For those who self-injurer

Dragonfly · 03-25-2010, 02:36 PM

16 years blown to hell... I let myself down and I feel like I let everyone else down... especially my daughter though she doesn't even know it. I told myself to try and distract myself til it passes.... and what I really did was try to escape dealing with it... shoving it all up on a shelf in my closet... causing it to all come crashing down on me. When I started zoning out and practically obsessing about how badly I wanted to find relief.... or focus... or to just feel something but numbness... I should have done more than stick a post in this thread thinking I was somehow going to be able to trudge through this time like I have done for 16 years. But there is just so much going on at once. It's a mistake to expect too much from myself... and I think having a supportive friend or councelor would have been better than trying to always handle these feelings secretly all alone. As if I am ashamed. Made me realize that the embarrassment can actually separate someone in need from finding or hanging onto the help that is available. It is priceless to find support online but I am now reminded that it is only useful as a supplement to real world support, councelors with a treatment plan etc... Don't be like me and try to trick yourself into procrastinating seeking real world professional support. I thought "how much worse could it get" and then I got an answer of reality slapping me in the face. And I wasn't prepared for it so I stumbled.

Be back to post some links...

03-25-2010, 02:36 PM	#14
Dragonfly Member How Do You Identify?: Queersexual Female Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: smiling real big Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: My Own House Illinois Posts: 330 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 871 Thanked 346 Times in 151 Posts Rep Power: 645439	16 years blown to hell... I let myself down and I feel like I let everyone else down... especially my daughter though she doesn't even know it. I told myself to try and distract myself til it passes.... and what I really did was try to escape dealing with it... shoving it all up on a shelf in my closet... causing it to all come crashing down on me. When I started zoning out and practically obsessing about how badly I wanted to find relief.... or focus... or to just feel something but numbness... I should have done more than stick a post in this thread thinking I was somehow going to be able to trudge through this time like I have done for 16 years. But there is just so much going on at once. It's a mistake to expect too much from myself... and I think having a supportive friend or councelor would have been better than trying to always handle these feelings secretly all alone. As if I am ashamed. Made me realize that the embarrassment can actually separate someone in need from finding or hanging onto the help that is available. It is priceless to find support online but I am now reminded that it is only useful as a supplement to real world support, councelors with a treatment plan etc... Don't be like me and try to trick yourself into procrastinating seeking real world professional support. I thought "how much worse could it get" and then I got an answer of reality slapping me in the face. And I wasn't prepared for it so I stumbled. Be back to post some links... __________________ Stay Gold.