Poly Relationships

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by kannon

I think he would have been okay with the arrangement if he had continued to feel in control of her emotions and behavior.

That. That is not necessarily poly IMO. It is not allowing someone the freedom to be with other people. It is a form of monogamy, only allowing one's partner to have experiences which can be chaperoned and monitored by yourself.

I understand that she wanted things that her boyfriend would not allow, so their relationship suffered. Had he allowed her to make her own decisions, find her own way, he may have kept her and the relationship intact. Instead he pulled and she resisted, until eventually the ties snapped.

You cannot help developing feelings when building a relationship with someone else. Having an open and honest polyamorous relationship means acknowledging that feelings will happen and being ready to confront it openly and honestly. Affection born of a secondary or sexual relationship may indicate that your relationship is in trouble or they may mean nothing at all, just a natural result of intimacy. Liking someone, caring for someone, missing someone, wanting to see someone, doesn't necessarily equate to wanting to run off and build a home with someone.

I think if you want to try polyamory, so as to bring excitement, new partners and new sexual experiences into the relationship, then you also have to be ready to face any resulting fears and jealousy that it will bring up.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Quintease

That. That is not necessarily poly IMO. It is not allowing someone the freedom to be with other people. It is a form of monogamy, only allowing one's partner to have experiences which can be chaperoned and monitored by yourself.

I understand that she wanted things that her boyfriend would not allow, so their relationship suffered. Had he allowed her to make her own decisions, find her own way, he may have kept her and the relationship intact. Instead he pulled and she resisted, until eventually the ties snapped.

You cannot help developing feelings when building a relationship with someone else. Having an open and honest polyamorous relationship means acknowledging that feelings will happen and being ready to confront it openly and honestly. Affection born of a secondary or sexual relationship may indicate that your relationship is in trouble or they may mean nothing at all, just a natural result of intimacy. Liking someone, caring for someone, missing someone, wanting to see someone, doesn't necessarily equate to wanting to run off and build a home with someone.

I think if you want to try polyamory, so as to bring excitement, new partners and new sexual experiences into the relationship, then you also have to be ready to face any resulting fears and jealousy that it will bring up.

yes excitement and new always feel great, so of course the attachment can be intoxicating..he may very well have wanted to "control" the situation, I don't personally see much wrong with that, as certain boundaries a primary is entitled to..ultimatums (however) are usually toxic to any relationship even if she had stayed..but she chose to leave and hopefully is happier..but I don't think the primary did anything wrong, his boundaries were crossed and he felt disrespected..and took an extreme measure, maybe hastily, but understandable.