Open Letter: Dear Femme

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

I think so.

I don't hear heterosexual women "rank" themselves. I never hear "oh, she's a high hetero, or ooo, look at that casual, low maintenance straight woman". I do see where judgment takes place - perhaps that's one and the same but in different clothing?

Soccer Mom
Country Club Woman
Trophy Wife
Saks Shopper
Wal-Mart People
School teacher
Librarian

I think these all have inherent "looks" and "rankings". When you see those words, do you get a mental image that you then have to get rid of? I do. I hear het women ranking themselves all the time.... but generally it is below some other so-called higher womanly image.

The more I think about this, the more I think that this ranking of females is so entangled in our culture that we may not even realize it.

Consider advertising, right? A man is judged not for what he wears but who he has on his arm. In a sea of dark suits and ties, the woman stands out in her vibrant dress and jewels.

Those of the butch persuasion are no less affected by advertising than those of the femme persuasion.

For me, a lot of the male-centric things within my community are products of socialization. Socialization affected, effected and directed by marketing.

I was raised that it's just tacky for a woman to go out in sweats but no biggie for a man. How do I translate that to my relationships within the BF world?

Example:It's okay for the butch to show up in rumpled attire, but I would be appalled if I did it and, yes, I actaully would judge a femme on this. That's something I have to address with myself obviously.

But. Is this culture? Is it socialization? Is it male-centric?

Or is it female-phobic on some level?

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Arwen

But. Is this culture? Is it socialization? Is it male-centric?

Or is it female-phobic on some level?

Perhaps all of the above.

Aren't we all conditioned to respond this way, and yes, more specifically towards women?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

Perhaps all of the above.

Aren't we all conditioned to respond this way, and yes, more specifically towards women?

Yes. When females are born, we are sprinkled with tenderizer so it will be easier to tear one another apart.

If only women could turn all of this negative shit inside out and blast the evil forces in the world with it, we'd be on the fast track to world peace.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

It's not just women though.

A woman walks into a store wearing sweats. The salesman looks her up and down with displeasure. Points her in a direction she had no interest in going. She probably made more money in six months than he did in one year - yet - he made assumptions about her.

Would this salesman respond the same way if a man walked in wearing sweats? Probably not.

It depends upon the salesman. If he was a car salesman, yes. If he was a high end retail salesman, then he'd most likely treat them equally.

I haven't met anyone with the capability to treat everyone they meet the same. While some try, it's just not in our nature. It is, however, in a woman's nature to internalize things and think and think and think about them until somehow the smallest things are pronounced. Why is that?

[apretty]

/off topic

regardless of what he or she is selling, a quality salesperson is interested in making the sale and it wouldn't matter what the customer is wearing. i think experiences vary widely, here. most times i chalk up bad service to inexperience or an unskilled, inept salesperson --not to who i am/what i intend to buy, or not.

Originally Posted by Gemme

It depends upon the salesman. If he was a car salesman, yes. If he was a high end retail salesman, then he'd most likely treat them equally.

I haven't met anyone with the capability to treat everyone they meet the same. While some try, it's just not in our nature. It is, however, in a woman's nature to internalize things and think and think and think about them until somehow the smallest things are pronounced. Why is that?

/on topic:

cuz we're taught from day one to subjugate ourselves.

[blush]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I haven't met anyone with the capability to treat everyone they meet the same. While some try, it's just not in our nature. It is, however, in a woman's nature to internalize things and think and think and think about them until somehow the smallest things are pronounced. Why is that?

It's the Cinderalla complex. Or part of it. We are taught that there is only ONE beautiful woman in any given room. If that's "not us," then it must be something flawed in ourselves.

I don't think it's in "our nature," though. I think it's Disney-based.