Stone Butches

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Converse

Some really interesting posts, thank you for the insight. And it leads me to my next question…

...It made me think about those who have no exposure to Butch-Femme dynamics, and how because of a fear of rejection by their peer group, suppress and yearn in silence.... So, can someone id as an androgynous presenting "stone" lesbian, and find interest from a stonefemme?
.

No problems here. Presenting as androgynous wouldn't exclude a person from consideration for me. Not being a leather top would be a deal breaker, though.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

Ooooh, i LIKE this thought!

This sounds to me like perhaps the youth and inexperience of this individual's partners caused them to behave selfishly or perhaps a bit immaturely in this case.

Yes I think you may be correct- youth is probably one of the contributing factors to the dilemma.

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

That being said, I feel I can only speak from experience when I say I, as a femme, would have no problem dating an androgynous individual who self identifies as stone.

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

No problems here. Presenting as androgynous wouldn't exclude a person from consideration for me. Not being a leather top would be a deal breaker, though.

This is interesting. So should I read this to mean that it is “Stone” rather than “Butch” that is the more relevant?

I wonder if a similar perception exists for Stone Butches i.e. that the “femme” is secondary to the “stone”, that the two words are separable- allowing Stone to be attached to any ID, gender etc while still retaining its attraction.

[ScandalAndy]

I wouldn't necessarily say that either is more relevant than the other. There are some femmes who would prefer butch to androgyne regardless of stone identity, as well as some femmes whose preference require that their partner identify as stone.

Since this is a question that you are posing to femmes, I would have to assume that majority of those responding are attracted to butches or masculine-identified partners. Androgynes would, therefore, be viewed through the lens of masculinity, I believe. For instance, I personally would be okay with dating an androgynous partner because I do not see them as being firmly identified with femininity or the femme identity.

I think it is possible to separate all labels and use them as we see fit.

Originally Posted by Converse

This is interesting. So should I read this to mean that it is “Stone” rather than “Butch” that is the more relevant?

I wonder if a similar perception exists for Stone Butches i.e. that the “femme” is secondary to the “stone”, that the two words are separable- allowing Stone to be attached to any ID, gender etc while still retaining its attraction.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

I wouldn't necessarily say that either is more relevant than the other. There are some femmes who would prefer butch to androgyne regardless of stone identity, as well as some femmes whose preference require that their partner identify as stone.

Since this is a question that you are posing to femmes, I would have to assume that majority of those responding are attracted to butches or masculine-identified partners. Androgynes would, therefore, be viewed through the lens of masculinity, I believe. For instance, I personally would be okay with dating an androgynous partner because I do not see them as being firmly identified with femininity or the femme identity.

I think it is possible to separate all labels and use them as we see fit.

Ok I get that- please don’t take my follow up question as being a criticism – merely honest curiosity and it comes from the context of discussions that were had towards the beginning of this thread- which implied that the identity isn’t just about adding the word Stone to Butch to describe preferences in the bedroom, but in fact- was thought to be, by some (myself included), a way to describe a more holistic approach in the way that one related to the world at large.

For those of us who ascribe to the third gender belief, using “stone” with all of its assumed attributes to describe those who do not consider themselves part of the Butch- Femme community- raises some thought provoking questions.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Converse

This is interesting. So should I read this to mean that it is “Stone” rather than “Butch” that is the more relevant?

I wonder if a similar perception exists for Stone Butches i.e. that the “femme” is secondary to the “stone”, that the two words are separable- allowing Stone to be attached to any ID, gender etc while still retaining its attraction.

I'm attracted to butch women. Very butch women. I'm unlikely to pay much attention to a suitor who is not butch, but if a more androgynous lesbian were to pursue me, and she turned out to be both stone and a sadistic leather top, I might get interested.

My peculiar history of loss informs my choice in this. My late partner was not stone, and didn't ID as butch when she met me. Until then, she had been strenuously suppressing her naturally masculine nature. When she met me she was encouraged to express it for the first time. Ever. Eventually she became quite comfortable, and WOW! was she ever butch! Throughout that relationship I was as ignorant as I could be about my own stonefemme boundaries. I suffered from tremendous guilt after she died. Once I found out this very important thing about myself, I decided that it would be a very bad idea to date a non-stone butch because my guilt around her dissatisfaction is still profound. My late partner presented as kinda androgynous when she met me, but the other required elements were in place. Once she was allowed to be butch, it just flowed naturally.

My late gf, (yes, I lost my gf after I lost my partner), had always IDed as butch, and was nearly stone. That was AWESOME! Of course a stone butch leather top a lot like her would be a natural fit for me, but I wouldn't rule out an androgynous lesbian who is stone, because my experience tells me that it could end up working for me.

[Electrocell]

Androgynous -------I'm thinking neither femme or masculine (genderless ). Correct me if I'm wrong . How would you describe androgynous?

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

Androgynous -------I'm thinking neither femme or masculine (genderless ). Correct me if I'm wrong . How would you describe androgynous?

The combination/presence of both male & female characteristics & qualities. Personally, I find it (and genderfluidity/queerness) to be a huge turn on.

[cuddlyfemme]

Just popping in to say Good Morning to all the handsome Stone Butches. Its one day closer to the weekend!!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

[Midnight]

Alas I will be working Sat. But I hope all the lovely femmes out there have a great weekend, I know I'll make up for missing Saturday on Sunday!