Open Letter: Dear Femme

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

I think so.

I don't hear heterosexual women "rank" themselves. I never hear "oh, she's a high hetero, or ooo, look at that casual, low maintenance straight woman". I do see where judgment takes place - perhaps that's one and the same but in different clothing?

Soccer Mom
Country Club Woman
Trophy Wife
Saks Shopper
Wal-Mart People
School teacher
Librarian

I think these all have inherent "looks" and "rankings". When you see those words, do you get a mental image that you then have to get rid of? I do. I hear het women ranking themselves all the time.... but generally it is below some other so-called higher womanly image.

The more I think about this, the more I think that this ranking of females is so entangled in our culture that we may not even realize it.

Consider advertising, right? A man is judged not for what he wears but who he has on his arm. In a sea of dark suits and ties, the woman stands out in her vibrant dress and jewels.

Those of the butch persuasion are no less affected by advertising than those of the femme persuasion.

For me, a lot of the male-centric things within my community are products of socialization. Socialization affected, effected and directed by marketing.

I was raised that it's just tacky for a woman to go out in sweats but no biggie for a man. How do I translate that to my relationships within the BF world?

Example:It's okay for the butch to show up in rumpled attire, but I would be appalled if I did it and, yes, I actaully would judge a femme on this. That's something I have to address with myself obviously.

But. Is this culture? Is it socialization? Is it male-centric?

Or is it female-phobic on some level?