Question to butches and how they deal with differences in dating

[The_Lady_Snow]

45 year old Leather Queer Femme Dom/Daddy

I too find that if I date outside of my kink circles or kink oriented people, I will tend to feel trapped, caged, and sufficated and I tend to feel this way with all gender types.. I have felt it while dating feminine folks, masculine folks.. People who aren't into the kink dynamic who I have tried to date have a tendency to get all like this is my property kinda like.. That kinda shit makes me run for the hills, it's not natural, it's scary, and it feels unhealthy to me... I have always felt this way from my 20's to now for some weird odd reason people do not know how to DATE, they want you (general) to commit to a ridiculous standard of monogamy that I don't even expect when IN A RELATIONSHIP.. I don't get it. I rarely if ever have this problem in my D/s-M/s dynamics, the boundaries there seem to be clear and no one likes to cross the lines and I find that interesting... Dating in itself for *me* has changed because of the whole you are MINE thing. Dating is when people seek and get to know more than one person for long periods of time, short periods of time.. It doesn't mean commitment, it doesn't mean you are property, it doesn't give anyone the right to expect monogamy or any other kind of commitment that keeps you (general) or them from seeking others. I don't know where dating evolved into forever.. That's just crazy to me and it's not really a butch.guy thing it's an every gender thang. I find it to be telling and it shows that there is A LOT of insecurity going on if this is happening when you are JUST simply just dating...


Add sex to the mix and people go nutso, next thing you know they are claiming shit like *that's my pussy* and not in that kinky, hot sexy, you're all up in some pussy and you are saying that to one another cause you are getting one another wet/hard.. Why sex changes things into some weird it's "Mine" Nemo seagull mentality I will never ever understand, and frankly want no part of!!!


ETA


Dapper in regards to the age question... I don't have an age restriction, until I do and here is what I have found from my own personal experience..

Cougar relationships (btw I hate that terminology because it deems women as some kind of dangeroud predator) are frowned upon by society and that leaks into our queer stuff.. I find that if I have a young stud at my side or even serving me then I am a predatory, innocent robbing flipper. If a peer be they Dom or not does it then they are Daddy, Lord and Savior...

Pretty fucking hypocritical if you ask me..

[candy_coated_bitch]

Oh, Snow--those are good points! And while I am more monogamously inclined sexually, I am not so much as a Domme when it comes to play. And I have found trying to to date outside of kink circles WAY more often creates that proprietary phenomenon where someone thinks that they have some sort of claim on me. Sometimes I think kink is easier because boundaries and expectations are more explicitly stated early on. That is my experience anyhow.

ETA: I have almost exclusively dated older butches/guys--sometimes a large age difference. I've never though about what this means as far as dating styles related to age...

Also--I have been the way I am in regards to my dating style since I started dating.

[DapperButch]

Hey, guys...thanks so much for responding...especially for adding your ages!

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I am 37 years old and a Queer Femme.

However--butches/guys (and I suspect people in general, but that's my dating pool so that's what I'm commenting on) usually want to move way more quickly than I do.

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

I'll go next...47 Year old Butch.

Never thought about this much. I don't think that Butches want to jump into monogamy more than femmes

SNIP

as much as think that cupcake was wanting to ask the questions from her perspective and experience, which is why this was addressed to the Butches. I could be wrong though.

I agree with you. I didn't read cupcake's post as asking us to speak to who we saw as desiring monogamy more (or more quickly). I was responding to Snow's question.

SNIP

So I think Butches who want monogamy right now can find it all over the age spectrum and do.

Absolutely. I was talking about one or the other. If I had to choose. And then I added age group as to when I think it shifts.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

45 year old Leather Queer Femme Dom/Daddy

I too find that if I date outside of my kink circles or kink oriented people, I will tend to feel trapped, caged, and sufficated and I tend to feel this way with all gender types..

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

ETA: I have almost exclusively dated older butches/guys--sometimes a large age difference. I've never though about what this means as far as dating styles related to age...

Also--I have been the way I am in regards to my dating style since I started dating.

Just as an aside, when I answered Snow's question, I was speaking to what I see the community doing as a whole.

My personal experience is not any femmes wanting to move more quickly than me. Maybe some, but not enough to say it would qualify as significant in a scientific study.

Since others are speaking to their personal experience about themselves, I thought I would throw that in.

And BIG ASS NOD on what Snow was saying about the butch/femme community replicating heterosexual standards of it being more acceptable of butches dating younger femmes rather than the opposite.

I like the addition of the kink community to this discussion.

ETA: I wanted to come back in here and say that maybe I shouldn't have cut apart people's posts. I hope my snips didn't remove the context you were trying to put your thoughts into, resulting in inaccuracy's of your main answer to the question. Please let me know if it did. Anyway, it was a poor choice, I was just trying to keep a running tally. I dunno. Sorry!