Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[weatherboi]

Thank you Superfemme!!

I wasn't really sure how to word my response and you did it perfectly. When first discussing my dynamic with my cousin I found she was coming from a vanilla lack of knowledge perspective and assumed just this. I will never forget how terribly upset she got over it and how I spent the afternoon educating her on just the opposite of her perspective. Her blurred view created her much anguish. Now she spends lots of time asking questions about our dynamic. She loves loves loves my Ms!!!

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Sweet? I don't think being forced to submit to *anything* as a child/adult equate to submissive as it pertains to this conversation.

I totally love your posts and what you have to say, but it is precisely this kind of thing that perpetuates false information about what a sub/boi actually IS.

It is dangerous to blur the line, don't you think?

[weatherboi]

Originally Posted by Sweet

I appreciate this conversation. Thank you.

Misogny has a lot to do with it.... but also, some individuals are afraid of change or afraid of things that are done differently than what they consider "the norm". They attempt to force their beliefs on us, or scorn us for not being "normal"... maybe, inside they want to explore your type of relationship style, but are afraid of also being perceived as "less than"...so they quietly dream about it, but don't act on it, instead they continue to scorn those that do act on their inner self.

I am not so sure my experiences dictate that it is about people being envious of my dynamic and there lack of exploration. When a misogynistic situation presents itself and invades my dynamic it usually comes in the form of a trans or butch person trying to swtich my Ms or bait her slaves with belittling words.

You talk of our own personal evolution of our gender identity...
I agree that there is a stigma about your preferred type of bond. Mostly, (coming from a "me & I" place), I think stigmas come about because the person imposing the stigma has fears, inhibitions, lack of education, self esteem issues, issues with how they were raised to believe, or are too self absorbed to understand that their way is not the only or best way to live. Sometimes, the stigma around your type of bond is directed at both the sub and top because those imposing the stigma try to force their perceptions & beliefs...or interject their fears without personally knowing the couple in question. Sadly, the stigma becomes a personal attack like what you describe as a bullet. I admire your strength to dodge that bullet.

thanks for acknowledging this.


(Please note... this is hard for me to explain, but I will try anyway...I use the term submissive in a different definition than you are describing... to me, my submissive means I "give in" unwillingly to someone I really don't want to be with, or to do something with them that they know I don't like or is a boundary of mine, but they make me submit anyway because "it's their way or nothing". In the past, I've submitted to save my little cousin and sister from harm...or I've submitted to "get it over with and them off of me". To me there are two different ways of being submissive; what I describe here, which holds a negative feeling for me... and the submissive energy you and others enjoy, which is a very positive energy. )
i think you may be best served reading some literature on D/s. it will help you work out some of this confusion you seem to be struggling with surrounding this dynamic. you have a plethora of resources at your fingertips.

I don't consider myself a Femme Top... or a Femme Bottom... After being single for many years, I haven't been with anyone that I could explore being Femme Top with. I don't know how I feel about that, if I were given the chance. I'm still evolving...but, I've recently accepted my evolution as a Femme Middle (my own term, after struggling with my ID and perceptions of what other's think I am/should be). I am very comfortable with being Femme Middle because it gives me a sense of security I've never had. I have heard the term Femme Switch...this does not fit me either and isn't what I mean by Femme Middle.
listening to your experience i can see where femme middle evolved for you...good for you

I am far from weak and grit my teeth when it is implied that I am weak or "less than" or that I should take "second fiddle" to my partner of choice because they perceive themselves - or someone else perceives them - to be "the leader" of our relationship. I do not like to be submissive because of YEARS of being made to submit in a very negative way. Although, I have often been made to feel less than. Especially when I first came out and ID'd as Femme Bottom (because I didn't know about other ID's or how to evolve with my own)?

Maybe being made to feel less than is one reason why I reject being the positive submissive? (has anyone else ever felt that way?) I get very "hot under the collar" when I am treated like I'm less than or given less respect because I may possibly be submissive. It's a very big trigger point for me. Maybe because I was forced to be submissive as a child and young adult? Lately though, I've become very content with "owing" what makes me Femme Middle - a very sassy Femme Middle - and I finally take pride in "coming into my own". Femme Middle means something very special to me. I'm not sure if I could be Femme Top... but do respect and admire those that are, as well as their partners. I have so little experience with a partner - after being single for the most part since 1996 - that it's hard for me to explore my gender and preferences, or to judge what I am comfortable with or not. I do have boundaries, mostly to do with PTSD. I have wondered if I am Stone Femme? But for now, Femme Middle fits me very well.



I am very happy for you that you have found an intimate bond that you can completely enjoy and give yourself to. By what I describe above, I don't want you to think I would EVER belittle you in any way. I'm just having trouble finding my words is all.

Maybe one day, I will find a partner that I will willingly and without inhibitions be submissive to? Your positive kind of submissive energy. Maybe they will enjoy my being Femme Middle and I can explore being submissive without fear of being judged or "put into a little box" of their description of Femme? Maybe, if we both feel safe doing so, they won't mind me exploring being Femme Top? I certainly enjoy "giving" - submitting to a partner is a form of giving, as well as giving them specific attentions. I'm not sure about being in a Femme Led Relationship...although I am very sassy and independent, however it plays out, it must be a two way energy and relationship and NO "giving in" just because I felt I had to. I would enjoy finding a partner that would enjoy my gender and energy in the way you so affectionately describe. I will always continue to reject stigmas, bullets and little gray boxes with my sassy Femme way. Someone else's fears do not need to hurt me or become my own.

Being placed in someone's little gray box with their forced views written all over the walls, will make me fight like a caged wild Tigress. I hate little gray boxes and strongly disagree with/push away those that force me into their box.

There are times when I feel Top... but don't act on it because I am very happy being Femme Middle.


PS... I am Femme... but many of my likes and hobbies are considered "too masculine" for me. Especially with me liking all things mechanical and working in the construction field as a Forman and Boss for many years. I get very pissed at being forced into the a box filled with misogyny about "femme's shouldn't do that", "femme's can't do that because they will complain about breaking nails", "that's not how I like my Femmes, they should be frilly and fru fru", etc etc... It's the kind of person that forces me into that misogynistic box that I would LOVE to go Femme Top on!! I am Femme, hear me ROAR!

I think many femmes feel the way you do!! Thanks for your input sweet!!

[Apocalipstic]

Yeay, what a great thread!

Yes, I think Femme Tops, Femme Daddys, Butch Bottoms, Femme Cock etc etc. freaks people out and I love that!

It is sad that in a community that prides itself on bluring gender, people get so bent out of shape. We have enountered it often, but hope maybe people will become more open minded as they learn about different lifestyles?

I think it is important for those of us who don't do a set Male=Butch=Dominant and vice versa thing speak out and be visible.

I for one am thrilled that there are Butches in this world who do not 'haaave" to run the show.

I think it shows incredible strenth to gift control to another person and I admire this quality more than I can say.

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Sweet? I don't think being forced to submit to *anything* as a child/adult equates to submissive as it pertains to this conversation.

I totally love your posts and what you have to say, but it is precisely this kind of thing that perpetuates false information about what a sub/boi actually IS.

It is dangerous to blur the line, don't you think?

So no one misinterprets my tone or awkward struggle to find the right words, this comes from a place of total respect and dignity for everyone here.

At first, I didn't understand your post... and I still may not? But, I wasn't trying to focus my discussion on the negative submissive ways or twist things about, or blur any lines. I was attempting to explain where I was coming from, and to offer my support for sub/bois that enjoy their positive dynamic and for their Ms. I over explained myself, I understand that now. I also was not attempting to perpetuate any false information or stigma. I was trying to voice a distaste for exactly that. Yes, I do believe it is dangerous to blur the line and I meant no disrespect at all. I do agree that being forced to submit to *anything* as a child/adult does not pertain to this conversation. I did mention that I was having trouble finding the right words... and did mention that I haven't had the opportunity to enjoy the positive submissiveness of any relationship or dynamic... I was trying to show respect for those that do enjoy and partake.

I attempted to focus the majority of my post on being made to feel "less than" and how that makes me (and others) reject exploring their desires to be sub. But apparently, I've stepped on toes or over stepped my bounds. I stand scalded and will gladly and with dignity learn from it.

Originally Posted by weatherboi

Thank you Superfemme!!

I wasn't really sure how to word my response and you did it perfectly. When first discussing my dynamic with my cousin I found she was coming from a vanilla lack of knowledge perspective and assumed just this. I will never forget how terribly upset she got over it and how I spent the afternoon educating her on just the opposite of her perspective. Her blurred view created her much anguish. Now she spends lots of time asking questions about our dynamic. She loves loves loves my Ms!!!

Yes, in some ways, I do have a vanilla lack of knowledge or view... what I like to describe as being naive, and sheltered, which sometimes comes from lacking the ability to interact with someone of quality in my real-time environment like yourself and your Ms. However, just that statement "vanilla lack of knowledge" makes me feel that somehow... although unwittingly... my being vanilla is "less than" and my views not considered valuable...even if naive and lacking in something. However, I do not have a blurred view of perspectives and consider my perspectives very clear... I like to organize my thoughts/perspectives into "concepts" ... "concept A is =", "concept B is ="... I also keep my way of "being" separate within my thought process or while processing new knowledge when trying to understand and be accepting to someone else's way of enjoying their lives. I do apologize - but not grovel- to anyone I offended.

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

I think many femmes feel the way you do!! Thanks for your input sweet!!

Thank you very kindly and I apologize for misunderstanding earlier.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Sweet

So no one misinterprets my tone or awkward struggle to find the right words, this comes from a place of total respect and dignity for everyone here.

At first, I didn't understand your post... and I still may not? But, I wasn't trying to focus my discussion on the negative submissive ways or twist things about, or blur any lines. I was attempting to explain where I was coming from, and to offer my support for sub/bois that enjoy their positive dynamic and for their Ms. I over explained myself, I understand that now. I also was not attempting to perpetuate any false information or stigma. I was trying to voice a distaste for exactly that. Yes, I do believe it is dangerous to blur the line and I meant no disrespect at all. I do agree that being forced to submit to *anything* as a child/adult does not pertain to this conversation. I did mention that I was having trouble finding the right words... and did mention that I haven't had the opportunity to enjoy the positive submissiveness of any relationship or dynamic... I was trying to show respect for those that do enjoy and partake.

I attempted to focus the majority of my post on being made to feel "less than" and how that makes me (and others) reject exploring their desires to be sub. But apparently, I've stepped on toes or over stepped my bounds. I stand scalded and will gladly and with dignity learn from it.



Yes, in some ways, I do have a vanilla lack of knowledge or view... what I like to describe as being naive, and sheltered, which sometimes comes from lacking the ability to interact with someone of quality in my real-time environment like yourself and your Ms. However, just that statement "vanilla lack of knowledge" makes me feel that somehow... although unwittingly... my being vanilla is "less than" and my views not considered valuable...even if naive and lacking in something. However, I do not have a blurred view of perspectives and consider my perspectives very clear... I like to organize my thoughts/perspectives into "concepts" ... "concept A is =", "concept B is ="... I also keep my way of "being" separate within my thought process or while processing new knowledge when trying to understand and be accepting to someone else's way of enjoying their lives. I do apologize - but not grovel- to anyone I offended.

I know you were coming from a really good place Sweet, and your tone is great. I hope understand that nobody's toes were stepped on in you post, because I don't want you to think that.

I was pointing out how it read. No worries, ok?

[weatherboi]

Originally Posted by Sweet

Yes, in some ways, I do have a vanilla lack of knowledge or view... what I like to describe as being naive, and sheltered, which sometimes comes from lacking the ability to interact with someone of quality in my real-time environment like yourself and your Ms. However, just that statement "vanilla lack of knowledge" makes me feel that somehow... although unwittingly... my being vanilla is "less than" and my views not considered valuable...even if naive and lacking in something. However, I do not have a blurred view of perspectives and consider my perspectives very clear... I like to organize my thoughts/perspectives into "concepts" ... "concept A is =", "concept B is ="... I also keep my way of "being" separate within my thought process or while processing new knowledge when trying to understand and be accepting to someone else's way of enjoying their lives. I do apologize - but not grovel- to anyone I offended.

This statement I made was specific to my experience with my cousin not pertaining to you. I don't know you so I can not say what you lack or don't. I should have made that clearer and I apologize. I usually separate my thoughts with a space. I apologize for any misunderstanding. I will say that this is not what I experience in "leather" elements but other elements. Make sense sweet?

[WingsOnFire]

I can totally relate to this subject... I am a Switch. I began my relationship with my Daddy as his babygirl.. We evolved into a D/s D/g relationship.

My Daddy is an FTM and is also a Switch. We both have a dominant and a submissive side. He is predominantly my Daddy/Sir, I am his babygirl/submissive. But I am also Mistress to his submissive boy side.

I have had to watch my lesbian friends look of disgust when I explain why I call my partner "he". Add to that trying to explain D/s roles I very rarely will explain I also have a submissive boy... I refuse to subject him to anyone who will put him down or make him feel bad. Of course I also live in the bible belt.

If my friends judge my relationship ANY PART of my relationship I let them fade into my past as I don't have time for people like that. My boy is very special to me and I will protect him with my life... Just as Daddy protects his babygirl with his life. My two best (straight) friends know about my submissive boy and I know they will always be respectful toward my relationship.

I have not discussed this openly much because being a Switch is often looked up negatively as well.

I really am happy to see the positiveness this community is showing on Butch Femme Planet. I am pleased that Daddy and I have joined this site... And I am very glad you started this thread weatherboi.. I am so glad you felt secure enough to discuss how you feel and how others have made you feel when they are disrespectful to your Ms.

I look forward to reading further comments on this subject.

Becca

[Toughy]

One day hanging with a bunch of butch folk over a beer and a pool table the conversation turned to Femme Tops and butch bottoms. Some of those Butch Top folk are doing the posturing, chest bumping, knuckle dragging crap about no self respecting butch would get fucked or beat............<big ole snort>

Well....being who I am........I kinda smiled and said....

I bottom to a Femme Top and have been for a few years now.

<dead silence>

....you fill in the blanks....

One of the things I love most about the kink community (in general) lives in the idea that kink and sexuality have nothing to do with gender.


weatherboi...........please oh please tell anyone who insults you about being a bottom to come talk to me.............please................laughin...... .....please............

One of the things I know is this........and I was reminded this by an old friend who I saw in a cafe the other day.......

bottoms run the fuck

[weatherboi]

Hi Becca-
Thanks for taking the time to post about your relationship and experiences. Evolution is great between 2 people. Switching is cool. I have never been involved in a relationship where we switched. I think it would be hard for me to Top my Ms. Confusing for me. Now don't get me wrong I can reciprocate fucking her but I will never be topping her. Make sense? Has switching ever been a struggle in your D/g dynamic?

Originally Posted by MidnightBlueEyes

I can totally relate to this subject... I am a Switch. I began my relationship with my Daddy as his babygirl.. We evolved into a D/s D/g relationship.

My Daddy is an FTM and is also a Switch. We both have a dominant and a submissive side. He is predominantly my Daddy/Sir, I am his babygirl/submissive. But I am also Mistress to his submissive boy side.

I have had to watch my lesbian friends look of disgust when I explain why I call my partner "he". Add to that trying to explain D/s roles I very rarely will explain I also have a submissive boy... I refuse to subject him to anyone who will put him down or make him feel bad. Of course I also live in the bible belt.

If my friends judge my relationship ANY PART of my relationship I let them fade into my past as I don't have time for people like that. My boy is very special to me and I will protect him with my life... Just as Daddy protects his babygirl with his life. My two best (straight) friends know about my submissive boy and I know they will always be respectful toward my relationship.

I have not discussed this openly much because being a Switch is often looked up negatively as well.

I really am happy to see the positiveness this community is showing on Butch Femme Planet. I am pleased that Daddy and I have joined this site... And I am very glad you started this thread weatherboi.. I am so glad you felt secure enough to discuss how you feel and how others have made you feel when they are disrespectful to your Ms.

I look forward to reading further comments on this subject.

Becca

[Isadora]

I have been served by four bois in my life. Their strength and butchness was never questioned...they all have both. The ridicule they put up with from femmes who were disappointed they were "really not tops", to butches into butches who can't figure out what they see in Me, to being hurt as the big bad butch top next to them goes into a fit of frenzied denial when mistaken for a bottom (like it was some kind of horrid possibility), to the butch top who tells them bottom butches are only good for a blow job, to being asked if hy wore frilly panties, too...all insulting, all hurtful and all unnecessary.

D once said to me, "Ma'am, I am the butch of your dreams and the bottom of your fantasies." Hy was both and wonderful.

[sharkchomp]

Weatherboi

There's alot of judgemental people in the world. It's just plain ignorance and perhaps laziness too. Not to mention a lot of assumptions. The truth is, perception isn't always reality.

The perception is that bottom/sub boy = weak but the reality is bottom/sub boy, girl, femme, woman, man, butch, etc etc = a very strong person. There are people who just can't get past their perceptions and nothing anyone says, even with the most eloquent explanation, will never change that.

When someone says that you are weak what they are really saying is that they are not (even if they never verbally say that they are not weak, that is silently implied. This line of thinking is judgemental and seperatist. It puts you in one corner and them [supposedly] on their shining pedestal.

Who knows exactly why they don't get it or don't accept the depth of strength it takes to submit or bottom to another, regardless of gender. The truth is that line of thinking is their perception. I suggest the next time someone wants to put you in said corner, you merely smile. And in that smile, decide if they are someone worth your time and effort to educate.

And remember what the truth is when you hear this line of ignorance - that their ignorance is no true reflection of you. You are no less of a person, you are not a weak sub/bottom. Hold your head up high, with dignity and class for your journey has been unique to yourself.

My best
~~~shark~~~~~~~~

[WingsOnFire]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

Hi Becca-
Thanks for taking the time to post about your relationship and experiences. Evolution is great between 2 people. Switching is cool. I have never been involved in a relationship where we switched. I think it would be hard for me to Top my Ms. Confusing for me. Now don't get me wrong I can reciprocate fucking her but I will never be topping her. Make sense? Has switching ever been a struggle in your D/g dynamic?

I am a dominant woman in my everyday life.. I am a Scorpio. So I have a dominant personality which allows me to be a switch. In submitting I release the stresses that life throws my way. I can not even begin to express what it means to me to be a submissive. I also cant express what it means to me to be Mistress to my submissive boy. When you are given control over someones life in that way it is an honor that I do not take lightly...

I can totally understand you not being able to top your Ms.... actually I am not sure I can imagine anyone topping her... maybe just my perception??? But that does not make you weak in ANY WAY... to me a submissive has to be strong as steal... with the control we give up we must have given complete trust to our Dominant.. there is nothing weak about that...

As to your question first my babygirl side and submissive side of my dynamic are totally separate. I am predominantly a submissive now when I was 100% babygirl when our relationship began... So I was making sure to clarify the answer to your question as it really doesnt pertain to my babygirl side as Daddy is ALWAYS present when I am in babygirl mode if you want to call it that...

As far as switching within my D/s relationship it can sometimes be difficult to switch within your own relationship but it is very rarely an issue... Having a dominant side allows me to express that side of myself yet express my submissive side which is as much a part of me as breathing is. I have had people tell me that they can switch but not with their partner... I can and have topped another submissive but I can understand how some can not imagine switching with their Dominant... Or might have a Dominant who is not a switch which of course would require having another submissive to top.

My primary role is submissive, Daddy/Sir's primary role is Dominant. So for me I have not really had any issues with switching within our relationship. He is always very conscious of my emotional state and realizes if I am capable of being Dominant or not.

Hope that makes sense... I am half asleep.. We took a nap this afternoon which has me up WAYYY past my bedtime.

Becca

[DamonK]

Not to confuse anyone here...

As MBE said, I am a Switch. However, being called "Damon" instantly brings out the dominance, the Daddy, the Sir, the asshole -- whatever you want to call me when I'm "him".

Therefore, to make it easier, if I'm in the boy headspace, and don't need to be yanked out of boyspace, I'm called "J". Yes there's an entire name with it, but... well I have to have a FEW secrets, yanno.

So, speaking as J for now...

Is it difficult at times? Hell yes.
Does it get confusing at times? Hell yes.
Overall, do I love being able to be both? Hell yes.
Have I thought of giving it up -- the switching? Hell yes.
Would I give it up? Hell no.

Why is this?

This is not the correct thread, but as some may know, I have bipolar. My moods experience ups and downs that I can't control. The meds help me.

For me, being a switch is the "med" for my dominance. I get stuck in topspace and drop into an almost-depression when I come down from topspace. The submission allows me to balance.

I can't dominate all the time. I can't submit all the time.

Do people look at us like we're nuts? Yeah fairly regularly.

Do the same rules apply for me? Yes. If, as a boy, I do something wrong, I get punished. I have assignments. I have things I'm supposed to do. I do my best to get everything done.

How do we keep the distinctions separate? Very, very carefully. I'm supposed to journal regularly in order to check in. I switch from Sir to boy for approximately an hour every couple of days to check in. If there is something planned that is a special treat that I would enjoy as a boy, I switch. For example, a trip to the zoo. Gotta see those tigers. Gotta GET one of those tigers but I keep getting told no.

Being a Switch is a compromise. I suppose you could think of it as having 2 relationships. We don't have any real "set" times that I'm dominant and she's submissive, or vice versa.

It depends on the day, the situation, and our surroundings.

J

[weatherboi]

i thank You humbly Toughy!!

i have had 1 or 1000 knuckle dragging moments in my life...as for the kink community i have never felt more at home or accepted anywhere...everyones D/s and M/s is different...from my knees view point i know i don't run anything

Originally Posted by Toughy

One day hanging with a bunch of butch folk over a beer and a pool table the conversation turned to Femme Tops and butch bottoms. Some of those Butch Top folk are doing the posturing, chest bumping, knuckle dragging crap about no self respecting butch would get fucked or beat............<big ole snort>

Well....being who I am........I kinda smiled and said....

I bottom to a Femme Top and have been for a few years now.

<dead silence>

....you fill in the blanks....

One of the things I love most about the kink community (in general) lives in the idea that kink and sexuality have nothing to do with gender.


weatherboi...........please oh please tell anyone who insults you about being a bottom to come talk to me.............please................laughin...... .....please............

One of the things I know is this........and I was reminded this by an old friend who I saw in a cafe the other day.......

bottoms run the fuck

[Massive]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

Hi Massive and thank you for your participation.
I really respect that your space is so well rounded and that you so fiercely understand the struggle a trans/butch submissive/slave/bottom and their Femme Tops/Daddys encounter in this dynamic. When you were submitting/bottoming did you ever experience another butch (not in BDSM) disrespect your Ms? As a bottom have you ever noticed how there seems to be forming a pattern of submissives using a victim stance to leave/dismiss a relationship?

Thank you, and yes, I have to admit to having experienced that on both counts, both being dismissed and disrespected towards myself and my Ms, and to our faces too, and it came from people who had no understanding of the dynamic at all, butches who saw it as their role to be 'the man' (which is something I've always loathed, if they want that kind of role, surely we've surpassed that kind of blinkered approach to life in general) who couldn't see or were apparently disgusted by seeing me submitting to a femme, and yes I have seen submissives using the victim stance as an excuse and being extremely dismissive of a relationship which is exactly the same as their own, only it's a butch being submissive and not a femme, I don't like the hypocriticalness of that, it's pained me at times to see that kind of dismissiveness from another submissive, when surely it would be better for everyone to accept and draw strength from one anothers experiences and lives and not belittling others relationships.
I stand firm by my belief that if we are to get anywhere as a community, both in our own countries and globally, we need to work together and not attack one another.
We're never going to get equality if we've not got equality amongst ourselves ...

[waxnrope]

Thank you for the thread, weatherboi, and for all the deeply considered replies.

In my enigmatic fashion, I consider myself primarily an OFOS stone butch Top... yet I continue the process of tapping into the place/s of desire, curiosity, and the muddied waters of my actuality. Through fantasy and exploration, I discover, for myself, how my positioning (LOL) bends, so to speak. I "run the show" ... except when my partner's imagination exceeds my own and seduces me with prospects of tantalizing pleasures. But only (at this time ...) IF done in a way that she remains "feminine." So, for now (cause who knows how I will think later!) I have managed to leave the door open for possibilities.

If I borrow from the French philosophical concept of the navette, or shuttle, Metaphorically, I have come to realize that this little vessel, known as my self, sometimes takes off without a specific landing point. It/I might have a destination in mind, but the current, the winds, the vegetation on another shore draws attention. This direction change might occur because my femme sub has a marvelous bit of creative imagery and imagination. And so I alter my course, to investigate - with her. Hopefully for both to enjoy. I will remain primarily a Top ... but there is much space to explore between the mountain and the sea ... I love the vastness of possibilities.

[Sachita]

ok, :::::deep breath:::: I am at a crossroads in my life and having just turned 52 (lol- I know I don't look it!) I am fearless. Must be the gray hair!

I've thought about this a lot lately. A very brief synopsis is I began my femdom journey over 20 years ago. It was inspired by my spirituality... the many faces of the Goddess and feminine power. I refused to adopt societies feminine roles and ideals. I am a natural alpha femme. It's part of my essence. Sexuality was magic to me. When I first discovered BDSM my heart leaped. There was something there. I could feel it and that began a very long journey, many paths and ultimately living the lifestyle 24/7. My world was magnificent and animated. People would come to home and thought they walked into another world. I felt adored and worshiped but after a time i wanted more. I was attracted to butch energy, masculine and yet submissive. It was so hard to find the right dynamic and I often settled. In fact I stepped out of my femdom world completely and dated no one for maybe 4 years. When I decided to date I found BF and explored. I wasn't falling for this pseudo masculinity I saw in some butches. I see right through that shit. At the same time I was striving for some kind of balance. I had a few, very few relationships with transgendered people and struggled because I am naturally dominant and strong. They were constantly challenged by this and fought me tooth and nail. I grew sick of being called a dominatrix or mock me "Yes Goddess" every time i stood up or had an opinion.

My best day is to wake up, have coffee served, feel loved and truly adored. When one truly does exist to please me. It's not my ego it's my essence and it can't be just anyone looking to appease me. The dynamic is only presence when one thrives on serving me. I project, they receive and together we make magic. They long to relinquish control, it completes them and I long to feed on what they give me. It is the ultimate act of strength to step outside consensus morality and relinquish control to a powerful woman. It is an enhancement to your identity and not what most people think- a downgrade.

It's impossible for one that is not born to this world to understand how erotic and healing constructive humiliation is. They don't realize the responsibility that goes with mind fuckery and taking such an uncharted journey with another human being. Most have never soared that high or dove so deeply into darkness where the ultimate transformations take place.

It's complex, what I desire and the truth is I've settled. I thought I could have a strong butch, enjoy the whole old fashion BF dynamic and still be a spoiled princess but I'm sick and fucking tired of being misunderstood because I won't settle and because i want things. I'm sick and fucking tired of not having my needs met and then told I'm fucked up because of who I am. Tired of being so misunderstood.

Maybe two years ago a friend, naturally submissive boi came to visit. There wasn't anything feminine about him at all. Just being in protocol, enjoying the natural dynamic between us was unreal. The sexual chemistry was fueled by things most would never understand. I was still busy trying to mend a broken heart and I also knew my submissive friend, although a hot roll, would be consumed by my desire and too immature to meet my needs long term.... we fucked, we played, we soared and he left.

Nothing comes close to this. Still I'm undecided because even when I encounter a submissive boi he must be strong in character, intelligent, sturdy and sane. Thus far I encountered a lot of serious emotional baggage or because of my experience curious hook-ups. I am not a weekend warrior... I'm intense and I must prepare you & me for the journey. A little whippy spanky does nothing for me. I just havent found the right connection.

So weatherboi I understand where you are coming from and your desire to honor the divine feminine this way. Nothing teaches you or evolves your masculinity more then this IMO. There are women that "fit" this naturally and if you tap into that, find her, then you are a very lucky boi. Don't give a shit about what others think. Chances are they will not understand. You make change by example.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by MidnightBlueEyes

I can totally relate to this subject... I am a Switch. I began my relationship with my Daddy as his babygirl.. We evolved into a D/s D/g relationship.

My Daddy is an FTM and is also a Switch. We both have a dominant and a submissive side. He is predominantly my Daddy/Sir, I am his babygirl/submissive. But I am also Mistress to his submissive boy side.

I have had to watch my lesbian friends look of disgust when I explain why I call my partner "he". Add to that trying to explain D/s roles I very rarely will explain I also have a submissive boy... I refuse to subject him to anyone who will put him down or make him feel bad. Of course I also live in the bible belt.

If my friends judge my relationship ANY PART of my relationship I let them fade into my past as I don't have time for people like that. My boy is very special to me and I will protect him with my life... Just as Daddy protects his babygirl with his life. My two best (straight) friends know about my submissive boy and I know they will always be respectful toward my relationship.

I have not discussed this openly much because being a Switch is often looked up negatively as well.

I really am happy to see the positiveness this community is showing on Butch Femme Planet. I am pleased that Daddy and I have joined this site... And I am very glad you started this thread weatherboi.. I am so glad you felt secure enough to discuss how you feel and how others have made you feel when they are disrespectful to your Ms.

I look forward to reading further comments on this subject.

Becca

I think this is so cool and so sexually/spiritually evolved. Understanding the aspects of yourself, defining them, giving them complete identities and compartments within yourself. Then finding one who loves you, trust, etc that supports allowing that "person" to emerge, play/explore and realize its just one aspect of you.

I think for me I need one who is naturally submissive most of the time, however I am also ok with hym/her developing other aspects when the need arrives.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Weatherboi,

First of all this is a great thread! Good for you. You are brave for posting this. My hat is off to you.

Secondly, do not let anyone belittle you at all. Sheesh.

If they do, you just say it to me, and I will straighten them right out. Another jackass as I see it. You hold your head high.

Lastly, whomever is your partner/spouse go have fun! Go live life! It is so short. So have fun no matter what!