Rethinking our partner wishlists. Is it "settling" or adjusting to reality?

[pajama]

Originally Posted by Kobi

If you have a wishlist for a partner/companion is it an ideal list or a
guide of sorts?

I've never really thought of it as a list. It actually is more a list in my head of the things I know I don't like or I am not compatible with. Some are hard limits because of childhood issues, others are beliefs I have developed over the years that I prefer others to share. I really am open to all kinds of people so I don't have requirements for what I want you TO be, just what I DON'T want to be with.

Have you revised your list to increase your chances for finding an
appropriate partner/companion as you have matured in age?

I would say, as i've aged, I have increased my "list" and become much more picky. But I'm very okay with being alone. I would rather be alone than settle or have to change myself into something I really am not. I ended my 5 year marriage to a wonderful lady, because I realized there was more to me than the one type of partner I was to her and that eventually I would grow to begrudge her. We are fabulous friends now. When we broke up part of the conversation went something like this: Her "You're going to regret letting me go." Me "Yes, I'm sure you're right. The question is going to be will I regret it more or less than i would regret not being true to myself."

Do you feel like you are settling if you deviate from your list?

Absolutely! So I don't deviate.

If you find someone who's company you enjoy, and who treats you well,
but doesnt measure up to your preferred standards in some way,
can you set your list aside and just enjoy the company? Or, do you
find yourself holding back in case a more suitable suitor comes along?

I can enjoy the company. I cannot look upon them as a long-term partner. They might be a good friend. Or interim lover. But certain qualities on the "list" are not up for discussion. I always let folks know what those things are too. It may be in subtle discussions, (meaning I don't sit them down specifically and say "Here are the requirements I have of you...", but more like "Oh yeah, I can't stand people that are so-and-so.") but they have all been made aware at some point or another what I choose not to tolerate.

Is there a point, age wise, when you can see yourself letting go of
the need for bells, whistles, and fireworks in exchange for pleasant,
consistent, mutually satisfying, supportive companionship?

Honestly, for me, No. I see myself becoming more and more of a recluse as I age. And that's perfectly fine with me.

Now, with all this said. There are always minor things that I am willing to compromise on. Bend or maintain an open mind about. But I learned long ago, I DO NOT want to try to change anyone. If we are not compatible, then I am okay with going our seperate ways. I will not ask you to change to meet my requirements. That never ends up working out well. I learned that years ago. LOL

A