Trans people talking to other trans people

[Esme nha Maire]

Not that it's any consolation, Dean, but us women often get the reverse effect, of a lowering of libido once our hormone levels are more female-typical. I certainly did, and felt that to be a blessing! Getting pulled hither and yon by ones endocrine system was horrid! Some become quite disinterested. It hasn't made me disinterested in sex, it's just that sex became the icing on the cake for me rather than the body of the cake, as it were, which better fitted with how I consciously felt about such things. Sex is nice, but cuddles are vital! (chuckle)

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Not that it's any consolation, Dean, but us women often get the reverse effect, of a lowering of libido once our hormone levels are more female-typical. I certainly did, and felt that to be a blessing! Getting pulled hither and yon by ones endocrine system was horrid! (chuckle)

Yep. I haven't met a single trans woman in my practice who didn't say they were pleased about this!

Besides no longer having that sense of being "controlled" by one's libido, for some of them it was that they weren't reminded on a regular basis, that they had a penis.

One of the most interesting things to me about taking testosterone is finding out that many of the things that we assume to be socialization is just biological. This is one of them. We say "men think with their dicks". Although that particular statement refers to men making poor, selfish, damaging, or dangerous choices, it is true that a super high libido does impact, interfere even, with our focus on things. The purpose of men having such a high libido is to ensure that we continue to populate. But, it can be super frustrating.

Another example is that we say that men don't cry because they are socialized not to. I have repeated this over and over again, myself. Well, guess what? I don't have a need to cry...like ever.
THAT is a blessing. So although it is true that boys may be shamed for crying, there is certainly a hormonal component to our tears/emotions.

Sex hormones are so fascinating to me.

ETA: Dean, I made the comment that it didn't reduce for me. I will say that I have gotten a bit better at shifting and focusing on other things, but at first it was very hard. Like I said, it is truly uncomfortable sometimes when one can't relieve themselves. My drive hasn't decreased though.

[Dean Thoreau]

Ohhhhhh, thanks for all the information. I think I shall be seeking physical outlets as soon as I heal from surgery ( I am developing the understanding of teenaged boys, no wonder they were ... )
I think I am lucky right now, only getting perpetually aroused when I hear the gf’s voice... feeling like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football.

So not to sound stupid here guys, but that electrical charge that hits then the lingering desire if not fulfilled . I now understand why guys grab themselves and (adjust so frequently) tho that seems to not work very well. After this raise to 75 per week it seems to be at a real strong desire about 12 hours and lasts for abt 48 hrs and now is there but shall I say manageable... can’t wait for Sunday when things are at the low.
Oh yeah news I dropped 36 pounds since surgery, so I am 1/3 of the way to my goal; and it’s strange I am being referred to as a female more now than b4surgery. My gf says it’s the tell tale mannerisms,,, so I am relearning how to develop more confidence and be less self conscious . I will confess I am avoiding wash rooms that are not all gender.

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by Dean Thoreau

... and it’s strange I am being referred to as a female more now than b4surgery. My gf says it’s the tell tale mannerisms,,, so I am relearning how to develop more confidence and be less self conscious . I will confess I am avoiding wash rooms that are not all gender.

I suspect it won't take you too long to adjust your mannerisms, Dean. And it's absolutely the right idea to try to be less self conscious. One can't help but be a little self-conscious after a big change of this nature, but the thing to do is "own" the change; it's just you becoming the proper you, rather than continuing to present as something you were not against your own instincts, and if the world doesn't like it, then the world can go take a long walk off a short pier. All the best, Dean! xx

[Dean Thoreau]

I have been slowly building up to an identity change on Facebook. Yesterday, I finally said wtf and did it. Figured I would get it all out of the way at once. First 3 responses were positive...so I guess I am on a roll. The ones who blocked me for my political beliefs are prolly the same ones that wouldn’t want to hear this.

I don’t know but at this stage I really don’t care, I look at myself in the mirror and I am proud of who I see.
My immediate family..mother and brother we r estranged, they will hear by the Facebook grapevine.

My real real immediate fam, my kids and gf....they already know and that is all that matters. I didn’t say TG I just changed my name, and said..yes changes have happened, don’t bother to ask, cause I will not be answering.....
I did that because I don’t want to become their token TG, and answer stupid questions,,,or listen to stupid comments. And a bunch of my far extended fam is stuck in the 50’s andopt for ignorance as their education, I just can not tolerate the crap.
So I figured I would put out the name change and let them wonder, they know me well enough when I. Say don’t ask they don’t...I am the older cuz, at on time the matriarch but now no longer, just another guy on the guy side of the family tree.

That’s the weird part.... I’m a white male...... I’m no a woman vet, I’m a vet, I’m no longer a minority I have just ended up in the straight white male category of life.....is this why I try to hang on to the TG\FTM category, so I don’t have to deal with that SWM designation, and can still not think of myself as one?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dean Thoreau

That’s the weird part.... I’m a white male...... I’m no a woman vet, I’m a vet, I’m no longer a minority I have just ended up in the straight white male category of life.....is this why I try to hang on to the TG\FTM category, so I don’t have to deal with that SWM designation, and can still not think of myself as one?

I think that for some white trans men (which I am defining here as white female identified at birth individuals, who are on testosterone and are living full time as male), our queer identities are important to us, so we hang onto the transgender / FTM identity.

I think that white trans men (whether older or younger), who were never a part of the lesbian/queer/Butch-Femme community have an easier time, and are more eager, to accept the straight male label, as this is most likely how they have always identified, they had just not had the opportunity to transition yet.

Also, some of us, especially those who have been a part of the lesbian and/or queer community (in my opinion), look at straight, white males with a lens that is...well, pretty much, of distaste. Or at least I always have, and continue to in some ways, due to the shit white, straight/closeted males in America have done to all minority groups (of every shape and form). So, we struggle with aligning ourselves with this group.

However, it could also be as simple as you not feeling comfortable with the SWM moniker because you have literally JUST started to transition. So, you have not only not had time to "try on" that identity, but that identity has not yet been reflected back to you by the public. (I am assuming here that you are not gendered as male 100% of the time). After that starts happening, you might identify more with the SWM moniker. It may just be a transition from one to the other (no pun intended).

[Kätzchen]

I hope it's okay to leave this in your forum thread Dapper! Thanks for all you do for the Trans community, here.