse" wouldn't really have the same... impact. for me. But I know if one is transqueer in terms of sex (not female) then I can see it not fitting. absolutely. I wouldn't be able to call someone husbutch. It makes me cringe a bit. It just doesn't sound right to my ears, it sounds clunky and awkward. I'm sure to some couples it's great, but to me it's like writing "wimmyn" - constructed and uncomfortable. I'm just not one for it. But then I don't say "oh my femme friends..." or "see that butch over there?" I think I just spent a long time in London where although people ID, it's just not called up much. It just kind of is. So all the qualifiers seems really... over used? to my ear. it's sounds like putting "gay" in front of everything. I'm taking my gay partner to see my gay friends and we're going to to a gay BBQ to eat some gay meat. I prefer saying "me and the awesome fuck puppet are headed out with some mates to shove some nutrients in our talky holes. You in?" people know who I am and my friends genders and sexuality is irrelevant. No one's gender or sexuality is needed in that sentence. But I know lots of people might find that verbiage awkward. Viva la difference... Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 06-24-2013 at 01:43 AM.

04-07-2013, 07:56 AM	#2
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	We will also be exchanging vows and becoming legally married thanks to the new law passed in last election and then we will be called _____ ummmm not sure yet what the titles will be. As for right now I was calling her my girlfriend but since the time I asked her to marry me I have been referring to her as my fiancée. I love the ring that has and it helps folks adjust to the idea that we will be getting married in our future. I don't foresee having issue with calling her my wife but as for how I am to be referred, well, let's just say that I am not keen on using the typical hetero terminology. I am also not into the whole husbutch thing either. I know for a fact I would never use that term out in my everyday public life. Spouse is okay, but it too is really not doing it for me. When I became a grandparent, I refused to have the "grnadma, granny, grammy" sort of names. I researched ways to address a grandmother in other languages. I am of Spanish and Yiddish descent. Most of my family uses the Spanish terminologies so I figured why not try the Yiddish... and that's how I came up with the title of Boobeh. I'm pretty sure I will do the same for this. Much to consider but plenty of time to do so.

05-24-2013, 11:09 AM	#4
psykftm Junior Member How Do You Identify?: FtM Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: single, healing Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: palm bay, fl Posts: 41 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 145 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1779618	I'm so happy this thread is here, just thought about this yesterday. My gf are struggling a bit right now anyway, but I had thought about what would happen if everything worked out enough for us to want to get married in the future. We are both butch...I think she would be fine with wife if only I would be. I would prefer husband, but I'm sure my gf would not. We both hate that "who wears the pants" question, we always answer we're equals, so it would have to be an equal reference too. Gonna have to follow this thread for sure

06-23-2013, 07:34 PM	#6
pinkajl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Relationship Status: Happily Unavailable Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Maryland Posts: 41 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12 Thanked 116 Times in 30 Posts Rep Power: 282674	Chiming in late to this thread. We love "husbutch", as we both think it captures the essence perfectly. I actually used it with a bunch of straight friends recently and it got an overwhelmingly positive response.