Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by deb_U_taunt

I am loving this mastectomy cover up!

Wow. That looks great!

Sparkle, glad to hear your friend is improving. Yes, it is a lot of work for the carers. Thanks for updating us!

[Genesis]

Hello Everyone... I hope and pray everyone is doing well... It has been so long since I posted on here. The last few weeks have been nothing short of a long and twisted roaller coaster ride with loops, backturns and topsy turvy curves. I am very happy to share that my Mom finally got her surgery and she is slowly and steadily recuperating well. It was a tough battle, so much fighting and maintaing and keeping hope alive without wanting to pull my hair out more than I care to share. My positive energy, love and prayers to each of you who is going through this journey and those of us who are coming along with them. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. While we got breathe and life, let's make these moments amazing...

[hagster]

My mom is dying. Regardless of the positives we recognize on a daily basis, regardless of the positives we invent and find relief in, regardless of the denial I'm constantly battered with, she's dying. In front of my eyes.

I feel guilty for recognizing this, for knowing it as fact, when I'm told over and over again to think positively, that miracles happen. Fuck miracles. I need someone here to be my partner in reality. Reality is a lonely business.

I left my home and moved to this emotionally repressed and depressed environment to be here for my family, to help in any way I could, to add stability to an unstable situation. I moved here out of love and the fear of regret. Unfortunately, I don't speak the same language they do; we don't share the same needs. The staunch, cold demeanor that says if we don't talk about something then it's not real is damaging to me. I need to cry, to let someone know I do feel. I need to talk practicalities while we still can. I need a hug most of all. My family and I are strangers to one another.

I knew this would be hard. The reality is beyond language capabilities. I did get hospice set up and they are fantastic. My job, as it's turned out, has been as taxi service (no one here drives), to listen but not be heard and financier of things I can no longer afford. My schedule has been such that job searching is severely limited. The money stress combined with the emotional stress has been overwhelming and I have to go back home. It seems I can do more long distance than I can right here and that breaks my heart. I love my mom, I'm thankful for what my sister's continuing to do, but for my own survival, I have to go back to my friends and the family I've built with them. I'm unable to be supportive in this situation without my own support.

Everyone who's been through this knows there is more between the lines. Anyone with less-than-ideal family dynamics knows it even more. I try to be strong every day when I start out; I try to find the necessary energies to deal with the different personalities; I try to function without the sleep that's eluded me for weeks now. I have nothing more to give to this vaccuum.

The guilt is immeasurable, the reality unbearable. I'll come back for the end, which could be a couple weeks, it could be a couple months. I don't know what's right anymore. I know, however, that if I stay through this I will not survive. Dramatic? Yes, but this is reality. My mom is dying and I have to say this goodbye before our final goodbye.

[Lady Pamela]

May I first say, my heart goes out to each and every one of you having to endure any form or stage of cancer.

And truely amazed at such loving and caring support and caregivers and all you do.

I basically am just venting tonight because though I am a posotive person, My heart is heavy tonight.This month has been very tough.

I have been dealing with check ups to follow nodules in my lungs and will be doing another soon. If there is growth then I will have a biopsy on them.
I seriously thought this was hard to deal with. But yesterday I was reminded that my strength is needed elsewhere.

My daughter went in for a check up and ended up having 4 biopsies done and a scraping from her cervix. She is 25 years old. And the doctor said it didn't look good.We will find out results within 7 days.
They also found a lump in her breast that they will be watching as well.

If she ends up having cancer, this will make 2 daughters that have had cancer. My other daughter had it at 14. But survived and is doing well.

Having heard and been there through this painful test. It truely put an end to any small pitty party I may have been having. But still have fear.

My focus has turned to my daughters needs. Though I am doing all I can to keep myself up.

On top of all of this, my friend of 30 some odd years, I just heard today that we are waiting on her mothers test results as of today. They believe she has lukemia. Shes like an adopted mother to me. And I can't be there for her or my friend other than via phone.
Very hard .

Also a very close friend of the family is having cancer surgery tomorrow.

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Sorry, don't mean to be a cry baby. Truely I am a get it done type. Just at a low this night for a minute.

Keep up the posotive attitudes and again..Thanks so much for this thread. It helped me just to speak out.

Blessings to you all.


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[Genesis]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Lady Pamela this forum has become my support for going through the journey with my Mom. This is the place where we can say things like that... Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This journey is so hard for each person, the loved one or loved ones with cancer and the care taker(s) who go together on the journey together. Each person on this thread has been a column on which I had to lean on with their words and their own journeys and emotional reactions. Whether positive or negative they are appreicated and learned from. Please know my love, prayers and positive energy are going out to you, your daughter and friend. If you wish to speak more feel free to PM me. If I have no words at least know you got an ear and a shoulder if needed.
We are strong even in our most vulnerable moments....

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Genesis

Lady Pamela this forum has become my support for going through the journey with my Mom. This is the place where we can say things like that... Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This journey is so hard for each person, the loved one or loved ones with cancer and the care taker(s) who go together on the journey together. Each person on this thread has been a column on which I had to lean on with their words and their own journeys and emotional reactions. Whether positive or negative they are appreicated and learned from. Please know my love, prayers and positive energy are going out to you, your daughter and friend. If you wish to speak more feel free to PM me. If I have no words at least know you got an ear and a shoulder if needed.
We are strong even in our most vulnerable moments....

Just wanted to thank you very muh for such kind words.
And this waiting is killing me..So I may end up taking you up on the offer.
Thanks again for your sweet spirit and may blessings and strength be with you and yours also.
Namast'e

[DapperButch]

Lady Pamela,

I am sorry to hear that you have all of this going on. I hope that everything is ok for your daughter and your friend's mother. Also, being sad and afraid for yourself is not a pity party...it is human!

Hang in there.

[mustangjeano]

Please don't hesitate to share and/or vent here Lady Pamela--that is what we love about this thread. You have an enormous load to carry right now and your are doing a great job managing it with strength and positive energy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

May I first say, my heart goes out to each and every one of you having to endure any form or stage of cancer.

And truely amazed at such loving and caring support and caregivers and all you do.

I basically am just venting tonight because though I am a posotive person, My heart is heavy tonight.This month has been very tough.

I have been dealing with check ups to follow nodules in my lungs and will be doing another soon. If there is growth then I will have a biopsy on them.
I seriously thought this was hard to deal with. But yesterday I was reminded that my strength is needed elsewhere.

My daughter went in for a check up and ended up having 4 biopsies done and a scraping from her cervix. She is 25 years old. And the doctor said it didn't look good.We will find out results within 7 days.
They also found a lump in her breast that they will be watching as well.

If she ends up having cancer, this will make 2 daughters that have had cancer. My other daughter had it at 14. But survived and is doing well.

Having heard and been there through this painful test. It truely put an end to any small pitty party I may have been having. But still have fear.

My focus has turned to my daughters needs. Though I am doing all I can to keep myself up.

On top of all of this, my friend of 30 some odd years, I just heard today that we are waiting on her mothers test results as of today. They believe she has lukemia. Shes like an adopted mother to me. And I can't be there for her or my friend other than via phone.
Very hard .

Also a very close friend of the family is having cancer surgery tomorrow.

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Sorry, don't mean to be a cry baby. Truely I am a get it done type. Just at a low this night for a minute.

Keep up the posotive attitudes and again..Thanks so much for this thread. It helped me just to speak out.

Blessings to you all.


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[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

Please don't hesitate to share and/or vent here Lady Pamela--that is what we love about this thread. You have an enormous load to carry right now and your are doing a great job managing it with strength and positive energy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

I wanted to say thank you so much for the support you and others have shown me.
Wishing you all the best of blessings and strength as well.
And extend my ear as well if anyone should need to vent.

Thanks again!

Namast'e



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[Lady Pamela]

Ok, where to start...
This week waiting for my daughters results has been extremely nerve racking.
I am a posotive person and one who looks for the good in everything usually.
I am also one who finds a way to rise above it all in most situations.
And have done my best to do so and help my daughter Reah to do so as well.

Tomorrow we should get her test results back unless they needed further testing on them.
I must say, the closer I get to tomorrow, the more scared I am becoming.

Yes I know we will get through it. And yes I know that either way we will have the answer. But I have to work and may have to call off for a couple hours to make sure I am there for her.
And honestly..I am scared to death.. If she has it, this will be my second child who has had it.

Anyways..releasing the fear now and trying to look at one moment at a time till we get it.

Blessings to you all. And may the strength and guidance you need be with you.

Namast'e


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