what NOT to do in a relationship.......

[weatherboi]

don't involve somebody's work space!!!
don't threaten to call the parents and divulge shit that is none of their business!!!

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

fucking weeds do

Fucking needy-ass weeds.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Please if you whine or have a habit of whining disclose this to all parties so that the non whining party can tell you to bounce!

The only thing that is worse than whining is silent pouting. Pissed off at me? Be prepared to say so AND say why. If you can't/won't do that I will presume you are pissed about something REALLY stupid and I won't give a shit.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

oh.
never get jealous of the love a potential mate has for their fur babies.
you will lose.

Exactly. If you cannot accept how much mommy loves her Baby Smelly who is Orange (and when he's not Orange he's White) you're in for a world full of aggravation. Sulking when I dote all over my Baby Smelly will only make me dote all over Baby Smelly even more - my favourite person/pet in the room is always the one who is not sulking.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Who the hell has furniture that costs that much?

For fucking real.

Originally Posted by Oiler41

Or the reverse; don't invest large sums of money into a large asset that doesn't have your name on it.

I think that's sensible. If only one person has their name on the deed to the house, the person who doesn't have their name on it should NOT be paying 50% of the mortgage and house expenses and what they DO pay needs to be negotiated as rent and there should be receipts given for that each month.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

having an inoperative decoy remote is
BAD.
BAD.
BAD.

having an inoperative decoy remote is
BRILLIANT.
BRILLIANT.
BRILLIANT.

Originally Posted by desdansmoncoeur

- don't use sex as a bribe or punishment

On the flip side of that, I really cannot fuck someone who I am angry with. It feels dishonest.

EDITED to add: Do not call me at work. I am working.

[RockOn]

What not to do?

I will be careful not to be so trusting so fast and give 100% in the very beginning. I have only given 100% once in my entire life.

Once I fell in love way too quickly with a wonderful woman. I fell so fast and out of control. It was not her fault but entirely mine. That only happened one time in my almost 54 years. It won't happen again.

Today, I keep my heart very guarded and have no use for LDR/Online relationships except for platonic.

Happy Friday to all!
Brock

[NJFemmie]

No secrets. Being an open book goes a long way.

[imperfect_cupcake]

1) stop fussing over the other person and trying to do stuff for them all the time. it smothers them and it suffocates me. who am I, my mom??

2) leave wounded people to bleed somewhere else. I'd much rather have someone that doesn't want me to "heal" them from whatever it is they've gone through. you can get some therapy over there ----> and I'm not your mother. However, if someone is working on their sh*t, I'm more than happy to support them.

3) I am not ever going to be a femme in shining armour again. "you are perfectly wonderful you just need someone to love you enough and all your sh*tty behaviour and bitterness about others and cr@ppy outlook and insecurities will magicly go away!" jesus what an ego I had, I swear.

4) hide my issues. If I fuck up, don't lie about it and hide it.

5) don't let anyone else take over my issues. they are mine to deal with and if you want to help I'll tell you what I need from you... that said -

6) don't freak out when someone calls me on my shit. I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them.

7) someone who can't be called on *their* shit. That's fucking irritating. go away.

8) think that it's ok they aren't into the same stuff as me. it's totally not. I very much need a companion and best mate as a partner. so that means I need someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me doing things I find fun, important and fulfilling. Not everything but most things.

9) watch my tone of voice, young lady. I used to have a horrible "tone" even though I didn't mean it. I wasn't even aware I did it. I have successfully cracked that.

10) Don't try and have LTR with butches who don't switch. I have tried to fit into other people's sexualities but it's only possible when it's casual short term (<6 months).

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by betenoire

EDITED to add: Do not call me at work. I am working.

and do not second-guess me when i tell you i cannot do something because of a work conflict- including posting online, sending a fax for you, taking a day off, or returning your phone call. Even if "last time" i could, if i say "this time i can't," then i seriously can't!

i am the only one who knows for sure what will and will not be cool with the powers that be on any given day!

[Lynn]

While concern for my safety and wellbeing is great, don't patronize me and treat me like I'm incapable of taking care of myself. I assure you, I can and I will.

[Soon]

Expect a pattern of behaviour or a certain appearance based on previous lovers and/or what you think a woman or femme should be like.

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

6) don't freak out when someone calls me on my shit. I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them.

"can do in a way I can hear them" cannot be overstated! Constructive criticism and correction are always appreciated, but too often in my (officially and admittedly and notoriously f@cked up) past, these "opportunities for growth" have been appropriated by my partners as "opportunities for putting me in my place."

if you kindly suggest an alternative method of doing something in the future- that is wonderful...if you contemptuously sneer at my "fail," that is about your need to make me feel "less than"

[MrSunshine]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

Expect a pattern of behaviour or a certain appearance based on previous lovers and/or what you think a woman or femme should be like.

Yes, same can be said for butch/he/she/whatnot should be like. Individuality is hard for some to separate I suppose.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

Yes, same can be said for butch/he/she/whatnot should be like. Individuality is hard for some to separate I suppose.

yes, i was going to edit it to include the other way around too, but i got caught up in something.

it seems like people were posting from their *me* space so that is why i originally wrote what i did.

but i agree with you! some may wish to mash a new lover into an old or set mental framework (for either gender)--not cool.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Please disclose any kind of mental illness, sexual illness, ANY kind of illness early on in the relationship.

No surprise body take overs from your Russian Uncle making you speak tongues and all that or violent outbursts where I am having to dodge candles and the cookie jar cause you forgot to mention you had MPD.

[TenderKnight]

mmm.. Very good one.. I once had an ex that was skitzo-effective (spl).. I didn't know about it until she stopped taking her meds.. WOW.. When your partner seriously shushes you everytime you talk above a whisper *because the neighbors can hear*.. and you can't listen to the radio because of the microphones your boss installed.. Or talk at all when a plane is flying above and they are listening to us.. That is when you know it's getting pretty heavy..

Now, granted, I am still not sure if she *knew* she was that sick or not.. Her dad was sending her "allergy" meds for years until she started wondering why she was taking so many allergy meds.. *sighs*

Full disclouser is a GOOD thing, folks.. If I am going to be your partner, I deserve to know everything that is going on with you that would effect our lives together.

[Apocalipstic]

The first time they check your cell phone for texts and you they demand an explanation for all your contacts, they need to GO!

The first time they start nagging about how much caffeine free diet coke you drink or why you iron your jeans...buh bye!

If their Mom thinks its OK to call for no emergency at 5am. Ciao!

and yeah, if they are jealous of the DOG, what can I tell ya.....

Maybe sleeping with them and getting poisoned by the pussy on the first date is not such a good idea. Causes dain bramage. Then by the time you (meaning I) recover it is often too late.

[Soon]

"poisoned by the pussy!"

[Rockinonahigh]

After reading through all thats been posted,it seems I really dodged a huge pot hole by staying single all these years..holy gosh!!

[asphaltcowboi]

when having coffee and reading the paper if she says why arnt you LOOKING at me your not even hearing what i say..DO NOT REPLY try turning around.

[SuperFemme]

don't bother going past the hook up stage if you haven't mastered the art of communication.

[The_Lady_Snow]

If you try to go to the bathroom, work, or check the mail and this happens:

You may be in a bad relationship...

[SuperFemme]

if you ever walk in on THIS, leave.