Mental Illness

Andrew, Jr. · 03-05-2010, 10:46 AM

For me, my boundaries are reasonable. I feel and believe certain truths. Some people I do believe, and trust in. Then there are some people who are outright liars seeking attention so they throw people under the bus to be a part of a click or group. This is both in real time and online. It is human nature. I was reminded of this by The Lady Snow and Sir Daywalker when I was talking about a Native American Indian movie I had just watched. It seems simple, but it isn't to have boundaries. It is hard. And I am sensitive, so it makes it even harder for me.

I struggle with new people who I have a new relationship with. I have no idea about their past. I am concerned with learning about them. However, if someone doesn't understand my limitations/disabilities they will not understand me.

I am more vocal online than in real time. I feel like the computer is easier for me to use. It is my voice. What is inside doesn't come out right. And some people are offended by what I say. It never is meant in a negative or nasty intention. Never.

However, lately, I feel like a misfit. I just don't belong. No matter what I say, it isn't the right words. Thank God we have Linus here. He has given us the smilies that do help me.

I have been in therapy for a number of years, but I had to stop. My therapists had exposed my sessions to my father. Now, this was long before HIPPA Rules/Laws were in effect, and other laws to protect the victims.

One of the biggest problems I have had held against me is gossip of me having multiple personalities. This was never undercovered in any of my therapy. I was just diagnosed with GID. I have my letters for srs, and hrt. That is it. It is rumors and gossip like this that piss me off. People just have too much time on their hands I think or are the ones intentionally seeking to hurt me. What they don't realize is that there are some folks here online who do have that disorder, and do seek comfort online here for that. Their unkind remarks really hurt those folks, not me. So in hurting one - me, you really hurt all of us, which is a Buddist principle, which I practice. I try to stress this but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I am not sure of why.

Apocalipstic · 03-05-2010, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

For me, my boundaries are reasonable. I feel and believe certain truths. Some people I do believe, and trust in. Then there are some people who are outright liars seeking attention so they throw people under the bus to be a part of a click or group. This is both in real time and online. It is human nature. I was reminded of this by The Lady Snow and Sir Daywalker when I was talking about a Native American Indian movie I had just watched. It seems simple, but it isn't to have boundaries. It is hard. And I am sensitive, so it makes it even harder for me.

I struggle with new people who I have a new relationship with. I have no idea about their past. I am concerned with learning about them. However, if someone doesn't understand my limitations/disabilities they will not understand me.

I am more vocal online than in real time. I feel like the computer is easier for me to use. It is my voice. What is inside doesn't come out right. And some people are offended by what I say. It never is meant in a negative or nasty intention. Never.

However, lately, I feel like a misfit. I just don't belong. No matter what I say, it isn't the right words. Thank God we have Linus here. He has given us the smilies that do help me.

I have been in therapy for a number of years, but I had to stop. My therapists had exposed my sessions to my father. Now, this was long before HIPPA Rules/Laws were in effect, and other laws to protect the victims.

One of the biggest problems I have had held against me is gossip of me having multiple personalities. This was never undercovered in any of my therapy. I was just diagnosed with GID. I have my letters for srs, and hrt. That is it. It is rumors and gossip like this that piss me off. People just have too much time on their hands I think or are the ones intentionally seeking to hurt me. What they don't realize is that there are some folks here online who do have that disorder, and do seek comfort online here for that. Their unkind remarks really hurt those folks, not me. So in hurting one - me, you really hurt all of us, which is a Buddist principle, which I practice. I try to stress this but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I am not sure of why.

I really do wonder if it's the neurological differences that account for most of this Andrew. I don't get it either.

I too am amazed at some of the lies I see...not on this website, but in real life. Lies and secrets. I am not even good at feelings, and some of it seems so blaringly obvious.

I am very sensitive too and have always been. My meds help, but I think we are similar in that regard.

I can't even imgine how it must have feel for your therapists to not have kept your confidence. A doctor once told my father some stuff and I am still not over it. The feeling of no privacy or betrayal. I am so sorry this happened to you. Do know that if you return to therapy no one can say a word of it at the cost of their careers.

Andrew, Jr. · 03-05-2010, 11:16 AM

Oh yes, I know that now. I think it was a darn shame, and I know that the therapist that did this to me is now well aware of what she did to me. I showed up at her office after a beating. I wanted her to see for herself what the result was of her conversation w/my father. She will live with that image for the remainder of her life.

I am glad you understand. I just feel...so very alone. I am tired of being a punching bag. Like I am delusional, not dealing with reality, and so on and on. It is very hurtful. This just goes on and on from 1 site to another to another.

Andrew

Apocalipstic · 03-05-2010, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Oh yes, I know that now. I think it was a darn shame, and I know that the therapist that did this to me is now well aware of what she did to me. I showed up at her office after a beating. I wanted her to see for herself what the result was of her conversation w/my father. She will live with that image for the remainder of her life.

I am glad you understand. I just feel...so very alone. I am tired of being a punching bag. Like I am delusional, not dealing with reality, and so on and on. It is very hurtful. This just goes on and on from 1 site to another to another.

Andrew

Maybe meditate on blocking it?

Focus on Spring and your babies. There are great things happening Andrew. We need to look at the good things and stay away from the bad. Especially now that we both are so spun out....we need to block out the rest.

Bit once gave me a great piece of advice, she said If I thought I saw my father around (he is dead and I was "seeing" him and hearing him) to take up an imaginary spray can of smoke or something like that and just spray him away. Maybe you could do that in your mind to people who make you feel beat up...spray their voices away.

I have met you in person, you are a good guy... just are going to have to learn to block better. I still don't think being around your father is a good idea at all, but I am biased.

My therapist says if we think we are crazy, then we are not.

Andrew, Jr. · 03-05-2010, 11:32 AM

I can remember being told the same exact thing by my therapist. Wow...I had forgotten that principle.

I am going to be using the spray can. Oh yes. That will come in handy. I am avoiding my father now. The last time I saw him, it was a nasty 10 min. together time. I mean nasty.

Then when my perfect sister walked in the room, you would have thought Jesus Christ walked in the room Himself. It was the difference between night and day with him.

03-05-2010, 10:46 AM	#1
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	For me, my boundaries are reasonable. I feel and believe certain truths. Some people I do believe, and trust in. Then there are some people who are outright liars seeking attention so they throw people under the bus to be a part of a click or group. This is both in real time and online. It is human nature. I was reminded of this by The Lady Snow and Sir Daywalker when I was talking about a Native American Indian movie I had just watched. It seems simple, but it isn't to have boundaries. It is hard. And I am sensitive, so it makes it even harder for me. I struggle with new people who I have a new relationship with. I have no idea about their past. I am concerned with learning about them. However, if someone doesn't understand my limitations/disabilities they will not understand me. I am more vocal online than in real time. I feel like the computer is easier for me to use. It is my voice. What is inside doesn't come out right. And some people are offended by what I say. It never is meant in a negative or nasty intention. Never. However, lately, I feel like a misfit. I just don't belong. No matter what I say, it isn't the right words. Thank God we have Linus here. He has given us the smilies that do help me. I have been in therapy for a number of years, but I had to stop. My therapists had exposed my sessions to my father. Now, this was long before HIPPA Rules/Laws were in effect, and other laws to protect the victims. One of the biggest problems I have had held against me is gossip of me having multiple personalities. This was never undercovered in any of my therapy. I was just diagnosed with GID. I have my letters for srs, and hrt. That is it. It is rumors and gossip like this that piss me off. People just have too much time on their hands I think or are the ones intentionally seeking to hurt me. What they don't realize is that there are some folks here online who do have that disorder, and do seek comfort online here for that. Their unkind remarks really hurt those folks, not me. So in hurting one - me, you really hurt all of us, which is a Buddist principle, which I practice. I try to stress this but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I am not sure of why.

03-05-2010, 11:16 AM	#3
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Oh yes, I know that now. I think it was a darn shame, and I know that the therapist that did this to me is now well aware of what she did to me. I showed up at her office after a beating. I wanted her to see for herself what the result was of her conversation w/my father. She will live with that image for the remainder of her life. I am glad you understand. I just feel...so very alone. I am tired of being a punching bag. Like I am delusional, not dealing with reality, and so on and on. It is very hurtful. This just goes on and on from 1 site to another to another. Andrew

03-05-2010, 11:32 AM	#5
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I can remember being told the same exact thing by my therapist. Wow...I had forgotten that principle. I am going to be using the spray can. Oh yes. That will come in handy. I am avoiding my father now. The last time I saw him, it was a nasty 10 min. together time. I mean nasty. Then when my perfect sister walked in the room, you would have thought Jesus Christ walked in the room Himself. It was the difference between night and day with him.