Trans and Relationship's

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Sam

I have so many things going on in my mind and im curious.

For the Single trans guys out there, do you have issues from the Community telling you to look outside your "gay community" for a relationship?

Do you get bashed because you date within your community?

Conversation has it, we should not be dating lesbian's, femme women inside our community. I disagree, because some transguy's stay within the community. NOT all date straight women.

I just dont agree on this subject.

How do you feel? Simple conversation, not a community bashing thread.

No nit picking. Just curious.

Originally Posted by Linus

Perhaps this may be a worthwhile separate thread to start, Dylan.

I've bolded the parts that make me feel it's right on target with the conversation and OP

Queers (queer trans people) are often told they *should* be dating straight people...even if the GLBTQ community is theirs too.

Queer transpeople are also told how to act in the GLBTQ community ("You shouldn't be dating SoAndSo"/"You shouldn't be seeking a partner here"/etc)

Yet, the same rules don't apply for cis queers


I Think It's Right In Line With The Conversation,
Dylan

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I've bolded the parts that make me feel it's right on target with the conversation and OP

Queers (queer trans people) are often told they *should* be dating straight people...even if the GLBTQ community is theirs too.

Queer transpeople are also told how to act in the GLBTQ community ("You shouldn't be dating SoAndSo"/"You shouldn't be seeking a partner here"/etc)

Yet, the same rules don't apply for cis queers


I Think It's Right In Line With The Conversation,
Dylan

Sorry. I wasn't clear.

Yes, it's on topic but I'm thinking it may be an interesting discussion in a larger scheme beyond dating.

[PapaC]

Be Yourself. If you feel like you need to ask permission within a community for allowances...
expect someone to say no.

But then, I didn't find like I was turned into an instant pariah after that (gasp) one shot of T coursed into my veins and I became a big bad man and all.

it's a complex situation, sure, but when you look for complex situations, you usually find them.

[The Oopster]

[/SIZE]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I find it interesting that trans people are not only told they are not part of the glbTq community, but they're also then told how to act/acceptable terms/whom they may partner with/etc when they are in the glbTq

Yet the same 'rules' are not expected when the glbq's are in the T community

This isn't a retort towards you June...honest. I'm talking about the OP.

I have definitely been told I whom I 'should' be dating. We have all been told how we 'should' act in this community. We've all seen those who don't 'behave' excommunicated. It's just funny to me that trans ppl are often seen as 'guests' of the glbq community who can be easily discarded if they don't abide by the 'rules' even though we've helped the glbq community forever. Yet never once have I seen a cis glbq ask about their behavior when in T space...it's almost just an assumption that glbq's 'should' be welcome.

It's just funny to me


In A Not HaHa Way,
Dylan

I guess I feel fortunated that i don't feel bound to any community I just go where I feel like I fit. Maybe part of that is due to never really being in the "gay" part of the community ... i Passed go and went right to Jail (the butch-femme community) Even at that I've gotten a lot of support from the Butch-femme community but it's just part of my world. It's the same with the transgender community. I have other transgendered people in my world but my whole life isn't centered on it. Even in recovery it's part of my life and a huge part that I bring into the rest of my life but i'm not sequestered in it.

It's weird for the most part I can't think of feeling I've been told to act or be or date a certain person/way. Or maybe i've gotten better at not caring what other people think and just haven't realized .... hmmmm. Again I wonder if that's due to not being centered in one world.

Originally Posted by June

Dylan -- You can retort back to me! And I do get what you are saying, I have seen that as well.

For me, when I am in this space, I operate on the assumption that we are all willing participants in the same broader community that we all create here. Not the .com, the people who choose to engage here. That may very well be coming from a place of Femme Privilege for me, I am a Femme in the Butch/Femme Spectrum. No one ever questions why I am here. (Well, perhaps some people wish I would sit down and shut up, but that's a whole 'nother issue!).

Yes, certain behaviors are called into question. For instance, it is well documented that I am not a fan of "I'm so Butch/Femme/Male that I never..." or if a man comes here and says "I'm only interested in straight women", that's problematic for me *here*. Now, if I was sitting across the table from a Transman and he said "I am only interested in straight women" that is different to me, because we are not necessarily in Queer Space. If I was single, and dating or thinking about dating said Man and they said that to me, I would be pretty affronted and probably respond with "Then baby, you are barking up the wrong tree, I'm not straight and even if we dated, I wouldn't be straight". That is me. I know that there are Femmes out there who have partnered with Transmen who do now consider themselves straight.

I hope that I have not come across as "telling" someone who they should or should not partner with, or beyond moderation, telling anyone how they should behave here. I am totally not snarking or yanking your chain when I ask you now for examples, because I think I know, but I don't want to presume I do for sure.

Originally Posted by Dylan

So, let me ask you then.

In re: to the part I've bolded.

A) If a cis woman comes on the site, IDs as queer, but is married to a cis-man, and has no interest in dating ANYONE (because she's happily partnered to her cismale partner)...do you have a problem with her being on the site?

I ask, because I don't consider whom someone is attracted to as relevant to how they ID for themselves, and whether or not that attraction makes or breaks their queerdom. What about butches who date other butches and aren't into femmes at all? Can they still be here? Or are they also an issue.

B) Does whomever One is attracted TO make or break their queer card? In other words, is One's queer identity dependent upon whomever they're interested in? Ergo, is one still queer if One dates, NO ONE?

C) Do YOU believe het people can be queer?


I'm Having A Hard Time Wording Exactly What I Want To Say, So I Lettered...Not Being Curt Or Terse,
Dylan

I'm also thinking maybe some of the stuff blows in and out of one ear because of my motives for being. It's weird to hear everyone talking how who they would date as being a qualifier for being on this site. I may or may not find someone to date on this site, I may find them in a straight bar, at the glbtqi(and I know I have to be missing some letters) center, or just walking down the street.

I come on this site to get support in being whatever person I'm finding myself to become and to give support to others to freely become the person they are suppose to be.

I've stated this other places before that when it comes to dating I hope to not limit myself to just one arena. One arena could be this site, this community, the straight community, the lesbian community, etc... I hope that I can allow myself to be open enough that I won't miss the wonderful person that is suppose to be part of my life. Likewise I hope that person will be open enough to give me a chance and not put limits on who they are looking for.