New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 07:33 PM

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

Sometimes though, you meet someone and you are sexually attracted and you end up having sex with them, there isn't going to be time to *get to know details* it's just about two people having consentual adult sex.

Should either party go and get new toys just because they started dating someone a week later seriously?

Why are Femme's not expected to get new vaginas?

The problem with the question when it comes to queer cock is:

For some butches.guys.bois.boys.ze's.trans, and femme folk is the cock they have is part of them. Something that is part of who they are and their identity and if someone is safe they should not have to throw away all their toys just because they dated someone new. If it's something that it is talked about and agreed upon and costs are even shared since they are now a couple I understand.

But to have the expectation that someone get a new cock or cocks just because they used them before and have done so safely is to much. Toys are expensive, cocks ain't cheap.

What about those who are kinky?

Does everyone here who is kinky replace each toy they have played with past liasons?

I would think that would get highly expensive..

Let's talk lube. Is your lube replaced with each parnter? Do you use different lube for anal and vaginal sex?

SuddenlyWestFemme · 03-02-2013, 08:06 PM

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

Hollylane · 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him.

Exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it

Word.

Hollylane · 03-02-2013, 08:35 PM

Gaige and I have talked about this a few times. I have to say, that as long as it is a comfortable fit for both of us (ie: length, girth, and appearance in or out of her clothes), and for me, skin sensitivities have been addressed, the only more important thing left to do or think about, is to enjoy our love making. Neither of us is thinking about anything other than loosing ourselves in each other.

Other purchases along the way, have just made for variety and fun, and we prefer to share the cost of these items.

We are both obsessively clean when it comes to our bodies and our stuff, and Gaige researches the care and proper cleaning necessary for each new item in our collection.

For me, these conversations, regarding preferences, occur long before any chance of sex happening. To me, sex is private and personal, an important part of my health and well being, and I want to know about relationship and sexual compatibility, before I become intimate with a partner.

I don't think anyone is wrong or right, it is just a matter of communicating with new partners. For some, it is difficult to communicate about these topics without embarrassment/shame, or for fear of coming off as sexually aggressive when being blunt, but I submit that it is important to find the strength to do so, to protect oneself and any potential partner, both physically and emotionally.

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 08:46 PM

I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun.

I don't think anyone is debating the everyone have it your way thought. What I found very disconcerting (can't figure out why no one else has) was at the beginning of the thread the *icky*, *classless*, *dirty*, *gross* descriptors were used.

It's understandable that we are all diferent and we are all going to have different thoughts, but to come in and generalize and use those kinds of descriptors was not necessary.'

I personally am not the kind of person that sees love and sex as something that is interconnected. Sometimes people just fuck, and when they do they are going to use whatever equipment they have. As long as they are being safe there should be no need to go buy all new hardware for the next person they are intimate be it a heart, mind, carnal, sexual, spontaneous connection/s

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

Love this post!

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

I love your honest post about cleaning house, and yes I agree that sometimes we get into relationships that make us want to change everything about us, including the vagina. What I have learned is as I have matured into my gender (Femme) that sometimes we make bad relationship choices that leave us mucked up and feeling dirtied up (and when I say this I don't mean in a hygenic way more of a spiritual/emotional/mental way). My vagina is just as empowered as I so when I have experienced this moment of muck like you stated changing not only the aesthetic but my inner me has helped make better choices and healthier ones.

StoneOne · 03-06-2013, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Sometimes though, you meet someone and you are sexually attracted and you end up having sex with them, there isn't going to be time to *get to know details* it's just about two people having consentual adult sex.

Should either party go and get new toys just because they started dating someone a week later seriously?

Why are Femme's not expected to get new vaginas?

The problem with the question when it comes to queer cock is:

For some butches.guys.bois.boys.ze's.trans, and femme folk is the cock they have is part of them. Something that is part of who they are and their identity and if someone is safe they should not have to throw away all their toys just because they dated someone new. If it's something that it is talked about and agreed upon and costs are even shared since they are now a couple I understand.

But to have the expectation that someone get a new cock or cocks just because they used them before and have done so safely is to much. Toys are expensive, cocks ain't cheap.

What about those who are kinky?

Does everyone here who is kinky replace each toy they have played with past liasons?

I would think that would get highly expensive..

Let's talk lube. Is your lube replaced with each parnter? Do you use different lube for anal and vaginal sex?

Blessings to your family

Kinky here more so everyday smile always in flux and growing
Not bio male here
my cock is not a "toy" it is part of me who, I am, my identity
however I am not bio and I can buy and pack a new cock for My lover
have I always bought everything new
masks. whips ,chains, bedding, knives, belts, fire equip, new and diff lube yes by choice expensive you bet so on
equip such as Saint Andrews Cross I love to build for my new lover not worried about its use on others
have I always left "everything.... yes by choice because I choose to give them everything exception personal clothing ,other "stuff"
Play partners yes my alter ego different Toys
lol 1 ex signed over my home for a doller
I know I know
This is no longer how extreme I will go I am now 50/50
I am clean to extreame OCD not worried about "transfer"
My mind is always, who I share this personal part of me
When I was young One Night stands Yes
Now Never Dangerious VERY
But do I have Toys and my cock for events and only events Thunder, Dark Odyssey yeppers do I meet and play yeppers there is lots of sceaning and different play to start out doing and playing without My cock, get to know build trust if there is a click or spark
So I am rambling
I respect All of your personal choices, I respect All you choose to do with all your partners
I guess it comes down to what you want, your likes and dislikes I am good with them as it does not affect Me or My life
And W/we are whats makes this world go round and it is also what sparks any relationship we enter into it is a W/we thing W/we do what fits us best
so
Thank you for thiis thread it is a great back and forth

pinkgeek · 03-02-2013, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

Ok I have to ask...What specifically are you referring to? "Things" as an STD aren't anything I've studied or counseled anyone on risk reduction against.

As for getting to know someone being any kind of protection - ask any PHW (Public Health Worker) and we'll tell you that "knowing someone" isn't a kind of protection and using "protection" isn't a guarantee.

I spend a lot of time talking about safe sex, stigma, myths and risk reduction. Community discussions are wonderful and have a wonderful ability to reach not just the people participating, but those they in turn talk to. Keep it up.

03-02-2013, 07:33 PM	#1
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Sex Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 08:46 PM	#6
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Sex I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 08:06 PM	#3
SuddenlyWestFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Seattle Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 296 Thanked 521 Times in 88 Posts Rep Power: 7145836	Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering. But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this. Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that. And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing. Great conversation...

03-02-2013, 08:35 PM	#5
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Gaige and I have talked about this a few times. I have to say, that as long as it is a comfortable fit for both of us (ie: length, girth, and appearance in or out of her clothes), and for me, skin sensitivities have been addressed, the only more important thing left to do or think about, is to enjoy our love making. Neither of us is thinking about anything other than loosing ourselves in each other. Other purchases along the way, have just made for variety and fun, and we prefer to share the cost of these items. We are both obsessively clean when it comes to our bodies and our stuff, and Gaige researches the care and proper cleaning necessary for each new item in our collection. For me, these conversations, regarding preferences, occur long before any chance of sex happening. To me, sex is private and personal, an important part of my health and well being, and I want to know about relationship and sexual compatibility, before I become intimate with a partner. I don't think anyone is wrong or right, it is just a matter of communicating with new partners. For some, it is difficult to communicate about these topics without embarrassment/shame, or for fear of coming off as sexually aggressive when being blunt, but I submit that it is important to find the strength to do so, to protect oneself and any potential partner, both physically and emotionally.