PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I did go to the dungeon last night. It turned out great! The way the dungeon is set up there's two separate lounges with the main play space between them. I stayed in the middle lounge and he was smart enough to stay in the back. If I needed food or drink I had a submissive fetch it for me because the kitchen is back there too.

I didn't do my scene as originally planned but I had fun just cuddling and hanging out with my new play partner, and we had a group playing kinky Jenga at one point. I just ignored him and did my own thing and it worked out. I got into a "fuck him" mindset and I felt protected by my friends.

I'm glad you have a friend to sit with you in church. I hope it goes ok!!! Yes, if you come out of church crying hysterically it is definitely not worth it. You have to feel safe even if it, sadly, means removing yourself from that church. I will be thinking of you too and sending you good energies for tomorrow!

I could not bring myself to go....But, good news. I think he has been asked to leave the church and has gone. I sure hope so!

So glad you are OK and Dungeon went well!

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I could not bring myself to go....But, good news. I think he has been asked to leave the church and has gone. I sure hope so!

So glad you are OK and Dungeon went well!

I will be sooooo glad if that guy leaves the church!!!! He needs to after what he did. Keep us posted. Sorry you didn't make it this week but it's totally understandable.

I am at my therapist's about to do some EMDR on a REALLY traumatic memory and I'm nervous. I feel strong today but it's still gonna be hard and draining. I will let you all k ow how it goes.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I did my EMDR yesterday. I'm feeling exhausted and a little unsteady, which is normal. My therapist said I might be up and down for a couple days before I notice some positive effects of the EMDR. I've only done it once before this and I found that to be the case.

I'm trying to ground and use visualizations if my safe place to get through. It's helping. I'm going to do some painting as well. That session was fucking INTENSE. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm still tired. But. I get to see my baby niece today and I'm staying overnight so I will get lots of soothing girl time.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I did my EMDR yesterday. I'm feeling exhausted and a little unsteady, which is normal. My therapist said I might be up and down for a couple days before I notice some positive effects of the EMDR. I've only done it once before this and I found that to be the case.

I'm trying to ground and use visualizations if my safe place to get through. It's helping. I'm going to do some painting as well. That session was fucking INTENSE. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm still tired. But. I get to see my baby niece today and I'm staying overnight so I will get lots of soothing girl time.

I have found EMDR very helpful, but yes, it does take everything out of me. I have to schedule it at the end of the day. Over time though, when I look back at the traumas I have had EMDR around, I can really tell that my memories are more smoothed out and blurred at the edges. Brain spotting is also very helpful. Have you had that? Its more for if you don't know what exactly is activating your PTSD. EMDR seems more event specific. I have found them both really useful.

I am glad that you went and I hope this gives you the relief you need. I am so thankful for these therapies that can help us function in the world.

Therapist has something new to try next time I go. I used to have this anger inside I could call on when I needed it. and its just gone now. Then dud groped me, I froze and my throat closed up. What the Hell? I used to be tough as nails and now I freaking freeze. Where is that girl? Where is Helga the Prison Guard? (my former nickname at work by my employees) I don't know where she is. We are going to try to find her.

From what I have been told, groper man is not longer at church and they are supposed to have a meeting after church this Sunday to discuss changes in personnel. So I plan to go and see what happens. I have good support I can sit with. I really hope I can get back to it being a safe place for me.

OK, and on the subject of safe places...it just seems daunting and impossible to remove PTSD trigger occurrences. As well as I try to be.

Anyways, love to all of you!

[Kätzchen]

Tonight, I had my first session of EMDR with my transgendered therapist. It was so intense that I was yelling and experiencing a wide range of emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, rage - in some cases). I feel safe with my new therapist, but that is largely due to working on lots of other issues with my previous therapist, over the past year.

I had a very rough day today at work, so my therapy session was timely.

I don't really have any expectations for the end result of utilizing EMDR. I just know if the few sessions we have scheduled will bring about some sort of desired result, then I will count it as success. The good news, is that we only do EMDR once a month, because it's very exhausting work.

I feel wiped out, tonight.

Thanks for holding space for me, as I continue the process of achieving some level of healing in my life.

Appreciatively, ~ K.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

Tonight, I had my first session of EMDR with my transgendered therapist. It was so intense that I was yelling and experiencing a wide range of emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, rage - in some cases). I feel safe with my new therapist, but that is largely due to working on lots of other issues with my previous therapist, over the past year.

I had a very rough day today at work, so my therapy session was timely.

I don't really have any expectations for the end result of utilizing EMDR. I just know if the few sessions we have scheduled will bring about some sort of desired result, then I will count it as success. The good news, is that we only do EMDR once a month, because it's very exhausting work.

I feel wiped out, tonight.

Thanks for holding space for me, as I continue the process of achieving some level of healing in my life.

Appreciatively, ~ K.

I am so glad you have a therapist you trust!

Over the years I have found EMDR very helpful, but it is intense and takes everything out of you. At first, I was not sure it helped, but over time I can tell that the traumas we have worked on blur in my memory. I still know they are there, but they do not hurt me like they did.

I am so proud of you for doing this work and hope it brings the results you need.

Love to you!!!

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I have found EMDR very helpful, but yes, it does take everything out of me. I have to schedule it at the end of the day. Over time though, when I look back at the traumas I have had EMDR around, I can really tell that my memories are more smoothed out and blurred at the edges. Brain spotting is also very helpful. Have you had that? Its more for if you don't know what exactly is activating your PTSD. EMDR seems more event specific. I have found them both really useful.

I am glad that you went and I hope this gives you the relief you need. I am so thankful for these therapies that can help us function in the world.

Therapist has something new to try next time I go. I used to have this anger inside I could call on when I needed it. and its just gone now. Then dud groped me, I froze and my throat closed up. What the Hell? I used to be tough as nails and now I freaking freeze. Where is that girl? Where is Helga the Prison Guard? (my former nickname at work by my employees) I don't know where she is. We are going to try to find her.

From what I have been told, groper man is not longer at church and they are supposed to have a meeting after church this Sunday to discuss changes in personnel. So I plan to go and see what happens. I have good support I can sit with. I really hope I can get back to it being a safe place for me.

OK, and on the subject of safe places...it just seems daunting and impossible to remove PTSD trigger occurrences. As well as I try to be.

Anyways, love to all of you!

Yeah, I'm still feeling beat from the EMDR. I was supposed to go to the dungeon tonight but I cancelled because I need to be in my own environment. Just quiet. I still feel like I need rest. The nights have been difficult with not a lot of sleep but my mood is generally ok. A little anxiety and the exhaustion but otherwise good.

Last time I did EMDR I did find it ultimately helpful.

I've never heard of brain spotting. I'm glad your therapist has something new that should help you get through this tough incident. I hate losing my anger and fire because of a trigger. I hope you get it back!!

And yes, thank Goddess for these therapist's that help us navigate the world. I really like and trust mine.

I'm so glad that asshole is leaving your church. And that there will be a meeting and that you have good support for it. Sounds like your church is taking this whole thing seriously which gives me heart.

Hope the meeting goes well. Love back to you!!!!

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

Tonight, I had my first session of EMDR with my transgendered therapist. It was so intense that I was yelling and experiencing a wide range of emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, rage - in some cases). I feel safe with my new therapist, but that is largely due to working on lots of other issues with my previous therapist, over the past year.

I had a very rough day today at work, so my therapy session was timely.

I don't really have any expectations for the end result of utilizing EMDR. I just know if the few sessions we have scheduled will bring about some sort of desired result, then I will count it as success. The good news, is that we only do EMDR once a month, because it's very exhausting work.

I feel wiped out, tonight.

Thanks for holding space for me, as I continue the process of achieving some level of healing in my life.

Appreciatively, ~ K.

Yes, I found my session of EMDR very intense as well. Lots of feelings came up for me and I'm still drained, like I said.

I'm glad you have a therapist you can trust to do this work with. I probably will not be doing EMDR every week either because it really is that intense.

Big sisterly femme hugs!

Oh! I wanted to mention I got a lot of emotions kind of "stuck," that I couldn't get out. Like, I really wanted a good crying jag but nothing would come out. So I'm working on a painting of my adult self with my child self in my safe space. It's going really well.

[Apocalipstic]

This morning I was going to church, I was happy groper man would not be there. I was getting ready and something said....don't. I don't know if I can go back. UGH. I thought I had found a supportive home. I'm sad. And while I know I had nothing to do with groper's behavior, I feel ashamed and guilty. Well, Groper is back there. I am so glad I did not go today, that I listened to my gut.
Church has always failed me, but I thought maybe this one would be good for me. I may look for another, IDK. Maybe Unitarian.
I am exhausted from being so hyper alert.
Rambling.
Kinda lost. Vaca starts Weds for long weekend. Yay.