Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

Martina · 12-14-2013, 04:18 PM

Yeah, I haven't posted because I haven't been with anybody who was a serial abuser.

I have been very lucky in my closest relationships. I was in a D/s relationship -- non-sexual -- years ago with someone I barely knew. I was physically assaulted, deprived of sleep and worked seven days a week. It goes on. I stayed for a few weeks after the assault because I did not want to fail. Strangely that experience left few scars. I think because it wasn't intimate emotionally or sexually. The person's therapist called me after I left -- I don't even know how she got my number -- and told me she was going to contact me to tell me to get out, but that I left before she could. She validated my experience, and that helped me let it go.

I had a friend type situation that involved threats of violence. This scared me more and left me with more anger. I think that was because we had been friends, although looking back on it, I see she wasn't really capable of that. Her own needs -- of various types -- were driving her so hard that everyone was just an object to her. Everything was about whether someone or some interaction could make her feel better for a second or not. Even angry ones, and she had a lot of those. I don't know. But I don't think of her as an abuser although narcissistic fits -- at least at that point in her life. She was mentally ill. Probably in the process of falling apart. I don't know. But she did me some genuine damage. Scared me. It took me two years to get past that in one way or another.

I have also done some shitty things to people. People who deserved understanding but I gave them judgement. I wish I had done better.

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12-14-2013, 04:18 PM	#30
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,283 Times in 4,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Yeah, I haven't posted because I haven't been with anybody who was a serial abuser. I have been very lucky in my closest relationships. I was in a D/s relationship -- non-sexual -- years ago with someone I barely knew. I was physically assaulted, deprived of sleep and worked seven days a week. It goes on. I stayed for a few weeks after the assault because I did not want to fail. Strangely that experience left few scars. I think because it wasn't intimate emotionally or sexually. The person's therapist called me after I left -- I don't even know how she got my number -- and told me she was going to contact me to tell me to get out, but that I left before she could. She validated my experience, and that helped me let it go. I had a friend type situation that involved threats of violence. This scared me more and left me with more anger. I think that was because we had been friends, although looking back on it, I see she wasn't really capable of that. Her own needs -- of various types -- were driving her so hard that everyone was just an object to her. Everything was about whether someone or some interaction could make her feel better for a second or not. Even angry ones, and she had a lot of those. I don't know. But I don't think of her as an abuser although narcissistic fits -- at least at that point in her life. She was mentally ill. Probably in the process of falling apart. I don't know. But she did me some genuine damage. Scared me. It took me two years to get past that in one way or another. I have also done some shitty things to people. People who deserved understanding but I gave them judgement. I wish I had done better.