Open Letter: Dear Femme

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Lynn

It's true, I've been told that I'm not a femme by someone (happened to be FtM) from the match site. I think the reason was that I expressed to him that I appreciate all women, not just butch women. Even though butch women are my preference for romantic or sexual partners.

But, whatever. It bugged me because I thought he was a jerk to offer his opinion. I was amazed (naively) that someone who had defied stereotypes, as he had, would be so quick to label and judge me. It didn't affect how I felt about myself, though. I can have low self-esteem without any help from anyone!

The same has happened to me, but on that other site - I was told I wasn't femme because I too, appreciate all women. I AM a lesbian, so femme wasn't supposed to be an identifying option for me. According to that particular source, femmes are "supposed" to be into stone/TG/FtM butches (exclusively). Lesbians "don't count" as being femme.

Whatever.

I am who I feel inside. At times I feel fiercely femme, other times, I don't. I am just me exploring and playing out the many facets of who I am. I have been called unladylike but I have also been called high femme. I have had so many "labels" throughout my life - truthfully, I don't care how others perceive me anymore. All I concern myself with is being true to who I am and living each day in the world I define - not how others define it for me.

And for the record - I have never heard of "low femme" as a descriptor.