Long Distance Relationships

[JustBeingMe]

LDR? No thank you. I prefer to have met someone in my own backyard so to speak. This way it's less expensive to see them, you can see one another more often, have a relationship first hand and not long distance, get to know one another more in person instead of waiting and waiting to go see them. I"ve had a few LDR's in my past, didn't work out for whatever the reasons are. I am a hands on person when it comes to touch and love. I have a physical and emotional desire to be with the person I have fallen in love with.
I will never uproot my life and move away, again, from my family and friends.
To each their own with LDR's and I hope those that are able to be involved in them are happy and completely satisfied. Just not my thing.

[tndoc]

It really is to each is own.
I have seen them work, with alot of trust and understanding.
And sometimes they end in disaster.

i'd be willing to try, but again. to find the right one to have a sound foundation of friendship, trust and loyalty to one another.

i will enjoy reading every one elses responses.

[RockOn]

I did one LDR. That was enough. I will never ever do another one. Just not for me for many reasons.

LDRs have worked great for lots of people. I am happy for them.

Also, I love to see couples who really are in love stick together and work things out when bumpy roads are encountered.

*smiling and waving at all you happy couples who met through a LDR*

[Soft*Silver]

I think it depends on the two people and the circumstances around them.

I also think it depends on your stability, and ability to be patient.

The biggest mistake I have made, and watched others make, was to jump into relationships too quickly online, and move to the other person because of how intense and deep it felt while we spent some moments together when we did meet.

There is a honeymoon stage couples go thru. Then reality stage. Then, the commitment stage should happen. In LDs, I have not given the reality stage long enough.

And, giving up our roots is a big deal too. I left good jobs, wonderful housing, precious things, to be with people I thought were going to be my Forever Butch. I regret doing that. And at my age, I will not do that again. I put my foot down and said, "never again" and I mean it. So much so, that I have left one LDR, and refused to start another one, both with people I dearly loved, because I would not and they would not, relocate.

Do I think they can work? Absolutely. But the term needs to be Long Distance Long Term Relationship. They need time. Lots of time. More so than local relationships, in my opinion...

[Heavenleahangel]

In my experience, LDR's can work if one of two things are in play. 1) Both parties are content with only seeing each other when it can be worked out or 2) Both parties go into the "getting to know each other" stage understanding someone will be relocating.
Of course it takes someone with morals in everything as honesty is an utmost essential. If two people are within reasonable distance then surprise visits and getting to see someone when they are not on their best behavior or their house isn't immaculate is ideal. You get to see the good and unfortunately, the not so good side of a person. But when the distance is far or one of the parties can't travel/visit, then that makes it harder to truly get to see the other party for who/what they are.
It can work and I have seen it work. A LDR can last just as a traditional relationship can. But being honest and dedication are key.

[Koffeelvr]

Originally Posted by tndoc

It really is to each is own.
I have seen them work, with alot of trust and understanding.
And sometimes they end in disaster.

i'd be willing to try, but again. to find the right one to have a sound foundation of friendship, trust and loyalty to one another.

i will enjoy reading every one elses responses.

Well put tndoc. I feel the same way.

[Metro]

Have been pondering this subject in the last year or so and have modified my personal view (as it applies to me) – to a degree. Traveling up to 4 hours would be doable. Friendships aside, any more than 1/2 day drive and I would find it difficult to get and remain connected on an intimate level. Phone/email/Skype just doesn't replace the in-person cues that help me know a partner and become known.

[BestButchBoy]

The only way to get to know someone is spend time with them in real time in real life. If you cannot afford to see one another on a regular and continual basis, OR, if neither of you can or will move to a location where you can actually spend time together to get to know one another; YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. These are facts. Indisputable. Facts.

[Miss Scarlett]

There are 3 "T"s and 1 "C" and 1 "R" important to every relationship whether they are LDR or not...

TIME - rushing things is seldom a good idea and rarely, if ever, does it set a firm cornerstone. You absolutely must take the time to get to know each other...life isn't like the movies.

TRUTH - always be truthful. Never tell someone what they want to hear or what you think they want to hear. When there is distance between you it's easy to fall into this. And so easy to believe you can say one thing while doing the opposite...after all, who's going to know? (BTW, this isn't unique to LDRs either...I actually had this happen to me about a bazillion years ago while the person was living under my roof!)

TRUST - You have to be able to trust each other. Once trust is broken it's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to repair.

COMMUNICATION - a must in every relationship. In LDRs it is especially important because that's really the only time you have together when you are apart. I don't mean this has to be constant, it just has to be consistent. No matter how busy someone is it only takes a second to send a text or an email or even a quick phone call. Even sending a card via snail mail works.

RESPECT - respect each other, respect yourselves.

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by BestButchBoy

The only way to get to know someone is spend time with them in real time in real life. If you cannot afford to see one another on a regular and continual basis, OR, if neither of you can or will move to a location where you can actually spend time together to get to know one another; YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. These are facts. Indisputable. Facts.

My favorite post in this thread, and I heartily agree with BBB.

Cheers,

[Vincent]

Thats true,I actually met my ex in real life after 3 weeks,to see if it was really there,I paid for her to come here.

But I'm not looking for the white picket fence,not any more.

And Ive had to be honest about that for me,I love being alone,I dont get lonely,I would like to meet someone who feels the same,is happy in their life,but would like a bit of fun.

Ive also never gone from one partner to another,ive been single now for 5 yrs,I also always keep online platonic until we actually meet,so we can still be friends and enjoy the time together.

unfortunatly,I am in a very small drop in the community,so online is my only dating avenue,but I wont be dishonest in regards to what I can give.

Although this is life,I dont have a blueprint of outcomes.

[Blade]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

LDR? No thank you. I prefer to have met someone in my own backyard so to speak. This way it's less expensive to see them, you can see one another more often, have a relationship first hand and not long distance, get to know one another more in person instead of waiting and waiting to go see them. I"ve had a few LDR's in my past, didn't work out for whatever the reasons are. I am a hands on person when it comes to touch and love. I have a physical and emotional desire to be with the person I have fallen in love with.
I will never uproot my life and move away, again, from my family and friends.
To each their own with LDR's and I hope those that are able to be involved in them are happy and completely satisfied. Just not my thing.

Yeah this works for me.

[LaneyDoll]

I am in an LDR and I am really happy. We met via a mutual friend and we started with a solid rock foundation of friendship. He is in school and should graduate within a year. I have very deep roots in my community plus I have children and a support system. His roots are not located where he lives.

Obviously, if anyone moves, he will. But, right now is not the time. He needs a quiet place to study so he can graduate on time.

I think that part of our success is that we are both open with each other, we both take times for ourselves and we still give the other what we need to feel loved. We live 4.5 hours away so we try to see each other every month or so.

I also think that one of the main keys to what works for us is really knowing and supporting the other. He is an introvert. He likes his time to veg out in front of the TV or with a movie. He likes NOT having to be anywhere except home or work or school. And he supports that I am an extrovert. He knows I want to go off with friends, go to events, have fun and stay busy. He supports that. Every time I go out, he talks to me during the ride home to make sure I arrive safely then stays on the line while I get inside and get the door locked.

I honestly think that you get out of anything what you put into it. We both put a lot into our relationship and we get a lot back.

I do not have any friends here who know me in real life but if I did, they would chime in and tell you that what I have, is truly wonderful and that the happiness it brings is evident.

EDIT to add:
Our two year anniversary is approaching btw. The exact date however, depends on which of us you ask since we both view it differently based on the events that we feel mark it.