When a Femme meets a Butch... dating advice!

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Rope

Here's how this conversation should go and QUICK, life is too short:

"I find you attractive and would like to get to know you. Would you like to meet for drinks or coffee sometime?"

Rope--

I agree with the above minus I find you attractive unless hmmm.. I guess for me I just don't jump out that fast. I guess if you want to add that, add it.

"Would you like to meet for drinks, coffee, lunch sometime?"

Like I said a few coffee dates did it for me and my girl then it was lunch and then dinner was it! lol

I also recall an ex of mine taking initiative and asking me to drinks. Nothing wrong and it's darn sexy when a femme leads.

[Rope]

Or you could just post about your angst and hear 50 peoples take on said attraction. However you want to word it, if you don't get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--you're not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever.

So hiding under the covers,,,,have at it. Maybe a butch will fall through the ceiling of your bedroom but I'm guessing not.

Rope--

[Bleu]

Originally Posted by Rope

Or you could just post about your angst and hear 50 peoples take on said attraction. However you want to word it, if you don't get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--you're not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever.

So hiding under the covers,,,,have at it. Maybe a butch will fall through the ceiling of your bedroom but I'm guessing not.

Rope--

Perfectly said!

[WolfyOne]

I'm reading a lot of good advice here
Some I feel may even be useful for me
FYI, some butches have a hard time asking a femme if they'd like to get to know one another better
So, sometimes a femme who wants to know a butch better, especially if they may think the butch is interested, should ask to get to know them.
Like me, I'm shy at first when I don't know you at all, but don't have a hard time speaking once I'm spoken to.

I have no idea if what I wrote makes sense, but in my mind it does.

Anyhow, if this butch is like me, they'd welcome those words....want to get to know you/me/us better and perhaps see where it goes from there.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

I agree with the above minus I find you attractive unless hmmm.. I guess for me I just don't jump out that fast. I guess if you want to add that, add it.

"Would you like to meet for drinks, coffee, lunch sometime?"

Yes, exactly this...especially if you're not sure if she's even a potential dating partner.

Here's the deal...even if she's absolutely straight, I've never heard of anyone objecting to "I've really enjoyed talking to you....would you like to go grab a coffee sometime?"

Once you're having that coffee you can have more conversation, and see if she's even dating potential for you, as well as a little more about her. If not, you may have set the stage for a friendship instead....and that's always a good thing too.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Yes, exactly this...especially if you're not sure if she's even a potential dating partner.

Here's the deal...even if she's absolutely straight, I've never heard of anyone objecting to "I've really enjoyed talking to you....would you like to go grab a coffee sometime?"

Once you're having that coffee you can have more conversation, and see if she's even dating potential for you, as well as a little more about her. If not, you may have set the stage for a friendship instead....and that's always a good thing too.

Nothing wrong with having friends! .. and my ex identified as straight and she took the initiative in getting to know me better since we were coworkers and it lead to more, a relationship of 3 years. So hey, you never know who may find you interesting or find you as a potential in their dating pool! It blew me away and then I was in bliss. haha.

[Rope]

And while we're on the subject of advice, Don't fuck where you make a buck.

SOOO not worth it.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Rope

And while we're on the subject of advice, Don't fuck where you make a buck.

SOOO not worth it.

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.

[Electrocell]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.

You say that you are e-mailing her/hym right now why not slip in something like ----you wouldn't know any good butches out there looking for a good femme in one of the e-mails to see what kind of reaction you get. Not a face to face and if she says no then you got your answer but who knows it may lead to what you are looking for.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

You say that you are e-mailing her/hym right now why not slip in something like ----you wouldn't know any good butches out there looking for a good femme in one of the e-mails to see what kind of reaction you get. Not a face to face and if she says no then you got your answer but who knows it may lead to what you are looking for.

Well, I'm trying to slip in little personal stuff but I just couldn't realistically make the jump to asking that particularly question: it's just too personal and we haven't yet really established that personal questions are ok.

[Rope]

Sorry my bad- I thought you were co-workers.



Rope--

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.

[Dance-with-me]

Saw her today right after work when I dropped some things off, briefly, no time to chat.

Went out early this evening to a popular spot loaded with lesbians (and one butch/femme couple friend of mine) this evening for just a bit, but she wasn't there and despite my friends encouraging me to stay, I just didn't feel like staying - I left because it was a little too crowded/loud for my mood, and I was hoping to maybe connect with some friends I thought were coming to town, but they didn't come and I didn't feel like going back.

So instead I went out to dinner solo and Easygoingfemme helped me muster the courage to send a short and to the point text asking if she'd like to do something because I'd enjoy getting to know her.

She texted back a little later. Yes. ::huge grin::

But the crazy thing is that she was at the same place I'd left earlier -- if I'd stayed just a bit longer, I would have run into her and could have just hung out and flirted with her instead of texting her.

But.... yes. We both agree that it's just some "getting to know you" time - not a date. Yet.

::grinning::

No plans set yet, but probably will do something this weekend or next week.

(Now, what the HELL do I WEAR for a notadate?!?)

Thank you for all of your ideas and encouragement!