What is Forgiveness?

[Blade]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not something to force on people
like unwanted coffee.
It is only appropriate to forgive people who ask
for forgiveness
And show with their behavior that they want it.

It is never appropriate to shove forgiveness on people
who haven't asked
And show no signs of wanting it
or demonstrate just the opposite.

It's been said, forgiving was to help you feel better.
It doesn't.
Letting go of resentments makes you feel better.
Making amends to the people you've hurt,
Cleaning up your side of the street makes you feel better.

Keeping an open mind and heart will make you ready
for the possibility of someone coming to make amends.
Forgiveness is a two way street.
Anything you have to throw over someone like a net
is usually a mistake.

Interesting thoughts on forgiveness here. Some I haven't thought about. Makes sense that you'd not entertain the idea of forgiving someone unless they asked for it. But rather let go of the resentments and sweep ya own porch is about all you really can do sometimes. Especially since much of the time someone doesn't even acknowledge that anything has been done to be forgiven for.

Originally Posted by Liquefaction

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that forgiving yourself, others, or asking for forgiveness does not undo any of the wrongs that were committed, intentional or not.

I have forgiven others for actions that I will never understand, (some things are beyond reason) but as I found out recently I still carry the memories and emotions with me. I wonder if there is still more for me to learn?

Finally, asking for forgiveness is never easy! As the years pass, I have learned that it takes a much stronger person to look someone in the eye and say "I was wrong." and ask for forgiveness than to pretend I did nothing wrong or trying to find the closest rock to hide under. Humility is a hard lesson to learn!

I find it hard to forgive for things or actions I don't understand. Understanding has a lot to do with communication and many don't know how to communicate. They hear but they don't listen.

Humility and being humbled, IS a hard lesson to learn. I think sometimes we may hurt someone and not even realize it, or not realize it at the time,therefore don't ask for forgiveness. Then perhaps we have relinquished our possibility to have any type of relationship with the person involved.

[Apocalipstic]

Forgiveness is a tough issue form me.

I am not even sure what it is.

I get someone doing something bad, apologizing and being forgiven. That is easy, no matter how bad things were.

What I am trying to learn to do is forgive when no regret, apology or even acknowledgment of wrong exists. When I can't even remember all that happened. When thinking about it at all nauseates me.

Thank you for the tread and the discussion. I will be back .

[Blade]

Sometimes we have to forgive or ask to be forgiven for things we or someone hasn't done or said. This is tricky too. How does someone know they need to ask forgiveness if they don't know they've done anything wrong. In this case I think we hold those we are in love with more accountable than we do others. Usually these might be "the small stuff" but to some people the small stuff is BIG. And harbored animosity over events or non events as it may be can build and build and build and never be resolved because person A doesn't have any idea that they hurt person B, and person B just walks away.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Blade

Sometimes we have to forgive or ask to be forgiven for things we or someone hasn't done or said. This is tricky too. How does someone know they need to ask forgiveness if they don't know they've done anything wrong. In this case I think we hold those we are in love with more accountable than we do others. Usually these might be "the small stuff" but to some people the small stuff is BIG. And harbored animosity over events or non events as it may be can build and build and build and never be resolved because person A doesn't have any idea that they hurt person B, and person B just walks away.

I used to just walk away if person B hurt me...now if I really care about them, I tell them and we discuss it.

It have been a really good change for me.

[Blade]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I used to just walk away if person B hurt me...now if I really care about them, I tell them and we discuss it.

It have been a really good change for me.

Certainly that is the best thing to do. I know a lot of people just shut down and you don't know why. Communication IS the key to success in any type of relationship for sure.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Blade

Certainly that is the best thing to do. I know a lot of people just shut down and you don't know why. Communication IS the key to success in any type of relationship for sure.

I used to be so like that. I would never say a word, but the resentment would build. I would assume the person knew how to act and they didn't.

Until I learned this, I was unable to have a good relationship. It is one of the most imortant things I have ever learned.

Great thread!

[BornBronson]

Forgiveness to me is forgetting all about it..plain and simple.Like it was yesterday,and sometimes it is.That's for all nonsense stuff.

Now if it was me who did something wrong,then I definitely would like to sit down and talk about it.It's not good to go around being so angry at me and I don't even have a clue why I made you so angry.Silence never solves anything and it never works for me..cause if i'm angry you'll know it.I tend to shout when i'm angry...and loudly.I'm talking about when i'm face to face with someone,not online.Online it's hard for me to get angry at anyone.