Adult Children Moving Home

[DapperButch]

Martina, thanks for this excellent, excellent post. I think that you really hit the nail on the head when you spoke to poor executive functioning:

Originally Posted by Martina

All this stuff can make it less likely for children to develop executive function skills -- self-discipline, organization, problem-solving, planning, emotional self-regulation, ability to learn from past mistakes, and flexibility (being less thrown and upset by change, in particular).

I think the above is really what we aren't seeing in our early 20 year olds. I know that for me the self discipline and learning from past mistakes (and a sense of consequences), is what has been most concerning about our son, D.

You really are spot on with the above Martina.

Kids don't have to fail anymore, we grab them before they fall. Every kid gets a trophy. We don't give our children the opportunity to learn consequences. Even if the parents do well at allowing the consequences to happen at home, schools and recreational activities pick up the ball and don't let kids fail. Hell, if they don't, the parents attack them about it!

So, as Martina said, they have to learn through BIG adult lessons instead of the small ones they would experience as a child. They fail out of college because their high school teacher (often at parent's urging), didn't give them that F in English class that they deserved.

It is sad to think that what we do in "love" and what we do thinking it will improve self confidence and self esteem, can actually cripple our children instead. I will have to find the article I read that spoke about this.

Great discussion folks.