Trans people talking to other trans people

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Hi Dapper!

One of the things I'm curious about is the extent to which atypical upbringing early on for our correct gender (the one we identify with) affects us later in life. And also to what extent individual transfolk either feel they have to confom to some kind of stereotype post-transition or alternatively, feel they have the freedom to ignore it. I'm particularly curious as to how the guys feel on this.

Thanks for getting things rolling in the thread! Yay!

Could you please say the bolded part in a different way? I am not quite clear on what you your meaning is here. I wasn't related to as my correct gender (male), so this is why I am confused.

I don't have time to get into the second part yet, as I need to get to work. But, I will for certain come back to this.

[Esme nha Maire]

Sure, Dapper! Has the fact that you were raised as a girl had lasting effects into later life? In my case, I was raised as a boy. I actually liked that I got to play with boys toys as a result, but I desperately wished that I could be taught the girly stuff around hair and appearance, and cooking and stuff. So once I was seen by society as a woman, there were things that I was unusually inept at, or lacking in knowledge of, compared to 'average' women. And my manners, when it comes to courtesies, were somehow slightly 'off', because I'd had so many years of extending courtesies to women, and it don't occur to me at first that maybe I should stop doing that. It only took me a couple of weeks to get used to having those same courtesies extended to me, and I did end up ramping down my tendency to hold doors for other women, etc. till I arrived at a situation where my unconscious behaviour doesn't cause untoward comment and I'm still perceived as polite. But hair stuff? I'm still clueless.

[Dean Thoreau]

Ok my T was increased yesterday.
Spent the weekend with my gf, and since it had been quite a while we spent most of 4 days in bed...
Now I don’t know if it’s the combination a weekend of lovin and the T ; just the T ; or just my lady but.
If this isn’t the T I’m gonna due when it kicks in
If it’s the T damn why didn’t I do this 20 yes ago.
If it’s a combo... wow wow wow.. sure wish she were gonna be here this weekend cause jumping in a freezer isn’t doin a thing and I can’t go to gym yet.. due to ops and staples.
Gf can’t even say hello on the phone to me without me.... responding.....damn just writing abt it is.......

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dean Thoreau

Ok my T was increased yesterday.
Spent the weekend with my gf, and since it had been quite a while we spent most of 4 days in bed...
Now I don’t know if it’s the combination a weekend of lovin and the T ; just the T ; or just my lady but.
If this isn’t the T I’m gonna due when it kicks in
If it’s the T damn why didn’t I do this 20 yes ago.
If it’s a combo... wow wow wow.. sure wish she were gonna be here this weekend cause jumping in a freezer isn’t doin a thing and I can’t go to gym yet.. due to ops and staples.
Gf can’t even say hello on the phone to me without me.... responding.....damn just writing abt it is.......

Yep, it is the T. It will drive you nuts...you will feel amorous all the time...your girlfriend will get sick of you. I completely understand how teenage boys feel.....

And as I recall you are on a low dose. I read you saying that you increased it, but what is your dose?

Some say it levels off after a year, but that isn't my experience. It is uncomfortable. It is annoying. I had NO idea that's how it could be. From someone who had a low sex drive, it was shocking.

Obviously, it will be a bit higher if you are in that "new relationship, pheremones are driving everything" state, but it is rough, nonetheless.

[Esme nha Maire]

Not that it's any consolation, Dean, but us women often get the reverse effect, of a lowering of libido once our hormone levels are more female-typical. I certainly did, and felt that to be a blessing! Getting pulled hither and yon by ones endocrine system was horrid! Some become quite disinterested. It hasn't made me disinterested in sex, it's just that sex became the icing on the cake for me rather than the body of the cake, as it were, which better fitted with how I consciously felt about such things. Sex is nice, but cuddles are vital! (chuckle)

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Not that it's any consolation, Dean, but us women often get the reverse effect, of a lowering of libido once our hormone levels are more female-typical. I certainly did, and felt that to be a blessing! Getting pulled hither and yon by ones endocrine system was horrid! (chuckle)

Yep. I haven't met a single trans woman in my practice who didn't say they were pleased about this!

Besides no longer having that sense of being "controlled" by one's libido, for some of them it was that they weren't reminded on a regular basis, that they had a penis.

One of the most interesting things to me about taking testosterone is finding out that many of the things that we assume to be socialization is just biological. This is one of them. We say "men think with their dicks". Although that particular statement refers to men making poor, selfish, damaging, or dangerous choices, it is true that a super high libido does impact, interfere even, with our focus on things. The purpose of men having such a high libido is to ensure that we continue to populate. But, it can be super frustrating.

Another example is that we say that men don't cry because they are socialized not to. I have repeated this over and over again, myself. Well, guess what? I don't have a need to cry...like ever.
THAT is a blessing. So although it is true that boys may be shamed for crying, there is certainly a hormonal component to our tears/emotions.

Sex hormones are so fascinating to me.

ETA: Dean, I made the comment that it didn't reduce for me. I will say that I have gotten a bit better at shifting and focusing on other things, but at first it was very hard. Like I said, it is truly uncomfortable sometimes when one can't relieve themselves. My drive hasn't decreased though.

[Dean Thoreau]

Ohhhhhh, thanks for all the information. I think I shall be seeking physical outlets as soon as I heal from surgery ( I am developing the understanding of teenaged boys, no wonder they were ... )
I think I am lucky right now, only getting perpetually aroused when I hear the gf’s voice... feeling like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football.

So not to sound stupid here guys, but that electrical charge that hits then the lingering desire if not fulfilled . I now understand why guys grab themselves and (adjust so frequently) tho that seems to not work very well. After this raise to 75 per week it seems to be at a real strong desire about 12 hours and lasts for abt 48 hrs and now is there but shall I say manageable... can’t wait for Sunday when things are at the low.
Oh yeah news I dropped 36 pounds since surgery, so I am 1/3 of the way to my goal; and it’s strange I am being referred to as a female more now than b4surgery. My gf says it’s the tell tale mannerisms,,, so I am relearning how to develop more confidence and be less self conscious . I will confess I am avoiding wash rooms that are not all gender.