Butch visibility

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by Ascot

I'm so happy to see that this thread still has a pulse.

Reading the last several posts about Femmes so beautifully choosing to out themselves every time they accompany us has me thinking about how it feels to be the other party in that configuration. I've certainly had the experience of feeling...cushioned. That's the closest word I can find for how it feels. Even as I feel more of everything I am, there's also a softness that seems to hover mere millimeters above everything. I'm pretty sure my walk changes a bit. Sometimes my biceps tighten, my shoulders straighten. I can feel my pride on my skin. Shit that might really annoy me when flying solo often becomes really funny with a partner in crime.

The feeling I don't have to carry is how suddenly people are seeing me differently. Likely no one's perception of me has changed because someone else of a certain sort is by my side. I get to be the same masculinely inclined dyke everyone always sees. I understand how many Femmes love having the validation and enjoy, even knowing the possible risks when being seen with us, finally being seen the way they see themselves. I love that our being with you can afford you that.

Thank you taking that on every time you step out with us.

Beautiful post Ascot. Thank you for sharing that.

Daisy

[Ascot]

I think this is a good place for this. Some might find it a tad long, but it is nonetheless interesting.

http://www.afterellen.com/tv/443117-butch-back

[Femminator]

Just a few days ago my Butch and I went to the Fair and took our girls for the day. They are teens so they went off to ride the rides and enjoy themselves, leaving just my Butch and myself to shop vendors and enjoy the sites. My Butch carried my packages for me, and we stopped while she got me my favorite, Cotton Candy. We were walking away and she helped to guide me through the crowd with a hand at the small of my back, when I noticed these two guys giving her a dirty look. I put my chin up and strode on past them, not even giving them any regard. I am ALWAYS proud to be with my Butch. It honestly worries her more than it does me, but it's because she fears for my safety. She told me if anything were to ever happen, I was to run and not look back.

[JDeere]

BUMP BUMP

I brought this topic up for discussion in a facebook group that I belong to, so far not many responses but this thread pretty much has summed up how some butches feel.

[Kosmo]

Still get stares mostly from older folks. I find it humorous now since I am older also.

I just love being gay. I would go so far as to say I am thankful of it. Told my girlfriend many times that if I were male, I'd want to be gay.

[ardentfemme]

Hope y’all don’t mind my reviving this post and adding my two cents.

As a femme, my identity is inherently defined in contrast to butches. I wouldn’t be who I am or love who I love without them. In this sense, I feel completely comfortable stepping out in public with butches because my identity is affirmed in the eyes of passersby and reflected back to me in my butch companion’s smile. Since I am straight-passing, many of today’s hip, anti-butch/femme lesbians don’t accept me because my femininity isn’t considered subversive enough. In a way, being seen with a butch in a public space allows me to feel both empowered by my femininity and subversive of heteropatriarchal values.

Moreover, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the sacrifices those who came before us made just so we could step out the door together. Butches and femmes fought both literally and figuratively for this right. When I’m out with a butch, I feel the weight of our shared history resting equally on our shoulders. Furthermore, it’s a source of pride for me to walk down the street on a wonderful butch’s arm. It allows me to feel like my truest, most authentic self. And, as I’ve posted about previously, the way in which I navigate the world via my femininity shifts when I’m with a butch. My presentation exists not for male consumption (which I experience in the form of catcalls, harassment, and the like), but for myself and for those I love.

Part of me would have to say I actually enjoy this Otherization – I’m not saying I relish the stares and the derisive comments. Rather, they are a reminder that I have access to something special that my harassers will never understand. These stares and rude comments have made me stronger, fiercer. But they have also made me more empathetic towards others who are different. In short, they have made me a better person.

So, when I get teased or harassed or even threatened when I am seen with a butch (or any gender nonconforming person, for that matter), part of me is grateful because they have molded me into who I am.

I can’t speak for all femmes, but I have met many who have felt this way.

Anyway, here’s to remaining boldly, unapologetically ourselves.

[Kosmo]

It's the "otherness" that I embrace. I'm not overtly butch looking. Not the typical gay romance novel butch who's 5'-8", slim, blue eyed, long fingers, deep voice, and on, and on.

Like everyone here, I navigate the straight world every day and my butchness may or may not be recognized or acknowledged. I'm visible to myself and my sweetheart and it's that "otherness" that makes me smile.