only another butch would understand

[Jess]

Originally Posted by PapaC

I took time to watch the video today... love google video! Luckily so does my brother, so I passed along "tough guise" for his evaluation as well.

Briefly?

it's fucking powerful. A very well done documentary, and hats off to the maker of it. I posted it on facebook as well. It's in my mind, a "must see" for all genders, even if the focus is on cisgendered boys and men.

If I was a cocky sob (which I'm not - honest!) I'd make every single questioning, pre-everything trans-masculine identified person watch that video and fuckin' learn something.

Peace!
-PapaC

Kinda wish all mothers would make their sons watch it... Just like I wish all teenage boys had to read All's Quiet on the Western Front"

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by SyrJess

Kinda wish all mothers would make their sons watch it... Just like I wish all teenage boys had to read All's Quiet on the Western Front"

Can someone repost the link
I heard that it's going to be required reading before you get your high school diploma.

How misleading Thread Titles can be:

...only another Butch would understand. Pleeeaseeeeee I don't understand this turmoil. Reminds me of the TV shows where the gangs separate off while behind bars and condemn one another for being different.

We are a mere dot on the spectrum of this diversity rainbow.

AND TO THOSE POSTERS ABOVE , whether you know, accept me or not... It makes me heartsick to see us act like my Bio family did when they threw me away, and how society talked and tried to stomp out my light for 40 years.

I have fought to live as ME since I was 2 and a half. I do mean fought to live. I am one of the earlier Butch warriors here on this planet. Some of you know my life story, have met my bio famliy, and know the miracles of me still being alive, and being loved or rejected, I became ME, and don't need approval ratings.

I do know we should live, let live and appreciate every day, that we have the freedom to be here and to post to one another. Maybe, only when that freedom has been taken away, as mine had been, can we really understand, and extend the hand of friendship and acceptance to all.

Thanks for the respectful post shark, and to those who discovered the peaceful place called the Planet. I think I'm taking my toys and looking for another playground for now.

Tommi

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Tommi

Can someone repost the link
I heard that it's going to be required reading before you get your high school diploma.

How misleading Thread Titles can be:

...only another Butch would understand. Pleeeaseeeeee I don't understand this turmoil. Reminds me of the TV shows where the gangs separate off while behind bars and condemn one another for being different.

We are a mere dot on the spectrum of this diversity rainbow.

AND TO THOSE POSTERS ABOVE , whether you know, accept me or not... It makes me heartsick to see us act like my Bio family did when they threw me away, and how society talked and tried to stomp out my light for 40 years.

I have fought to live as ME since I was 2 and a half. I do mean fought to live. I am one of the earlier Butch warriors here on this planet. Some of you know my life story, have met my bio famliy, and know the miracles of me still being alive, and being loved or rejected, I became ME, and don't need approval ratings.

I do know we should live, let live and appreciate every day, that we have the freedom to be here and to post to one another. Maybe, only when that freedom has been taken away, as mine had been, can we really understand, and extend the hand of friendship and acceptance to all.

Thanks for the respectful post shark, and to those who discovered the peaceful place called the Planet. I think I'm taking my toys and looking for another playground for now.

Tommi

Here you go Tommi <video>

[Jess]

When I saw the video discussed here , I forgot it had been posted on a different thread. "Tough Guise" is the thread title.

Fellow butches ( and femme allies participating) ... while this is a interesting discussion, it feels altogether too much like a debate going on on b-f.com regarding racism and white privilege. Do we each need to become responsible and "aware" of how our actions effect those around us? YES. Do we need to pointedly make others feel at fault for a phenomenon that may or may not specifically be their fault? I don't see the gain in that line of thinking.

The Golden rule, as simple as it may be, seems to work best in all of these situations. Sometimes the simplest answer is the best. Mind you, this is not to "silence" the very thoughtful discourse that is transpiring, simply one butches thought. Guess we don't "all understand" a great deal.

[sharkchomp]

Thank you Bulldog for your responce.

~~~shark~~~~~~

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by sharkchomp

Thank you Bulldog for your responce.

~~~shark~~~~~~

You are very welcome. Hopefully with time we will understand each other better. Have a great rest of the day.

[sharkchomp]

Originally Posted by BullDog

You are very welcome. Hopefully with time we will understand each other better. Have a great rest of the day.

That is my hope too. Have a great day too

~~~shark~~~~~~~~~

[Jett]

To start I'll make clear I am definitely and unabashedly a female, a queer and butch, and expect to be respected in all that, and desire to reflect the same respect to others in their identities. I'm not female "identified" per say, to clarify... I just am what I am, what I've always been and no longer see the reasoning behind announcing I'm a female every time I say I'm butch. I am a butch that's readily apparent and my point here... that is my reason in being here, to meet w/ like minds and experience despite minor id differences.

Bottom line for me here is that... and beyond that I'm neither impressed, repulsed or even remotely interested with what sex one is or how we choose to identify (except as I said in regards to respecting). Honestly, really I personally (me) don't feel "erased" because no one here has any power to do that to me... none. But I have felt disrespected directly and insidious ways (in the default pronouns/second besting of female masculinity/ etc.), I have seen the perpetuation and promotion of clearly negative messages about being female (not saying any group is solely responsible) and it does not just affect the female identified butches but every female here including femmes, transwomen etc. etc.

I never get it, it's not a secret: butchness- masculinity- femininity what ever doesn't hinge on how we choose to label ourselves. There's just not a lot of rhyme or reason, so why stomp on each others toes by perpetuating stereotypes of the butch ids? The more we get over this posturing the better off we'll be, and the better off the community will be.

I don't know, I think that's all I got for now, as I said previously, I don't know how deep I'll be into these particular conversations, I'm tired and really enjoying "just being" but I wanted to get this off my chest. I hope we can be a gentler, kinder community where no one will have to feel like just walking away. I do believe we can achieve something like that if we desire to.

Metro

(stereotyping/disrespect of id happens to male id too and I'm not negating that but speaking to my experience and me place)

[Queerasfck]

Speaking only for myself, I understand the need and importance to have a place for butches to gather and/or feel welcomed. It's a well meaning sentiment to say "only a butch would understand". As demonstrated here clearly, not all butches understand butches, not all butches are the same. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If I want to, I can reduce myself to a cultural stereotype. See EZ fix the kitchen sink! See EZ sport a tie! See EZ watch football! Do I love those things? Yes, I do--even fixing the sink. Many times though I feel like there's a lot of butch posturing that goes on and it bores me, yet I've been guilty of it too on occasion.
Yes, I'm butch, yes I'm queer. It is 45 years in the making. My id is layer upon layer. It's been extraordinary and ordinary. Growing up like many people here I never felt like I fit in all the way, knew I was different from my peers. There was no one like "me". When I realized I was queer I joined the queer community and I made the simple assumption that everyone in it was a fantastic person!! Of couse I know now that it's not that way. And it's fine. So, reading this thread yesterday did bring up the issue of "fitting in" to me. So I was left with the question again, do I HAVE to fit in here? Pick a pronoun, pick a side!
I'm female on my driver's license. I don't see that changing in my future. Yet I have never felt so masculine in all my years as I do today. The pronoun thing? Yes I understand how it can be frustrating for some. If I get "sir'd" in public does that make me more masculine? If I get "mam'd" does that make me more feminine? It doesn't take away from my id. Inside I know. I'm me. My partner, she gets me. My closest friends know me. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm not saying any of this makes me better than the next butch. It's just how I view the world.
In the best case senario I would just like to be respected as a person and I try to do the same to others. At the end of the day that's what's important to me. I think most people feel that way.

[Toughy]

This may get to rambling so bear with me. I am going to try to address several posts and ideas without quoting the posts.

Many of you know I am a butch woman...that would be 2 genders and female pronouns. Yes I claim more than one gender. And to make things even more complicated, I also have a part of me......the powered up kinky leather Top/Dom......that is male identified and you best call me Syr. That would be 3 different genders occupying the same body, mind and soul. Each express different facets of who I am and how I move in the world.

Because I pass on a daily basis as a man, I understand what white male privilege looks and feels like. I know the difference in how folks relate to me depending on whether they see me as woman or man. I didn't ask for it, I don't want it, however.........I got it and I have to deal with it

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask male id'd and transmen to look at their role in how masculinity is valued over femininity in on-line butch-femme communities. There are 3 b/f websites (US) that I know about. On 2 of them, male pronouns are the default for all that are butch. The jury is out on this website, although I do read the intention that this site will be different.

If a butch decides they are male id'd or an individual decides they are a transman, then you have to take the hard with the easy. If you walk in the world as male/man then you are obligated to address (white) male privilege particularly in on-line space.

Misogyny is played out everyday. It's seen in male pronouns, in fun and fluff stuff that changes man to butch and woman to femme. It is institutionalized in the fabric of our cultures (on-line and r/t).

Men take up huge amounts of space. They are listened to first, they talk more, they talk over women, they discount women and they perpetuate violence against women. JUst watch the Tough Guise video and you will get an idea of what I mean.

It may not be a popular idea, but I do believe that butch/femme space is first a female space. It started that way. Over the years as gender identity came into the culture, this female space has (thankfully) expanded to be inclusive of the varying gender identities that compromise what is now a female queer space.

When I first came on line I was absolutely shocked and dumbfounded to be called he/hy just because I was butch. Only the masculine part of me seen and the woman part of me discounted and/or ignored. I actually came very close to not participating in on-line b/f space.

Male id'd and transmen do change the dynamic of any space they occupy. It's a fact. Men and women act differently. Men and women think differently. Men and women are different. Testosterone changes the way you think and act.

I don't understand why it is unreasonable to suggest that male id'd and transmen step up to the plate and acknowledge their privilege and how it affects interactions. I don't understand why it is unreasonable to expect they will be vocal about dismantling (white) male privilege in all spaces and particularly b/f space.

I think that's all I got right now.

[BullDog]

Thank you so much Toughy. This is exactly what I have been saying. Nothing I have been saying has anything to do with having anyone be unwelcome, feel bad about themselves or hate them. Maybe someone else saying this will help. I sure do hope so. This is an extremely important issue and has absolutely nothing to do with bashing anyone's individual or collective id. I am really troubled that many people do not appear to understand what we are talking about. Hopefully your post will help to clear some things up. Thank you again.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Misogyny is played out everyday. It's seen in male pronouns, in fun and fluff stuff that changes man to butch and woman to femme. It is institutionalized in the fabric of our cultures (on-line and r/t).

Men take up huge amounts of space. They are listened to first, they talk more, they talk over women, they discount women and they perpetuate violence against women. JUst watch the Tough Guise video and you will get an idea of what I mean.

It may not be a popular idea, but I do believe that butch/femme space is first a female space. It started that way. Over the years as gender identity came into the culture, this female space has (thankfully) expanded to be inclusive of the varying gender identities that compromise what is now a female queer space.

When I first came on line I was absolutely shocked and dumbfounded to be called he/hy just because I was butch. Only the masculine part of me seen and the woman part of me discounted and/or ignored. I actually came very close to not participating in on-line b/f space.

Male id'd and transmen do change the dynamic of any space they occupy. It's a fact. Men and women act differently. Men and women think differently. Men and women are different. Testosterone changes the way you think and act.
I don't understand why it is unreasonable to suggest that male id'd and transmen step up to the plate and acknowledge their privilege and how it affects interactions. I don't understand why it is unreasonable to expect they will be vocal about dismantling (white) male privilege in all spaces and particularly b/f space.
I think that's all I got right now.

Toughy, Bulldog, Sharkchomp, Jess, Atomic, Met... all of you really thank you for your sharing your thoughts. I think this is an important topic to discuss. I am very heartened that our community is trying to talk about things that may be difficult to talk about for many.

Toughy, when you say butch-femme is primarily a female space; it started that way.... Do you mean that butches and femmes started with female bodies or is there more to it? You and I are in the same age group and I think we both have identified as butches for all of our adult lives. When we came out, I think in different parts of the USA, The Second Wave of Feminism was the self and media designated leaders of gay womens culture. The term "lesbian" was just beginning to be used in a positive fashion. Many many gay women had trouble acclimating to the word "lesbian."

We did not have a very large consciousness about Trans stuff. To be Trans was not an option for most. How would many of us know we were shades of a third gender or gender that is not static? We did not. I found myself in the camp of Butch-Femme. We were discarded and marginalized by the general population of Lesbians. I know you know this stuff. My point is I believe that many in the generation before us or the generation when we were baby butches, there was no room for female masculinity nor a gender outside of the binary. If you mean the butch-femme community started with people that were born into a biological/cisgender female body, I agree. If you mean female was the primary gender, I agee but I also think if we had more options at that point in time, "female space" would not have necessarily been the default.

Yes, misogyny is in the very fabric of our culture. Like you and Bully I do believe we have a responsibility to examine our masculinity. All of us of the butch bent have that responsibility. Not just Transmen and/or male identified. The larger culture is still assigning masculinity to "men." I think most of us in here know masculinity is not purely a male characteristic.

As for T changing the way we think and act, for me the jury is still out. I take T. I am much more vigilant about how I treat women, femmes. I have not turned into an angry, abusive, sexed crazed "man."

Before I started to take T, it was found I had high levels of testosterone for a female bodied person. I am willing to bet we have female identified butches in our community with higher then "normal" amounts of testosterone in their body. Are they thinking and acting differently?

I'm not trying to pick on you Toughy. I have read many of your posts because although I may not agree with you sometimes, I respect your mind, your intelligence.

As for the White Male Privilege, it does exist. I am not trying to fault anyone. I think Bulldog is just saying we need to start admitting to ourselves that male privilege does exist, and how will we begin to break it down in our community and assist in erradicating old and ignorant ideas and behavior starting with ourselves.

I think if we take a closer look we will find that most butches have been on the receiving end of some male privilege. And, we have also known discrimination because we did not look like the "norm" for a female bodied person.

Finally, "White Male Privilege" and "Male Privilege." I think it is a bit of a different experience for butches, Transmen that are "other." How many black or brown men do we seen in the prisons? At the head of Corporations, in lead positions?

Like Jess says, the Golden Rule is a pretty good start.

[BullDog]

Greyson what an awesome post. Thank you so much. What you said about what I have been trying to say is absolutely correct.

I also very much agree with how all butches have experienced varying degrees of privilege and discrimination. It is also still true that male is valued over female- including in both real time and online queer communities- and that needs to be recognized by everyone before anything can change. Getting defensive or being in denial will not change anything.

I believe we all have a responsibility to be aware of our own impact in the communities we participate in and be aware of the inequities that exist. Otherwise nothing is ever going to change.

You also point to some other variety important factors in regards to history as well as differences between white male and/or masculine privilege and those for people of color.

Thanks again Greyson. Awesome post.

[Toughy]

Greyson you make some excellent points and for simplicities sake and to keep me from rambling to much I will use this color to respond.

Originally Posted by Greyson

Toughy, Bulldog, Sharkchomp, Jess, Atomic, Met... all of you really thank you for your sharing your thoughts. I think this is an important topic to discuss. I am very heartened that our community is trying to talk about things that may be difficult to talk about for many.

Toughy, when you say butch-femme is primarily a female space; it started that way.... Do you mean that butches and femmes started with female bodies or is there more to it? You and I are in the same age group and I think we both have identified as butches for all of our adult lives. When we came out, I think in different parts of the USA, The Second Wave of Feminism was the self and media designated leaders of gay womens culture. The term "lesbian" was just beginning to be used in a positive fashion. Many many gay women had trouble acclimating to the word "lesbian."

We did not have a very large consciousness about Trans stuff. To be Trans was not an option for most. How would many of us know we were shades of a third gender or gender that is not static? We did not. I found myself in the camp of Butch-Femme. We were discarded and marginalized by the general population of Lesbians. I know you know this stuff. My point is I believe that many in the generation before us or the generation when we were baby butches, there was no room for female masculinity nor a gender outside of the binary. If you mean the butch-femme community started with people that were born into a biological/cisgender female body, I agree. If you mean female was the primary gender, I agee but I also think if we had more options at that point in time, "female space" would not have necessarily been the default.

Yep we are the same age and have been butch since birth. I sometimes find it difficult to talk about the early 70's with the meanings of the present language. There was no conversation about gender and gender identity. It didn't exist. I really did just mean butch was female and/or woman identity at that time. And I would agree that had other options existed then, butch certainly may not have been a female/woman id.

The 'hate the wanna be manbutch' and the total rejection of femininity as in hair make-up or jewelry that was the hallmark of 2nd Wave Lesbian Feminism really had no legs in Amarillo Tx or in the Army. It was butch or femme or kiki.

Yes, misogyny is in the very fabric of our culture. Like you and Bully I do believe we have a responsibility to examine our masculinity. All of us of the butch bent have that responsibility. Not just Transmen and/or male identified. The larger culture is still assigning masculinity to "men." I think most of us in here know masculinity is not purely a male characteristic.

Yes I did leave out non-male id'd folks. I agree that all of us who are masculine (regardless of id) need to examine masculinity and it's power in our society and culture. I do think it is imperative and incumbent and a duty that those who are male/trans id'd take a really close look at it. If you walk in the world as a man you have a huge responsibility to lead the change of the paradigm about what masculine and male and man actually means. It seems to me male/trans id requires one to be in the forefront for change.

I know when I am perceived as man, I truly try to be aware of how I perform man. (And yes there are times I do nothing to suggest I am not a man.) How do I act? What do I say? How do I respond to sexism and negative comments about women?

As for T changing the way we think and act, for me the jury is still out. I take T. I am much more vigilant about how I treat women, femmes. I have not turned into an angry, abusive, sexed crazed "man."

Before I started to take T, it was found I had high levels of testosterone for a female bodied person. I am willing to bet we have female identified butches in our community with higher then "normal" amounts of testosterone in their body. Are they thinking and acting differently?

Being in the upper end of the normal range of T levels for a woman is an entirely different thing than the levels reached and maintained when one transitions and becomes hormonally male. I was not insinuating in any way that all folks who use T have 'roid rage and become evil incarnate.

I'm not trying to pick on you Toughy. I have read many of your posts because although I may not agree with you sometimes, I respect your mind, your intelligence.

As for the White Male Privilege, it does exist. I am not trying to fault anyone. I think Bulldog is just saying we need to start admitting to ourselves that male privilege does exist, and how will we begin to break it down in our community and assist in erradicating old and ignorant ideas and behavior starting with ourselves.

I think if we take a closer look we will find that most butches have been on the receiving end of some male privilege. And, we have also known discrimination because we did not look like the "norm" for a female bodied person.

Finally, "White Male Privilege" and "Male Privilege." I think it is a bit of a different experience for butches, Transmen that are "other." How many black or brown men do we seen in the prisons? At the head of Corporations, in lead positions?

Like Jess says, the Golden Rule is a pretty good start.

yes yes and yes.........agreed on your last paragraphs.

My friend, I would never think you are picking on me. I see you as thoughtful, insightful, gentle and always courteous. This is a discussion of really difficult issues and concepts, and I think we all do well when we speak from our hearts.

[Bob]

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

...I'm not saying any of this makes me better than the next butch.

What's all this up in this joint, a meeting of the Joint Mis-alliance of Differently-Gendered COMMIES?

I'm not afraid to say it. I AM better than the next butch.