New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

SuddenlyWestFemme · 03-02-2013, 08:06 PM

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

Hollylane · 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him.

Exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it

Word.

Hollylane · 03-02-2013, 08:35 PM

Gaige and I have talked about this a few times. I have to say, that as long as it is a comfortable fit for both of us (ie: length, girth, and appearance in or out of her clothes), and for me, skin sensitivities have been addressed, the only more important thing left to do or think about, is to enjoy our love making. Neither of us is thinking about anything other than loosing ourselves in each other.

Other purchases along the way, have just made for variety and fun, and we prefer to share the cost of these items.

We are both obsessively clean when it comes to our bodies and our stuff, and Gaige researches the care and proper cleaning necessary for each new item in our collection.

For me, these conversations, regarding preferences, occur long before any chance of sex happening. To me, sex is private and personal, an important part of my health and well being, and I want to know about relationship and sexual compatibility, before I become intimate with a partner.

I don't think anyone is wrong or right, it is just a matter of communicating with new partners. For some, it is difficult to communicate about these topics without embarrassment/shame, or for fear of coming off as sexually aggressive when being blunt, but I submit that it is important to find the strength to do so, to protect oneself and any potential partner, both physically and emotionally.

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 08:46 PM

I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun.

I don't think anyone is debating the everyone have it your way thought. What I found very disconcerting (can't figure out why no one else has) was at the beginning of the thread the *icky*, *classless*, *dirty*, *gross* descriptors were used.

It's understandable that we are all diferent and we are all going to have different thoughts, but to come in and generalize and use those kinds of descriptors was not necessary.'

I personally am not the kind of person that sees love and sex as something that is interconnected. Sometimes people just fuck, and when they do they are going to use whatever equipment they have. As long as they are being safe there should be no need to go buy all new hardware for the next person they are intimate be it a heart, mind, carnal, sexual, spontaneous connection/s

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 08:59 PM

Im not sure why they used those words. Maybe they will answer. I understand the love and sex thing you are talking about. Good luck getting an answer from those who used those terms. Have a great night and enjoy.

AmazonWoman1 · 03-02-2013, 09:23 PM

I was sorry to hear you felt so bad after a breakdown you needed to do a Phoenix to be reborn SuddenlyWestFemme but it was a gift that helped to give us such a cogent reply as you grew into & gave.Loved it*S*
That said I wonder how many of the people that want you to buy all new stuff have tossed out all items purchased by their exes for them especially sentimental things like cards perfume clothes jewelry etc.I have a feeling the judgemental attitude would be lost immediately or at the very least renegotiated.I use a condom on all my dildos always.If its an issue of cleanliness most microbes do not last over 3 days on a surface devoid of liquid so if they did not have sex within a week say whats the REAL issue? I find it highly unreasonable to ask a butch/partner to be replacing ALL toys every time.
Lets be real we all want the relationship to last forever but it does not always happen.I would be ecstatic if life was that simple but it is not.If the issue is an emotional one about feeling threatened by past relationships thats a 2 way street also.Im never going to ask her to throw away all of the old letters poems etc from an ex that gave her great comfort.Those things have become part of who she is & therefore part of the all encompassing being that she has become that I am now choosing to love so I do not want to remove any of it.That ex made her a better gf for me so thank you.Lets look inside ourselves to ask truly what is the fear about .Is it truly about some inanimate objects or something else?If its something else then lets talk about that instead & save my wallet great pain as well as me looking at you as if you are unreasonable.*S*If you insist on new toys for you alone then you need to pay at least 1/2 for your issues since I do not share them but I am willing to negotiate because I AM reasonable *S*

Diablo · 03-02-2013, 09:33 PM

im all for whatever floats your boat..and in whatever level of intimacy one is seeking....via one nighters...or long terms..you need to be comfortable (whatever comfortable is to you) in the safety level you seek. I would NEVER toss my toys or cock for anyone. There for i doubt i would ever be in the situation to be asked to do so. If i was asked..i would politely decline. Its not about them paying for half of the toys..or even really the cost..though..they are not cheap. For me its the principal of it. Sex to me is about YOU and I...not the last person i fucked or the last person you fucked.

I do use different lube for anal sex vs vaginal...i have used gloves...i use condoms...and ive used dental dams....I know what my level of comfort is for sex...and im always willing to meet the "safety" concerns for my sexual partners within reason...and my line is my toys...if you want me to use new toys with you..then bring your own....and problem solved!

Its about about compatibility....there are no right or wrongs..just different..just find that person who shares the same views as you.

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

Love this post!

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

I love your honest post about cleaning house, and yes I agree that sometimes we get into relationships that make us want to change everything about us, including the vagina. What I have learned is as I have matured into my gender (Femme) that sometimes we make bad relationship choices that leave us mucked up and feeling dirtied up (and when I say this I don't mean in a hygenic way more of a spiritual/emotional/mental way). My vagina is just as empowered as I so when I have experienced this moment of muck like you stated changing not only the aesthetic but my inner me has helped make better choices and healthier ones.

03-02-2013, 08:46 PM	#4
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Sex I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 08:59 PM	#6
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Sex Im not sure why they used those words. Maybe they will answer. I understand the love and sex thing you are talking about. Good luck getting an answer from those who used those terms. Have a great night and enjoy. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 09:23 PM	#7
AmazonWoman1 Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her/Hunny Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: California Posts: 108 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 308 Thanked 136 Times in 56 Posts Rep Power: 1445860	Difference Is The Flavor In Life I was sorry to hear you felt so bad after a breakdown you needed to do a Phoenix to be reborn SuddenlyWestFemme but it was a gift that helped to give us such a cogent reply as you grew into & gave.Loved itS That said I wonder how many of the people that want you to buy all new stuff have tossed out all items purchased by their exes for them especially sentimental things like cards perfume clothes jewelry etc.I have a feeling the judgemental attitude would be lost immediately or at the very least renegotiated.I use a condom on all my dildos always.If its an issue of cleanliness most microbes do not last over 3 days on a surface devoid of liquid so if they did not have sex within a week say whats the REAL issue? I find it highly unreasonable to ask a butch/partner to be replacing ALL toys every time. Lets be real we all want the relationship to last forever but it does not always happen.I would be ecstatic if life was that simple but it is not.If the issue is an emotional one about feeling threatened by past relationships thats a 2 way street also.Im never going to ask her to throw away all of the old letters poems etc from an ex that gave her great comfort.Those things have become part of who she is & therefore part of the all encompassing being that she has become that I am now choosing to love so I do not want to remove any of it.That ex made her a better gf for me so thank you.Lets look inside ourselves to ask truly what is the fear about .Is it truly about some inanimate objects or something else?If its something else then lets talk about that instead & save my wallet great pain as well as me looking at you as if you are unreasonable.SIf you insist on new toys for you alone then you need to pay at least 1/2 for your issues since I do not share them but I am willing to negotiate because I AM reasonable S

03-02-2013, 08:06 PM	#1
SuddenlyWestFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Seattle Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 296 Thanked 522 Times in 88 Posts Rep Power: 7145835	Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering. But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this. Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that. And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing. Great conversation...

03-02-2013, 08:35 PM	#3
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,359 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Gaige and I have talked about this a few times. I have to say, that as long as it is a comfortable fit for both of us (ie: length, girth, and appearance in or out of her clothes), and for me, skin sensitivities have been addressed, the only more important thing left to do or think about, is to enjoy our love making. Neither of us is thinking about anything other than loosing ourselves in each other. Other purchases along the way, have just made for variety and fun, and we prefer to share the cost of these items. We are both obsessively clean when it comes to our bodies and our stuff, and Gaige researches the care and proper cleaning necessary for each new item in our collection. For me, these conversations, regarding preferences, occur long before any chance of sex happening. To me, sex is private and personal, an important part of my health and well being, and I want to know about relationship and sexual compatibility, before I become intimate with a partner. I don't think anyone is wrong or right, it is just a matter of communicating with new partners. For some, it is difficult to communicate about these topics without embarrassment/shame, or for fear of coming off as sexually aggressive when being blunt, but I submit that it is important to find the strength to do so, to protect oneself and any potential partner, both physically and emotionally.

03-02-2013, 09:33 PM	#8
Diablo Timed Out - Identity Issues How Do You Identify?: HUMAN Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Earth Posts: 843 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,128 Thanked 1,618 Times in 623 Posts Rep Power: 0	im all for whatever floats your boat..and in whatever level of intimacy one is seeking....via one nighters...or long terms..you need to be comfortable (whatever comfortable is to you) in the safety level you seek. I would NEVER toss my toys or cock for anyone. There for i doubt i would ever be in the situation to be asked to do so. If i was asked..i would politely decline. Its not about them paying for half of the toys..or even really the cost..though..they are not cheap. For me its the principal of it. Sex to me is about YOU and I...not the last person i fucked or the last person you fucked. I do use different lube for anal sex vs vaginal...i have used gloves...i use condoms...and ive used dental dams....I know what my level of comfort is for sex...and im always willing to meet the "safety" concerns for my sexual partners within reason...and my line is my toys...if you want me to use new toys with you..then bring your own....and problem solved! Its about about compatibility....there are no right or wrongs..just different..just find that person who shares the same views as you.