Trans people talking to other trans people

[Dean Thoreau]

I have been slowly building up to an identity change on Facebook. Yesterday, I finally said wtf and did it. Figured I would get it all out of the way at once. First 3 responses were positive...so I guess I am on a roll. The ones who blocked me for my political beliefs are prolly the same ones that wouldn’t want to hear this.

I don’t know but at this stage I really don’t care, I look at myself in the mirror and I am proud of who I see.
My immediate family..mother and brother we r estranged, they will hear by the Facebook grapevine.

My real real immediate fam, my kids and gf....they already know and that is all that matters. I didn’t say TG I just changed my name, and said..yes changes have happened, don’t bother to ask, cause I will not be answering.....
I did that because I don’t want to become their token TG, and answer stupid questions,,,or listen to stupid comments. And a bunch of my far extended fam is stuck in the 50’s andopt for ignorance as their education, I just can not tolerate the crap.
So I figured I would put out the name change and let them wonder, they know me well enough when I. Say don’t ask they don’t...I am the older cuz, at on time the matriarch but now no longer, just another guy on the guy side of the family tree.

That’s the weird part.... I’m a white male...... I’m no a woman vet, I’m a vet, I’m no longer a minority I have just ended up in the straight white male category of life.....is this why I try to hang on to the TG\FTM category, so I don’t have to deal with that SWM designation, and can still not think of myself as one?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dean Thoreau

That’s the weird part.... I’m a white male...... I’m no a woman vet, I’m a vet, I’m no longer a minority I have just ended up in the straight white male category of life.....is this why I try to hang on to the TG\FTM category, so I don’t have to deal with that SWM designation, and can still not think of myself as one?

I think that for some white trans men (which I am defining here as white female identified at birth individuals, who are on testosterone and are living full time as male), our queer identities are important to us, so we hang onto the transgender / FTM identity.

I think that white trans men (whether older or younger), who were never a part of the lesbian/queer/Butch-Femme community have an easier time, and are more eager, to accept the straight male label, as this is most likely how they have always identified, they had just not had the opportunity to transition yet.

Also, some of us, especially those who have been a part of the lesbian and/or queer community (in my opinion), look at straight, white males with a lens that is...well, pretty much, of distaste. Or at least I always have, and continue to in some ways, due to the shit white, straight/closeted males in America have done to all minority groups (of every shape and form). So, we struggle with aligning ourselves with this group.

However, it could also be as simple as you not feeling comfortable with the SWM moniker because you have literally JUST started to transition. So, you have not only not had time to "try on" that identity, but that identity has not yet been reflected back to you by the public. (I am assuming here that you are not gendered as male 100% of the time). After that starts happening, you might identify more with the SWM moniker. It may just be a transition from one to the other (no pun intended).

[Kätzchen]

I hope it's okay to leave this in your forum thread Dapper! Thanks for all you do for the Trans community, here.

[Esme nha Maire]

Wow. Thanks for sharing how things are going with you as you've gone through your changes, Dean. It's been educational for me to hear of the things that are different for you guys than for us women. And y'know what? I hadn't considered for a moment that guys like you and Dapper might feel some unease at claiming the identity that better fits you (as against just BEING it). That's got to be tough.

However, not all cisgender guys are unpleasant types, there are good guys as well as bad guys, as with all sizable groups of folk. And you align with the good guys? That's great! More power to your elbow! You're tipping the balance in favour of the good, you've just increased the chances that the next interaction some woman has with a guy is going to be a positive one by a tiny fraction. This is A Good Thing. Keep up the good work!

[Dean Thoreau]

I love this section of the forum. Such affirming comments and bluntly I come here and just read from time to time; makes me feel better.

Ok so I am now up to 100 mg of T every week, on the 30th I get blood work and as long as that looks good will increase to 150 on June 12. My bp is lower than it has ever been,, except for a major amount of sexual desire... no bad side effects...with the exception of developing the male stupidity as my gf calls it. I keep saying I thought I already had that and she laughs and says see I’m right.

[Dean Thoreau]

What a wild ride June was.
Ok I was at 100 T weekly... after a few weeks at that my body went wild. I’ve heard of sex drive but it got insane, finally one weekend and not sleeping for three days and a sex drive that could not be satisfied or calmed down and a rage that was beyond anything I have ever experienced; I sent my endocrinologist an email saying Help! I explained every outrageous thing I had done; many things that I was shocked I had participated in.
The doc said take a break from T, and bluntly monitored me daily, checking in, and even discussed hospital admission because everything was so insane. So for 10 days no T, from the last orewacko dose. I had blood work done on the 29th and on Friday got to see the results: total t was 426.6 ... normal range is 7-40. A bit high
Free t was 9.9. When norm is 0 to 4.
Well at least it was the T not just insanity.
Not sure what caused the T to go so high but
I am now back on with a low 25 dose, and will take things even slower this time on the way up. Truth be told I don’t ever want to go through that again. Doc said the behavior and etc were due to the T. The doc even volunteered to speak with the gf so she would understand that the T in my system had taken over. Suffice to say after the weeks of this and normal stresses the gf and I are no longer seeing each other.
Personally I was wanting to break up with myself. That person I did not recognize, and bluntly would prefer to never see again.
Post script here, in 8 days my t went from 244 to 426 and the dose never changed...so what caused the jump is under debate, and I swear I did not increase a dose on my own.
So that’s been my world and my mistress T, hopefully with the restart things will go more smoothly; one thing I have seen loud and clear is how every part of this transition affects a lot more people than me.
Now I just need to cancel a bunch of memberships to numerous web sites and a few clubs in a city nearby. I doubt I will be looking for that a second time.

[Esme nha Maire]

Blimey Dean! I thought the moods I went through whilst they were finding the right dosage of oestrogen for me were bad, but they were nothing compared to what you've described! I'm so sorry to hear of what happened to you, and your not seeing your gf anymore :-(

I had a short patch of a week or so during the months in which my HRT dosage was being slowly raised where I got irritable at the clank of a falling molecule, and, weirdly, I experienced a greatly enhanced locational sense, my 3D spatial awareness was MUCH better than usual. My girlfriend was clearly getting niggled at me over my irritability, but as she had epic moodies with her periods, she understood, too. Then when the dosage was raised further, things calmed down, I went back to being my usual amiable self and my spatial awareness returned to normal.

And here was me thinking you guys have it generally easier.. I'll never think that again!