Question to butches and how they deal with differences in dating

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Cupcake,

Do you feel this is a Butch behavior more than it is a Femme behavior? Are butches more likely to jump into monogamy than Femme's?

I like this question and I hope people jump in to discuss it.

Originally Posted by Ginger

Just to jump in, even though The Lady Snow didn't ask me, she asked Imperfect Cupcake,

in my experience, as soon as I sleep with a butch woman, she wants monogamy with me and is very hurt if I don't feel the same way.

But moving forward, I only want to sleep with someone I really care about, and have intentions of putting the energy into seeing if there is relationship potential there.

But what a good question. I guess I could generalize and say butches tend to want monogamy more that femmes but that's just based on the narrow sampling of my own (limited) experience—which I intend to change.

My gut reaction is this......

Young butches/femmes (up to maybe 30/early 30's) want monogamy right away.

Past early 30's I think that butches desire to settle into a relationship more quickly than femmes the same age. My experience is that it is this age that femmes kind of "grow into their own". They become more confident, more empowered to be who they want to be, and less anxious about being in a relationship.

For some reason, I don't think butches move into this in the same sort of way. I don't know what that is about, but over my 15 years of being on b-f sites, this is something I have noticed. There is a larger population of older butches dating younger femmes than the reverse. I think that this often are the butches who want the quick monogamy factor (I am thinking maybe mid-later 30's butches who dating mid-late 20's femmes).

Admittedly, I haven't thought about this before, so this is a quick gut response.

I am curious to see if our gender identities (butch/femme) and our ages and the ages we date will play a factor in our perceptions and personal experiences.

I think it was be great if people were willing to state their gender identity/age when they post, as it will add fodder to the discussion.

I'll go first. I am a 44 year old butch.

Thanks for the topic, cupcake!