Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Now I'm certainly not trying to answer for anybody who is not me, but the OP -did- thank the post where atomiczombie pointed out that this thread is likely in the femme zone for a reason.

Yeah, I can speak for myself.

I thanked atomiczombie for hys post because I appreciated the sensitivity hy showed by realizing that this thread was posted in the Femme Zone, and as such, maybe it would be more appropriate for the discussion to take place among femmes only. I don't agree or disagree, I just wanted to thank hym for recognizing that it might be an issue for some folks.

As for me, this isn't my site, and I'm not interested in policing the thread. If others feel that this thread is best left to femmes only, I trust that they'll take that up with the site admins. I don't have a horse in this race one way or the other.

[lettertodaddy]

I also want to say without appearing flip that the only reason I posted this in the Femme zone was because the article was because it was from the POV of a femme involved with a transman. I don't want it to seem like I did it to exclude other voices or contributions, but that considering the subject and perspective, the Femme Zone seemed like the best place to post it.

[Words]

Blue isn't a transman but Hy's had top surgery and is on T, neither of which would have been possible were it not for Hys regular visits to a London based gender clinic.

The worst part of the whole experience from my point of view (apart from the awful mood swings that I put down to Blue being on the wrong medication)? Receiving a copy of the letter sent by the gender clinic psychologist to O/our family doctor and realizing that the most intimate details of my relationship with Blue in general and O/our sex life in particular were now no longer private. I was angry with the psychologist, I was angry with the system that made sharing the information a necessity, and for a time, yes, I was very resentful of the fact that no one - including Blue - had sought my permission to talk about things that related to my life as much as they related to Blue's (I still question the ethics of this and honestly feel that somewhere along the line, my permission should have been sought.)

Apart from that, no complaints whatsoever (apart from the 'man sweat' socks - those are nasty)

Words

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Words

The worst part of the whole experience from my point of view. Receiving a copy of the letter sent by the gender clinic psychologist to O/our family doctor and realizing that the most intimate details of my relationship with Blue in general and O/our sex life in particular were now no longer private. I was angry with the psychologist, I was angry with the system that made sharing the information a necessity

My husband and I have been looking into fertility treatment. I didn't realise the moment I told my gynaecologist that my husband was transsexual, we lost our right to privacy. It was awful and I felt violated, receiving copies of the letters she had written regarding our treatment and my husbands transsexuality. It's an endless journey my friend

[DapperButch]

Just an FYI. I didn't realize this thread existed until it just came up to the front page:

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...read.php?t=976

I haven't read this thread but I hope it is a place that is safe for partners to about their difficulties with their partner transitioning.

[iamkeri1]

Originally Posted by Quintease

My husband and I have been looking into fertility treatment. I didn't realise the moment I told my gynaecologist that my husband was transsexual, we lost our right to privacy. It was awful and I felt violated, receiving copies of the letters she had written regarding our treatment and my husbands transsexuality. It's an endless journey my friend

The worst part of this is that the therapist often exaggerates (on paper)problems in a transpersons life since the more f'd up they are, the more likely they are to get insurance coverage for their transition. This exaggeration is then passed on, possibly endlessly, sending the impression of "malfunction" in the T person's life and relationship ahead of them to any treatment situation. My husband was the most loving, generous, stable, "normal" person you could hope to meet, yet his psych chart made him read like a paycho, LOL.

A piece of advice for those of you seeking fertility assistance. Unless you already have children, INSIST on having tests done to assure your own fertility before you submit to artificial insemination.

The women in my family have had many fertility issues. Two of my Aunts wre unable to conceive at all, My Mother had seven miscarriages and two live births, and the one fertile Aunt had eight live births, but also eight miscarriages. I brought this up with every doctor I saw, and also said I had never become pregnant in my earlier straight life, (short though it was!) NOOOOO! they wouldn't do any fertility tests, even though my periods were irregular and there was not much of a temperature change throughout my cycle. I endured many months of insemination and disappointment and EXPENSE.

Finally the third doctor I worked with agreed to do testing. Turned out both fallopian tubes were fully blocked and there was no possible way I could conceive without surgery. The surgery would produce only a 15% chance of conceiving, with a 50% chance of ectopic pregnancy. The low possible success rate, I could face, but not the ectopc pregnancy. To spend years trying to conceive (there is no way I could describe to you how stressful and emotionally painful this was), only to have to terminate the pregnancy in order to save my own life? No I could not face that. So we took some time to recover emotionally, and then we adopted (out of the foster care system.)

Blessings to all of you, and your partners as well.

Smooches,
Keri

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

A piece of advice for those of you seeking fertility assistance. Unless you already have children, INSIST on having tests done to assure your own fertility before you submit to artificial insemination.

In the UK fertility tests for both partners are mandatory if you have any kind of fertility issue. My hubby doesn't even have a sperm count but they STILL sent him off for a health check. If the paperwork isn't done then you do not get your treatment. That fact annoyed me, right up until I read your post. Now I am grateful.

[iamkeri1]

Originally Posted by Quintease

In the UK fertility tests for both partners are mandatory if you have any kind of fertility issue. My hubby doesn't even have a sperm count but they STILL sent him off for a health check. If the paperwork isn't done then you do not get your treatment. That fact annoyed me, right up until I read your post. Now I am grateful.

QT
I hadn't read your post till now. I'm glad my words helped ease your annoyance. It's so wonderful that you have health care available for your treatments. Good luck sweetie. Hope you are soon bouncing your sweet baby (gently, LOL) on your lap.
Smooches from the USA
Keri