"Butch" and "Femme" - Truly Antiquated Terms or More Marginalization?

NJFemmie · 12-23-2009, 12:29 PM

You being told you weren't a (so-called) 'good' lesbian - doesn't make you any less of a lesbian (yes, I know that you do not ID as such, but let's use this as a for instance), it seems to me that there were obvious incompatibilities, and the person who said this to you should have exercised tact and sensitivity instead of being hurtful and callous. Mean people do suck.

Arwen, I'm sorry that you went through that. And I am sure you know that on some level, what happened to you does not, by any means, constitute "lesbian sex" - but rather, you being taken advantage of by a very warped and fucked up individual, who most likely happened to be a lesbian.

On that note... I agree with Metro - there is no such thing as lesbian sex. Sex is sex. What happens behind closed doors doesn't categorize itself - we do the categorizing based on stereotypes, assumptions and misinformation.

Arwen · 12-23-2009, 12:38 PM

On second thought, I am going to unsubscribe from this thread.

This is not about what a lesbian is or isn't for me.

It is for others.

Because this is such an emotionally charged issue for me and because I am actually sitting here in tears feeling like I need to throw up, obviously I am not going to be able to unwrap my tangled up issues over this word.

My feelings about the word are hurting some of you and making you feel as if I think how you love is a bad thing. I am truly very sorry for that. I never meant for that to be. In trying to explain my own feelings, I've offended some folks I count as friends.

Please know that I am not angry. This is not about anger at all.

I do appreciate those of you who have rationally discussed this. I do understand where you are coming from. I just wish you could see that my personal choice does not demean yours any more than your personal choice demeans mine.

Right now, I feel as if some of you think I hate lesbians and that is simply not true. But it hurts very deeply so I am withdrawing myself at this time from this particular thread.

hippieflowergirl · 12-23-2009, 03:21 PM

SNIP ===>

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

On that note... I agree with Metro - there is no such thing as lesbian sex. Sex is sex. What happens behind closed doors doesn't categorize itself - we do the categorizing based on stereotypes, assumptions and misinformation.

thank you to both you and Metro for bringing up this point. this was what i was trying to say yesterday...that human beings are simply "sexual". even the celibate are sexual beings who then choose to do something else with the energy besides sexual expression.

the only reason i wondered if the concepts of "lesbian = female homosexual = a woman who has sex with women" is because that seems to limit the definition of a person to whomever they have sex with.

12-23-2009, 12:29 PM	#1
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,419 Times in 2,976 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	You being told you weren't a (so-called) 'good' lesbian - doesn't make you any less of a lesbian (yes, I know that you do not ID as such, but let's use this as a for instance), it seems to me that there were obvious incompatibilities, and the person who said this to you should have exercised tact and sensitivity instead of being hurtful and callous. Mean people do suck. Arwen, I'm sorry that you went through that. And I am sure you know that on some level, what happened to you does not, by any means, constitute "lesbian sex" - but rather, you being taken advantage of by a very warped and fucked up individual, who most likely happened to be a lesbian. On that note... I agree with Metro - there is no such thing as lesbian sex. Sex is sex. What happens behind closed doors doesn't categorize itself - we do the categorizing based on stereotypes, assumptions and misinformation. __________________

12-23-2009, 12:38 PM	#2
Arwen Joy Seeker How Do You Identify?: Smartly-Flavored Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Mrs. Syzygy 1/9/14 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Joyville, NM (aka Land of Enchantment) Posts: 10,140 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,636 Thanked 28,107 Times in 6,411 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	On second thought, I am going to unsubscribe from this thread. This is not about what a lesbian is or isn't for me. It is for others. Because this is such an emotionally charged issue for me and because I am actually sitting here in tears feeling like I need to throw up, obviously I am not going to be able to unwrap my tangled up issues over this word. My feelings about the word are hurting some of you and making you feel as if I think how you love is a bad thing. I am truly very sorry for that. I never meant for that to be. In trying to explain my own feelings, I've offended some folks I count as friends. Please know that I am not angry. This is not about anger at all. I do appreciate those of you who have rationally discussed this. I do understand where you are coming from. I just wish you could see that my personal choice does not demean yours any more than your personal choice demeans mine. Right now, I feel as if some of you think I hate lesbians and that is simply not true. But it hurts very deeply so I am withdrawing myself at this time from this particular thread. __________________ I wrote a book, y'all! *FREE* Tarotscopes Seek Joy, y'all. Eschew hate. 9Words: A Poetry Challenge \| Do you like me?