The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[SuperFemme]

[quote=violaine;151949]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Ms Apoca I am gonna jump off your post.

So what does one do when you have made it clear, a THOUSAND times with patience, with kindness and the person still does not respect those boundaries?

Do I just chalk it up to the fact they have a disability and they are gonna use that as an excuse time and time again?

Curious how you would handle this cause I don't have a soft buffer like yourself?

TheLadySnow

i was thinking apocalipstic's post was really good [to me] about her ability to understand posts, over the years, which may have been written by DA, and NT moderated.

your question, although it's to apocalipstic, i would like to respond to, please. in my own experiences, i could ask the very same thing about NT's who disrespect boundaries time and time again- do i chalk it up to being the 'majority?"

this is very interesting, because i sometimes have wondered if NT's notice certain things, which can get lost during my translation to someone not on the spectrum, whenever i try to explain what i just heard and/or saw - and these NT words/behaviours can happen rapid-fire.

What is an NT?
What do you mean by "being the majority"?

[christie]

[quote=SuperFemme;151952]

Originally Posted by violaine

What is an NT?
What do you mean by "being the majority"?

NT = Neuro-Typical

[SuperFemme]

[quote=christie0918;151956]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

NT = Neuro-Typical

ah. thank you

[Corkey]

Neuro typical are the majority of people with brains that function in a typical fashion. I hate using normal, cause there are all kinds of normal.

[SuperFemme]

I think that there is a darned good system in place to deal with NT people that don't "follow the rules". I hear what you are saying but I don't want to get too far sidetracked into how NT people are assholes too and "get away" with it. I think it detracts from what we are talking about here.

We are a self policed community here, and how "we" choose to deal with each other is super important.

What I am exploring here is fair and equitable treatment for people who are differently abled, and how maybe we have a different set of expectations sometimes.

[violaine]

[QUOTE=SuperFemme;151967]What I am exploring here is fair and equitable treatment for people who are differently abled, and how maybe we have a different set of expectations sometimes.

yes, and i am DA, and am participating in this thread topic as such, addressing the very same thing - fairness - from every angle.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I think that there is a darned good system in place to deal with NT people that don't "follow the rules". I hear what you are saying but I don't want to get too far sidetracked into how NT people are assholes too and "get away" with it. I think it detracts from what we are talking about here.

We are a self policed community here, and how "we" choose to deal with each other is super important.

What I am exploring here is fair and equitable treatment for people who are differently abled, and how maybe we have a different set of expectations sometimes.

Is it bad to have a different set of expectations? In all respect, I am not trying to be negative.

I agree that pity is bad, and treating with kid gloves is bad....but what about different types of communication where someone might read like an asshole to the average person, when really they are not trying to be an asshole at all?

I have pretty much stopped mentioning when someone is AS as an explanation for behavior because the answer always is..."so and so is not stupid", then I feel stupid for even bringing it up because the post was clear as day to me as not assholish and I must be stupid to be able to understand it clearly.

The difference between many people who are Autistic and on the Spectrum is that we don't see ourselves as having a disability. We see ourselves as having a different way of being which some of us even see as being superior (hence the problem I think)...and I know this can cause anger in Neurotypical people. I have experienced it myself.

Heck NO I don't want pity, but I don't want to be like everyone else either, except for maybe you SuperFemme! xoxoxxo

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Is it bad to have a different set of expectations? In all respect, I am not trying to be negative.

I agree that pity is bad, and treating with kid gloves is bad....but what about different types of communication where someone might read like an asshole to the average person, when really they are not trying to be an asshole at all?

I have pretty much stopped mentioning when someone is AS as an explanation for behavior because the answer always is..."so and so is not stupid", then I feel stupid for even bringing it up because the post was clear as day to me as not assholish and I must be stupid to be able to understand it clearly.

The difference between many people who are Autistic and on the Spectrum is that we don't see ourselves as having a disability. We see ourselves as having a different way of being which some of us even see as being superior (hence the problem I think)...and I know this can cause anger in Neurotypical people. I have experienced it myself.

Heck NO I don't want pity, but I don't want to be like everyone else either, except for maybe you SuperFemme! xoxoxxo

I am not talking about expectations, although I do think that if we are going to take the time to understand and communicate with people of different abilities that we can take an extra moment and give that same consideration to NT people too if we want to.

I am speaking to a different set of rules/consequences. Really, even if consequences are on a case by case basis (which isn't a bad thing and is my understanding this happens across the board here by mods/owners) at then end of the day are the rules different?

If so, then how is that empowering and a positive thing?

I don't have autism/AS so I don't really know what things look like for somebody that does. Since you know maybe you can tell me if you would feel ok with having a different set of rules than the rest of the world?

Because I am super interested in hearing from ALL kinds of differently abled people.

If someone doesn't consider themselves as such, I respect that. Who am I to label? As for you bringing it up and the response being "that person is not stupid"? That is not a response from a person who wants to communicate. That is a response from a person who is deeply invested in being "right".

I get pretty fumed at the expectation of stupidity in relation to being differently abled. I want to punch people that say "You're so smart, I'd never know you had a TBI".

Instead? I try to educate. If it's a moot point, I don't try very hard.

[Apocalipstic]

Ah, now I get it! Rules.

No, I do not think there should be a different set of rules. The TOS is clearly stated.

Do I think we should try a little harder to understand each other? Yes! I know there is not a word for phobia or an "ism" for people on the spectrum, but I see it in action by well meaning people like we do racism, sexism, DAism, sizeism, etc.

We hold to what is familiar.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I am not talking about expectations, although I do think that if we are going to take the time to understand and communicate with people of different abilities that we can take an extra moment and give that same consideration to NT people too if we want to.

I am speaking to a different set of rules/consequences. Really, even if consequences are on a case by case basis (which isn't a bad thing and is my understanding this happens across the board here by mods/owners) at then end of the day are the rules different?

If so, then how is that empowering and a positive thing?

I don't have autism/AS so I don't really know what things look like for somebody that does. Since you know maybe you can tell me if you would feel ok with having a different set of rules than the rest of the world?

Because I am super interested in hearing from ALL kinds of differently abled people.

If someone doesn't consider themselves as such, I respect that. Who am I to label? As for you bringing it up and the response being "that person is not stupid"? That is not a response from a person who wants to communicate. That is a response from a person who is deeply invested in being "right".

I get pretty fumed at the expectation of stupidity in relation to being differently abled. I want to punch people that say "You're so smart, I'd never know you had a TBI".

Instead? I try to educate. If it's a moot point, I don't try very hard.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I am not talking about expectations, although I do think that if we are going to take the time to understand and communicate with people of different abilities that we can take an extra moment and give that same consideration to NT people too if we want to.

I am speaking to a different set of rules/consequences. Really, even if consequences are on a case by case basis (which isn't a bad thing and is my understanding this happens across the board here by mods/owners) at then end of the day are the rules different?

If so, then how is that empowering and a positive thing?

I don't have autism/AS so I don't really know what things look like for somebody that does. Since you know maybe you can tell me if you would feel ok with having a different set of rules than the rest of the world?

Because I am super interested in hearing from ALL kinds of differently abled people.

If someone doesn't consider themselves as such, I respect that. Who am I to label? As for you bringing it up and the response being "that person is not stupid"? That is not a response from a person who wants to communicate. That is a response from a person who is deeply invested in being "right".

I get pretty fumed at the expectation of stupidity in relation to being differently abled. I want to punch people that say "You're so smart, I'd never know you had a TBI".

Instead? I try to educate. If it's a moot point, I don't try very hard.

PS, and I appologize if I sounded like NT people are assholes too! Some of my best friends are NT's. Ha!

Everyone can be an asshole.

And maybe, on further reflection that is the point you are making? No passes for being an asshole no matter what your deal or excuse might be?

Because if so? I agree 100% as long as we are making completely sure the person is indeed an asshole (like Balloon Boy's dad, apparently )

[MrSunshine]

Passes. I don't get them or give them.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I think that there is a darned good system in place to deal with NT people that don't "follow the rules". I hear what you are saying but I don't want to get too far sidetracked into how NT people are assholes too and "get away" with it. I think it detracts from what we are talking about here.

We are a self policed community here, and how "we" choose to deal with each other is super important.

What I am exploring here is fair and equitable treatment for people who are differently abled, and how maybe we have a different set of expectations sometimes.

Thanks for this thread. I will be back to participate later. Gotta get some household stuff done, today!

My 30 year old great-nephew will soon be living close to me as he enters graduate school. He is not only a young man born with V.A.T.E.R.'s Syndrome (also known as V.A.C.T.E.R.L. syndrome) with life-long physical ramifications, hospitalizations and surgeries. He also also deals with Asperger's syndrome.

Will be good to be able to read some things, here, I believe.

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/...ex/g/VATER.htm

[Corkey]

Sometimes I think it does take being repetitive, to the point of pulling ones hair out. Some just don't have the capacity to remember the social cues that the rest of us NT's take for granted. I know my wife has to go thru this on a daily basis when she is at work, and that is with NT folks, not just the individuals she has to take care of. Do they get a pass, no because their behavior is still in question and it is addressed. I do think personally that NT folks have a greater responsibility for patience. Or not, this requires one remove the offending person from their life.