FTM place to vent and talk

[Hominid]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

and.. another question yet, Who do you share that you are an FTM with and do you explain it or do you just let others assume you are butch, lesbian or a straight male or however they may view or perceive you?

I don't tell anyone usually. I had to tell my back doctor, who was sitting and looking at my MRI (which clearly showed my hoo-ha) -he was trying to tell me that some of my symptoms might be my prostate.

I didn't move, I kept the same job during transition, my kids started out with two moms in the same school system - so people know. It's just been so long I'm not sure who knows and who doesn't. The occasions for telling people are practically non-existent. I haven't tried to date anyone I've met, so haven't had to deal with that, and on a few dating sites I say I have transitioned in my profile.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Hominid

I don't tell anyone usually. I had to tell my back doctor, who was sitting and looking at my MRI (which clearly showed my hoo-ha) -he was trying to tell me that some of my symptoms might be my prostate. .

hehe.. this reminded me of the couple times at the airport when I had to go through the tsa body scanner. both times they made me go back through and then they called me sir. I just walked away smiling. (I am pre op)

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

hehe.. this reminded me of the couple times at the airport when I had to go through the tsa body scanner. both times they made me go back through and then they called me sir. I just walked away smiling. (I am pre op)

And they probably never comment on your ID (if it still has the other sex identifier on it?).

I have noticed, since post-op (top surgery), that the big body scanners require them to check my right pec. I think there is some weird scar tissue growth or something that some of them detect as an object.

[Tony]

Lovin this thread. I'm keeping up with reading it. Will add when I have more time. Great job! (we really did need this).

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Linus

And they probably never comment on your ID (if it still has the other sex identifier on it?).

I have noticed, since post-op (top surgery), that the big body scanners require them to check my right pec. I think there is some weird scar tissue growth or something that some of them detect as an object.

Maybe they just like checking pecs. Like I said I'm pre op, no top surgery here yet. That's where they seem to go with me.


They also checked my knee, I'm like what , I have metal in there I didn't know about? lol

Yeah, I think they are not allowed to question identity (male,female, etc) but still don't understand why they say ma'am, sir.. Usually by then though these people at the scan machine haven't seen my ID.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Maybe they just like checking pecs. Like I said I'm pre op, no top surgery here yet. That's where they seem to go with me.


They also checked my knee, I'm like what , I have metal in there I didn't know about? lol

Yeah, I think they are not allowed to question identity (male,female, etc) but still don't understand why they say ma'am, sir.. Usually by then though these people at the scan machine haven't seen my ID.

The ones at the scanner should be different than those that see the image. There is one machine type where the outline is shown but it's non-gender specific so I suspect they just use cultural norms for the sake of politeness and trying to get people through as quickly as possible.

[ruffryder]

I know I've asked lots of questions to be answered already but here's more.. It will keep the thread busy



FTM visibility, invisibility - thoughts , share stories, experiences?

I just took our pup for a walk in our apt community and I'm friendly with our neighbors but don't really associate with them or "hang out" with them but I know most of them and some of their family members and of course, dogs.

Well across the way there is a lady about in her 30s maybe, white. I assume she is straight. She has a little dog called Marley (looks like a miniature of the dog in the movie Marley); so she takes it for a walk now and then and sometimes her family members do so i'm aware of them and who they are. I see her as I'm walking and she says, "Hello" I say, "Hello" back and she says, "Oh, she knows me (referring to our pup). She sees me out when she's with your wife." I just said "oh" and smiled.

So then I wonder does she think I'm male? Does she care? She obviously thinks me and my girl are married.. lol.

I wonder about the clothes I'm wearing (tshirt, long carpenter shorts, sneakers, a baseball cap) and wonder if that has something to do with portraying myself as male .. hmmm. Just wondering ..

[ahk]

Actually, I am tired of being mis-gendered, being referred to as "lady" or "ma'am" -- I don't get it. My voice is significantly deeper than my wife's voice, I dress nothing like a "lady" or a "ma'am", I walk different, I hold myself more masculine, but I'm still "ma'am'd"-- What gives?

( I really feel like I am in the "betweener" stage of transition (it sucks) actually )

[DMW]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

I've ran into femmes that aren't sure about FTMs and how they identify. They have made mistakes calling me her, she, girl.. and It blew me away.. I somehow get more upset when this happens in our own community then if a straight identifying person would mess that up. Has anyone ran into that also? and
another question to you all is, do you think femme women understand FTM better than a straight woman or vice versa? What are your experiences with this?

and.. another question yet, Who do you share that you are an FTM with and do you explain it or do you just let others assume you are butch, lesbian or a straight male or however they may view or perceive you?

I think this has to do with the level of awareness, knowledge, exposure to or with and experience that each woman has had with FTM's in general.
Whether the woman identifies as gay or straight...i am not sure that applies.

I believe that a woman will understand as much i am willing to share with her.


[Derailed thought...
My first long term relationship was with a woman who had only dated biomales...and at that time in my life i identified as butch (or just me).
I was perceived as a ...wow...I hear this overwhellming voice of hers in my head...
"But, you are so much like a guy". Very true. I always felt that way and I
always was like that. This particular woman...struggled with understanding
that...hell, i had to tell her eventually, "I guess i am gay, i am a butch and if you are seriously interested in a relationship and a future with me. Then, you need to understand that...this is how we will be perceived as a couple. A gay couple" I basically told her that she had to really understand that and accept that in order for us to move forward together as a couple. And i put a hold and break on us to give us both time.
(So odd and ironic...it is like the pot calling the kettle black in a way...
if i hadn't repressed and shoved down my feelings for so long growing up because society is so babyblue(boy) and lightpink(girl) and gotten in that...i don't know forced routine of this is how you should be...because you were born a girl...and this is how society expects you to be...(so wrong) maybe i would have snapped out of it sooner? Life gets busy for all of us too.
I was focused on school and my future and working part time during the start of that relationship...I see now (not that i haven't thought of it prior to this and since pretransition) that i needed time too. I recall now, with more reflection, that i was finishing up final exams and in the process of taking company entrance exams for my career.]


At least for me, personally, i am perceived as male and identify as male an ftm-male.
So, i explain to those whom i respect and grow to love. If i desire to and feel that they are deserving of my effort i will share more of who i am with them.
For the most part, all of my responses have been positive.
It helps grow some understanding between the relationships.

Originally Posted by Hominid

I don't tell anyone usually. I had to tell my back doctor, who was sitting and looking at my MRI (which clearly showed my hoo-ha) -he was trying to tell me that some of my symptoms might be my prostate.

In general, that is how i live my life. Perceived as male and will only come out when i deem it necessary.

This is a whole knew sphere too...i purposefully did not go to get an
MRI done for my back....because i worked at the only hospital in the city i lived in. I knew there was the possibility of outing myself there...cause of pelvic bones (xray) or the MRI soft tissue...as you point out.
I went to a chiropractor instead. But, never had tests done which should
have been. Because...i would have outted myself (to yet more people) at my work place. The whole...diagnostic, radiation, ultrasound..etc...group.
I needed that job. It was a smaller town and i didn't want to jeopardize our financial security.
Could not move from that city at the time for other reasons too.

[ahk]

Originally Posted by Linus

And I don't want this thread shut down. I mentioned this yesterday to the moderation team how right now I was feeling unwelcomed in my own community. Now, granted that part of that is due to my own busy life and such but at the same time, there are things here that I think are due to a huge lack of us carving out our own sense of community or existence (or however it could be termed).

I think we need this space. Transmen tend to fade into the woodwork. It's easier for us. The transforums I've run into a run by transwomen and are geared more for transwomen. There is space for us there but it's overwhelming leaned towards one side. For me, I have a history with this community and I personally taking a stand that we not fade into the woodwork.

We need to do the work, the sweat, the tears (although crying has stopped for me since beginning T; anyone else?!), the blood and so on. We have an experience that needs to be shared but needs to be done so without "othering".. well.. others. We need to build our history.

I want a community that I can belong to and feel safe with, dammit. And if it's not here, then I'm screwed.

So rather than give up, who else will stand?

I'll take the stand-- I get it. This is my community too-- though I had to leave for a bit because I was figuring out my own self after I had a weird breakup and start of a new relationship and an ending to a friendship that I looked up to greatly. But here I am -- back in a community where I feel I can be myself -- artistic and a sock lover.