The Femmes That Love You...

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

Yeah, finding that line between fetishizing and preference is tricky, I think. I used to think dating someone just because they're trans was kind of insulting and fetishizing. Today I feel differently, and just prefer to be with queer people who are attracted to transguys (just as someone can be typically attracted to bears, twinks, butches, femmes, genderqueer folks, women in general, men in general etc.) It really is how the individual sees.

The first transguy I dated liked me partly as I wasn't attracted to transguys. In his eyes that made my attraction for him more 'genuine'. My current partner, my husband, partly liked me as I was attracted to a broad range of identities, therefore he felt safe that it was 'him' I was attracted to and not the novelty of his gender. I found both of these attitudes quite normal and understandable at the time.

Now I'm not so sure. What if we split and I discover in the future that I'm no longer interested in having a relationship with a cis-gendered woman? That I'm still not attracted to cis-gendered men and that what I really want is another transguy? What is the next transguy going to think when he discovers that I've purposely sought him out, not just because he's hot, but because he's trans? These are things I can't help but wonder. Will he think I'm a fetishising cowbag?

Susie Bright provided part of my answer by interviewing a long since transitioned transman (no idea of his name) who assured her readers that he was not offended by the idea of fetishisation. In fact he'd found it made lesbians more likely to consider him a potential partner. I know if I met a boy who demanded I be attracted to cis-gendered men also, or accused me of demeaning the entire trans community by only wanting to date a transman, then I probably wouldn't want to date him anyway.