Poly Relationships

[Ms. Meander]

(or maybe you saw it coming a mile away)

I've been talking about the fact that some challenges have been arising and I have been utilizing them as opportunities for growth. The truth is, the source all of the difficulties has been one lover in particular, and what they've really turned out to be are red flags. Ironically, she is the established, experienced polyamorist of the group. When we first starting seeing each other, I did not take her entirely seriously when she told me she was a jealous and possessive person (how could she be and successfully maintain multiple relationships?). I laughed and said, "well, being poly must give you a lot of opportunities to work on that". Turned out not to be amusing and now it is my fault for not listening. She also has a very structured and rigid approach to relationships. There are rules and you follow them. Any bad feelings that occur as a result don't matter or count as long as the rules were technically followed, and I saw this mostly in her relationship with her primary partner who was freaking out since before I entered the picture and really lost it once my lover started to display intense feelings for me. They were not ok, and it did not feel ethical for me to move full steam ahead into something that was already a wreck. And I felt tremendous compassion for the primary.

There were more issues as well, and perhaps I will come back to explore them because they are mostly the very issues that turned me off to poly in my youth. I don't think all is lost, but I think I chose the wrong person, who displayed many of the traits and isms of my former unhealthy choices. We have stopped seeing each other.

Meanwhile, I've been courted by another who, like me, was exploring relationship dynamics with intention and openness. I am certain she is the most remarkable person I have ever met - the moon and the stars live in her eyes and I have never felt so humbled and aflame to be seen and recognized by such beauty. We are ridiculously in love. Hearts and flowers, rainbows and unicorns, no holds barred. I kid you not. We are so absorbed in each other that there is no room or desire for any other lovers and we have agreed to be exclusive at least for the time being. And we are open to revisiting the possibility of nonmonogamy at some point down the line. But for now, we are content in each other's arms.

And just like that, this chapter of Ms. Meander's adventures in polyamory has come to a close.

I feel like I have learned much and I am blissfully happy. Please excuse me while I savor this delicious state.

[SleepyButch]

So here I am. I'm reluctant to write in here because I'm somewhat naive when it comes to the subject but I'm going to give it a go.

What's my story in all of this? That's a good question actually...I keep asking myself the same thing. I've always been open minded when it comes to people and their preferences. I've learned a lot along the way because of this, about myself and about others.

Like others have said, I've toyed with the idea of being poly for years, even went out with a poly woman once upon a time until her Butch told her she could not longer date me. She would not tell me why.

Which brings me to this new chapter in my life. I am currently dating/getting to know a femme who is poly. I went into this knowing that she was poly and that I would not ever be her primary relationship. She knows that I don't have any experience with this type of dynamic but that I am open to exploring this with her. I am not sure if this will ultimately be good for me or not but I won't know unless I try.

What I can say is that we really get along and I can also say that I have not felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. We communicate daily about the good and the things that I am unsure about, those things that are new to me.

I do have my concerns for myself in all of this with regards to finding a primary relationship. I have always been the what if kind of guy... what if I can't find another femme who is poly, or open to my continuing to see this other person? I am not sure I'd want to give her up for someone else.

I do know that while having this relationship with her is wonderful, it will not be enough for me.

This may be a question that can't be answered but regardless my question for all of you is how do you find that other person who is poly??

[nycfem]

At times in my life when I've been doin' the poly thang, I would go to local LGBT poly meet-ups. Now I don't know if they have those everywhere or if it's only those weird New Yawkers but it was a nice way to hang out with likeminded people with various connections, etc.

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

So here I am. I'm reluctant to write in here because I'm somewhat naive when it comes to the subject but I'm going to give it a go.

What's my story in all of this? That's a good question actually...I keep asking myself the same thing. I've always been open minded when it comes to people and their preferences. I've learned a lot along the way because of this, about myself and about others.

Like others have said, I've toyed with the idea of being poly for years, even went out with a poly woman once upon a time until her Butch told her she could not longer date me. She would not tell me why.

Which brings me to this new chapter in my life. I am currently dating/getting to know a femme who is poly. I went into this knowing that she was poly and that I would not ever be her primary relationship. She knows that I don't have any experience with this type of dynamic but that I am open to exploring this with her. I am not sure if this will ultimately be good for me or not but I won't know unless I try.

What I can say is that we really get along and I can also say that I have not felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. We communicate daily about the good and the things that I am unsure about, those things that are new to me.

I do have my concerns for myself in all of this with regards to finding a primary relationship. I have always been the what if kind of guy... what if I can't find another femme who is poly, or open to my continuing to see this other person? I am not sure I'd want to give her up for someone else.

I do know that while having this relationship with her is wonderful, it will not be enough for me.

This may be a question that can't be answered but regardless my question for all of you is how do you find that other person who is poly??

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

So here I am. I'm reluctant to write in here because I'm somewhat naive when it comes to the subject but I'm going to give it a go.

What's my story in all of this? That's a good question actually...I keep asking myself the same thing. I've always been open minded when it comes to people and their preferences. I've learned a lot along the way because of this, about myself and about others.

Like others have said, I've toyed with the idea of being poly for years, even went out with a poly woman once upon a time until her Butch told her she could not longer date me. She would not tell me why.

Which brings me to this new chapter in my life. I am currently dating/getting to know a femme who is poly. I went into this knowing that she was poly and that I would not ever be her primary relationship. She knows that I don't have any experience with this type of dynamic but that I am open to exploring this with her. I am not sure if this will ultimately be good for me or not but I won't know unless I try.

What I can say is that we really get along and I can also say that I have not felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. We communicate daily about the good and the things that I am unsure about, those things that are new to me.

I do have my concerns for myself in all of this with regards to finding a primary relationship. I have always been the what if kind of guy... what if I can't find another femme who is poly, or open to my continuing to see this other person? I am not sure I'd want to give her up for someone else.

I do know that while having this relationship with her is wonderful, it will not be enough for me.

This may be a question that can't be answered but regardless my question for all of you is how do you find that other person who is poly??

Hi SleepyButch, hope you are sleeping well

Many times alternate life styles have their own language, definitions and boundaries within the "open" realm of variety being the spice of life.I love the Unique, mysterious, fluid dynamics of life, and those that can reach out and experience things that bring joy and happiness, even if for just a moment, a night and day, or more.

I pulled out the "what if I can't find another femme who is poly, or open to my continuing to see this other person? I am not sure I'd want to give her up for someone else.
and
how do you find that other person who is poly? " from your post.

Poly sometimes may be confused with multiples. I was wondering if your question is ~ will 2 poly femmes equal a more fulfilling relationship, when and if one of them is not present. Am I wingwalking, needing to hold onto one, while I have another for ~just in case?
Does your poly/femme "other/s" know about you, have they met you and have accepted you? Having your heart on your sleeve my result in a crinkled cuff. You said "give her up" , but, me thinks she has a primary, so you have no possession.

My comment for now, like nycfembbw mentioned, like anything new, searching the internet for what you are experiencing as far as acceptance, understanding, jealousy, insecurity, and the myriad of things under any "kinky" label can be heaven or hell...

And, as They say, it's only kinky the first time. Good Luck SleepyButch, jump in, the water's fine, as long as we can swim.

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by Tommi

Hi SleepyButch, hope you are sleeping well



Poly sometimes may be confused with multiples. I was wondering if your question is ~ will 2 poly femmes will equal a more fulfilling relationship, when and if one of them is not present. ?
Does your poly/femme "other/s" know about you, have they met you and have accepted you? Having your heart on your sleeve my result in a crinkled cuff. You said "give her up" , but, me thinks she has a primary, so you have no possession.

My comment for now, like nycfembbw mentioned, like anything new, searching the internet for what you are experiencing as far as acceptance, understanding, jealousy, insecurity, and the myriad of things under any "kinky" label can be heaven or hell...

And, as They say, it's only kinky the first time. Good Luck SleepyButch, jump in, the water's fine, as long as we can swim.

Thanks Tommi.

Her others know about me and are supportive of her seeing me.

When I say give her up, I mean in a sense of not seeing her anymore in exchange for dating someone who is monogamous. I do not own her nor will I ever try to own her. It's not that type of relationship.

As far as having two poly femmes equalling a more fulfilling relationship, I don't think that is the case. I would take them as being totally separate relationship. It's not that I want someone to spend time with while she is busy. That would not work for anyone involved. I am a loving, nurturing person by nature and have a lot of that to give and want to give it. I can share that with her but there are limitations/boundaries in that.

I'll have to think more on how to explain that before I write something that might be taken out of context. Like I said, this is all new to me.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

Thanks Tommi.

Her others know about me and are supportive of her seeing me.

When I say give her up, I mean in a sense of not seeing her anymore in exchange for dating someone who is monogamous. I do not own her nor will I ever try to own her. It's not that type of relationship.

As far as having two poly femmes equalling a more fulfilling relationship, I don't think that is the case. I would take them as being totally separate relationship. It's not that I want someone to spend time with while she is busy. That would not work for anyone involved. I am a loving, nurturing person by nature and have a lot of that to give and want to give it. I can share that with her but there are limitations/boundaries in that.

I'll have to think more on how to explain that before I write something that might be taken out of context. Like I said, this is all new to me.

I know what you're saying. It goes back and forth in my head and I have been in D/s poly relationships. Today I would consider it but the reality is that once I fall in love it most likely will be totally and completely. Poly would not be an option. But until that comes I can love people, share, have a great time and who knows it may go on forever, however something inside of me stirs and I know that I am yet to meet my one great love. I just feel it and I know when I do I won't see anything else.

Thanks for sharing and being so honest.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

(or maybe you saw it coming a mile away)

I've been talking about the fact that some challenges have been arising and I have been utilizing them as opportunities for growth. The truth is, the source all of the difficulties has been one lover in particular, and what they've really turned out to be are red flags. Ironically, she is the established, experienced polyamorist of the group. When we first starting seeing each other, I did not take her entirely seriously when she told me she was a jealous and possessive person (how could she be and successfully maintain multiple relationships?). I laughed and said, "well, being poly must give you a lot of opportunities to work on that". Turned out not to be amusing and now it is my fault for not listening. She also has a very structured and rigid approach to relationships. There are rules and you follow them. Any bad feelings that occur as a result don't matter or count as long as the rules were technically followed, and I saw this mostly in her relationship with her primary partner who was freaking out since before I entered the picture and really lost it once my lover started to display intense feelings for me. They were not ok, and it did not feel ethical for me to move full steam ahead into something that was already a wreck. And I felt tremendous compassion for the primary.

There were more issues as well, and perhaps I will come back to explore them because they are mostly the very issues that turned me off to poly in my youth. I don't think all is lost, but I think I chose the wrong person, who displayed many of the traits and isms of my former unhealthy choices. We have stopped seeing each other.

Meanwhile, I've been courted by another who, like me, was exploring relationship dynamics with intention and openness. I am certain she is the most remarkable person I have ever met - the moon and the stars live in her eyes and I have never felt so humbled and aflame to be seen and recognized by such beauty. We are ridiculously in love. Hearts and flowers, rainbows and unicorns, no holds barred. I kid you not. We are so absorbed in each other that there is no room or desire for any other lovers and we have agreed to be exclusive at least for the time being. And we are open to revisiting the possibility of nonmonogamy at some point down the line. But for now, we are content in each other's arms.

And just like that, this chapter of Ms. Meander's adventures in polyamory has come to a close.

I feel like I have learned much and I am blissfully happy. Please excuse me while I savor this delicious state.

Congrats! Isn't bliss heavenly?!